Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

[Rosie5832]

At a classmate’s birthday party, my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate. They accused him of bullying their son and told him to stop it. He said he wasn’t doing that and they kept on shouting at him that he was.
After this, he was very upset and was crying inconsolably.
Another parent - the mum of the birthday child - went to his assistance and messaged me telling me to return to the party as my son needed me, and that she couldn’t settle him at all (I had left for an hour). While she was messaging me, these two parents came over to her and told her my son was a bully - he was right there and still crying. She told them to back off. When I arrived, they rushed straight over to me and told me that my son was bullying their son etc. No acknowledgment from them that they had cornered him alone and shouted at him. It was only later at home that he told me what had happened, I called the other mum and she confirmed it, describing the way they approached me as an ‘ambush’. She said the whole party turned into a ‘sh*tshow’ because of the way these parents were behaving, and all the other parents - and probably some of the kids - could see what had happened.
I’m in shock over this. I’m meeting with the school teacher today to alert her to this incident and to make sure my son is kept safe in school.
I want to say something to these parents about their behaviour. Imo they were completely out of line, and all the other mums I’ve spoken to since agree that you never confront a child alone like that, regardless of what issue you have with them.
On the way in to school this morning, my son stopped dead just before the door and said, “why didn’t you stay at the party?”. He was clearly thinking about the whole incident and probably concerned that he would encounter these parents at the school.
Has anyone any experience of this kind of behaviour from other parents?

WTF is attempted manslaughter?

Out of everything mentioned in the OP, THAT is what you’re commenting????? Even if OP’s son was, it doesn’t justify what these parents did!!! JFC

Bullies often dish it out by cry indignant tears when they are being confronted about their behaviour. 🤷‍♀️

I suspect we’re not getting the full picture at all here.

I'd be very very upset if this happened to my DC.

It is not the adults place to confront or bully a 7 year old. The fact that they did would make me question their child's home life.

Your poor DC must be traumatised.

It isn’t irrelevant. Two things can be true. The parents are out of order, and the child is a bully. Both of those need to be addressed.

I’d certainly be asking the parents to take a breath and not act how they were, but at the very least, I’d be asking what my child was accused of.

The child who’s being bullied and the birthday boy are two different children. It was the parents of that child who cornered OP’s son - the parent of the birthday boy went to his aid and rang OP.

The parental spat came about because there is clearly bullying of some sort going on which, equally clearly, the school is not dealing with.

They should not have ganged up on your son like that, no, but it does indicate that your son MIGHT have been significantly horrible to another child. You really need to consider that possibility. If so, his behaviour must have been pretty bad to generate that kind of reaction. I would be asking them for clear details on exactly what your son has done to their child. If they can't do that, then obviously they are not genuine. But it's much more likely that they are genuine and that your son is in the wrong, tbh. Not that that's an excuse for confronting him like that.

They weren’t left in charge of OP’s son. Their son wasn’t the birthday boy.

That sounds really upsetting, and it’s totally understandable you’re feeling shocked and protective. No kid should ever be cornered and shouted at like that, especially at a party. If there are concerns about bullying, it’s way better for parents to chat privately with each other or get the school involved, rather than shouting at a child on their own. It’s important to stand up for your little one, but it’s also good to remember that parents usually just want the best for their kids, even if they get it wrong sometimes. Good on you for talking to the teacher, hopefully the adults can work together and make sure all the kids feel safe and heard from now on.

Is your son a bully? Why did you leave the party? Its got nothing to do with the school and how do you know hes not a bully,

It’s not irrelevant. Nobody is saying what the adults did is ok but part of addressing their bad behaviour must include finding out why they did it

It sounds like he might have had a big hand in traumatising the child of those parents, so...🤷‍♀️ It doesn't make it right that two adults ganged up on him, but it does indicate that he might have bullied their son pretty badly for them to react like that. If I was the OP, I'd want to know exactly what they think my son did.

They should have talked directly to the OP though.

But at this point it’s only an allegation. Of course it might be true. However, there are several PPs on this thread who have spoken about situations where the bullying allegations have been made by the actual bully against the victim. Other PPs have spoken about having been wrongly accused of bullying by the parents of other children in the class.

