I’m so angry on my friends behalf

[lessee167]

My Best Friend is not in a very happy marriage. Her Husband has always been a tricky character and is very very tight with money. I think he’s financially abusive she thinks he’s just a bit tight. They mainly have separate finances but this benefits him much more than her.

Any way, they have an online shop delivered once a week, they both add to it as needed. Today it’s been delivered and her sanitary towels were not on it. She assumed they were out of stock so she logged on to check the order and saw they had been removed. She asked her husband and he replied “you can pay for your own luxuries from your own money”.

I mean this is just ridiculous, it’s not as if she had added expensive face cream or make up! It would be the final straw for me

She needs to gather evidence and plan to go in a way that limits the damage he can cause.

Her “luxury” periods are what enabled him to have kids ffs.

My advise.

DO NOT ADVISE DO NOT SLAG HIM OFF. LISTEN ONLY and say I can only imagine how that made you feel

Well I’m hoping this spark starts the fire and she leaves. He will make it as difficult as possible, he’s very tight and cagey about money. Would not be surprised if he’s been squirrelling it away.

I know I’m making his sound like a pantomime villain. If you met him you would think he was a nice guy, but over may years I’ve seen him destroy her confidence in herself.

Well if he considers sanitary pads a luxury and has removed them from the shopping, then I suggest she takes his pants to wear when she is on her period, then his socks will make an excellent substitution for the pad.

I hope she leaves this twat soon.

Honestly, in these situations women tend to analyse each slight and bit of nastiness as individual things that can be worked on

This man does not love her. It is time to leave.

His mothers “luxury” periods are why this horrid specimen exists

It’s amazing what you tolerate when you get used to it… she needs to step back and realise what an arsehole her husband is!

Utter cunt

And how did she respond to him?!

If I was her I’d free bleed all over the furniture

He knows they're not a luxury.

This is not because he is an ignorant man who thinks women can hold in their periods or doesn't understand what periods are or whatever.

He knows exactly what they are, what they are for and why they are needed.

He is just seeing how far he can dehumanise her. He's pushing her deliberately to see if she has a limit. It's a game he's playing with himself.

If my husband said that i would spend the duration of my period naked and bleed over everything and i have PCOS so when i say bleed i mean BLEED, see how he fucking likes that.

I'd be raging too OP (in fact, I am, and I don't even know you or your friend!)
Your sentence "If you met him you would think he was a nice guy ..." tells me all I need to know about him - he's a narcissist who's keen to protect his public reputation, but is an absolute cunt behind closed doors. If I were your friend, I would publicly shame him. I would loudly tell people at various gatherings of family and friends what he did and said, so they can deliver the opprobrium he so richly deserves. Maybe when he sees other people's shocked and appalled reactions he might be embarrassed into behaving with more care and respect towards your friend.
PS: Sorry about the language, but I'm that furious! 😡

Do you know if she has family who you could communicate with about her ‘situation’?

Everything you said may be absolutely true, but I’ve never seen any good coming of interfering in other people’s marriages. The only people who really know what goes on are the two people involved, no one else.

You can support her to make her own decisions, but they have to be hers. Don’t encourage her to make the ones you would make in her situation, she’s not you. She needs to make up her own mind. Don’t publicly shame him as PP advised: no good will come of it and the only one who’ll suffer for that is your friend.

What an utter knobhead. He’s being cruel and greedy to say the least. I really hope she leaves him and he can take his bag of coppers to bed with him every night. Arsehole.

He obviously feels she is his inferior. I would look at the shopping list and remove things he chooses like shaving foam. That will teach him. Why do women put up with morons like this? It beggars belief that we don't stand up to them.

He despises her. I don’t think there is any coming back from that.
The cruel treatment will continue and may escalate even if it’s not violent.
Your support sounds wonderful and I think will be invaluable to her. You are a good friend.

If she tried to “shame him” in public he would laugh it off. “Oh darling you do come up with some funny stories”.

Im very careful what i say about him to her, attacking him could make her defend him more. I do think this has opened her eyes though, it’s such a small thing but very telling. She has
friends and family who will help but he really is clever and he manipulates people.

I want to punch him in the face. Repeatedly. Please show her this thread so she knows how utterly abhorrent his behaviour is.

Oh how awful ☹️. Very challenging for you to know how to help.
Do they have children?

He sounds awful. Fingers crossed this is what is needed for her to wake up and leave him.

Are any of her young teenagers girls?

Would he consider their periods to be a luxury?

Complete arsehole.

Thats deep into LTB territory. I don’t really understand how anyone can think otherwise?