ADVICE NEEDED - Ex doesnt want to tell our child about his secret baby

[GoldenTiger]

I separated from my ex partner who then began dating my best friend for a short while and they are now pregnant with his child. My ex wants nothing to do with this child, so has decided he isnt having any involvement, he no longer talks to my friend who is due to give birth soon.

My ex had said he is not telling our child about their half-sibling and that I have no right to tell them either - our child is 8, he plans on them never finding out. However, I have numerous other close friends who know about the baby and their children know about the baby and the pregnant friend lives a very short drive away. I'm fearful for our child's mental health should they find out through someone else or through another child talking about it to them, as I feel this is likely. I have said to my ex that they need to tell them due to my concerns of someone else telling them and the betrayal they might feel because of it. It's breaking my heart for our child because I feel they should know, I don't want them to feel I've hidden something from them but their dad won't allow me to. He has been emotionally aggressive and physical aggressive in the past, no physical harm to me or our child but has hit things in our home, which is why I left the relationship which makes me worried about telling our child when he's saying no.

Please can someone offer some insight or advice, any thoughts or opinions would be much appreciated.

No, it's not fine but at the end of the day children are now involved and my child will always be my priority. I couldn't allow my child to have a relationship with their sibling if I was hostile towards their siblings mum, that would be putting them in an awful situation

So your arsehole ex isn’t hiding this to protect his child with you or his relationship with them, it’s to prioritise and protect his new sexual relationship, and ultimately himself. What an absolute shithead. Your ex best friend is an arsehole too for having anything to do with him after you told her everything and cried on her shoulder. I feel for you and your child OP. Hope you’re both ok and the situation somehow gets resolved well for you both

What he wants is irrelevant, because what he wants is entirely selfish, toxic and him-centred.

There are now three women, one child and one unborn baby who all apparently are supposed to dance about and do what he says.

What exactly is the hold he has over you all?! 🤷‍♀️

1 Tell yourself 'I will stop tying myself in agonised knots over this arsehole who already takes up too much rent free space in my head.

My only concern is my child's welfare.

Not him, not my ex friend, not her baby, not his girlfriend.

They are not my circus, not my monkeys'.

2 Tell yourself 'if I deliberately conceal this truth from my child, I will be lying and deceiving her - for what?

All to appease this arsehole? Really??

And if she discovers later on in life what I did, imagine the fallout this could cause my relationship with her.'

3 Tell your child, today, in age-appropriate, your-child-appropriate terms about the situation.

I'd bet my lunch it'll be no big deal.

4 Tell him via email what you have done, in your child's interests and for the wellbeing of your relationship with her.

Shove him in the little box where he belongs - and push his hands off your life.

Lying and concealing WILL NOT END WELL.