In this instance, I think it’s quite likely that the OP’s DS is the victim; the other boys’ parents are quite clearly bullies themselves, and it wouldn’t be surprising if their DS was a bully himself.

Either way, the correct course of action now is to contact the school. The OP should try to get to the bottom of what was really going on, and find out whether her DS is a bully or whether the accusation is completely unfounded.

But whatever the truth, the behaviour of the other boys’ parents was disgraceful.

Which is irrelevant. Shouting at a child who is bullying your child is not a crime. Shouting isn't a crime. Don't waste police time with stupid issues.

Rather than talk to the parents to find out what the real issue is the OP wants to bury her head in the sand and think that there is no way that her son could be a bully and that these frightful parents would pick on a small child for absolutely no reason what so ever and must contact the school pronto to resolve!!!! - I suspect he is in fact a bully and that he has learnt that he can and will get away with anything if he just cries as his dear mother never seems to ask him to explain himself just passes the problem on to someone else! Parent your child!!!!

I bet if the OP had stayed there is no way on earth the parents would have cornered and shouted at her 7 year old, making him cry and be inconsolable…. So who are actually the bullies…
It is so scary to see that on a thread being commented on by parents that so many people have latched onto the fact that the child ‘may’ in fact have done something wrong, so therefore ‘deserved’ it.
This is about a 7 year old child who had no parent there to defend him, he may or may not have done something previously to another child. In my case I absolutely wasn’t a bully, and was accused of it in a similar fashion. Children make things up, overreact or don’t understand what bullying is…if this indeed the first time the OP is aware of the problem then it doesn’t sound like it’s the action of ‘desperate parents’ after the school or others have failed to get a handle on the situation…

Sorry but this is typical. It’s always the lax parents who leave their kids - and because of said lax parenting, the kid usually has poor boundaries.

Start watching your child and be more of an active parent. Question why two grown adults would want to address the bullying. They’ve probably had enough of your son being unkind and upsetting their child.

Let’s hope their warning has made your son change his actions. You’re not unreasonable in that they shouldn’t have addressed it like that, but equally you need to be asking questions and supporting your son to become a nicer person. Not just taking their actions as the only issue here.

I didn’t say it was a police matter, but had the birthday boy’s parent not intervened, who knows. It must have been pretty bad for her to ring OP, so of course it’s relevant. They cornered a 7 year old boy and verbally abused him at someone else’s home. IF they have evidence that their child is being bullied they should take it up with the school. If the school aren’t aware of it, or are, and haven’t dealt with it, then that’s the starting point. If no joy there, the take it up with the parents. If they only have their child’s word against OP’s son they need to investigate properly, not resort to verbally abusing a child.

In our circles it’s common to leave children at birthday parties once they’ve left reception. We did a party for our youngest child (age 6) in May and the only parents that stayed were the children who were too worried to be left or the children that struggle a little socially so needed their adult to enable them to fully participate and enjoy the party. Out of the 18 children who came only 5 adults stayed

Children at seven can be unpleasant to each other. If there is bullying going on in school then the school should have a handle on it. The OP will find out if there is any truth in the accusations by the parents of the boy who claims to be bullied, if there is then she will, as a reasonable parent, take action.

Whether there is any truth or not, two adults converging on a seven year old, at a child’s birthday party in someone else’s home, is appalling. Of course bullying is horrible, it needs to be dealt with, but not by adults terrorising a child, or even accusing the mother in that environment. They sound awful. No wonder teachers are leaving the profession with parents like that to contend with.

Leaving a 7 year old at a friends party when the birthday kid’s parents are present and supervising is lax parenting ? And the rest of your post is an insulting stretch based on your assumption that OP is a crappy parent and her son is actually a bully. Get a grip.

This seems to be a common trend at the moment, especially in primary schools. We went through the same, other boys accusing my DS of being a bully, parents approaching him etc. We did ask the school to investigate fully and watch our DS, he wasn’t a bully, he was in fact being bullied and alienated. They said he was a bully so they didn’t have to play with him anymore and others didn’t join him. I’m seeing it more and more with other children we know.

I’d be figuring out if my son was in fact a bully first if all to be honest. Is it a great way to deal with it? No. But schools can be really useless at dealing with bullying, sometimes going direct feels like its the only option and mum wasn’t there.