To think most people are not that nice?

[Cougar47]

Possibly controversial, and there are of course some people who are incredibly lovely. Of course people can be very kind and genuine yet have boundaries, but what I want to say is that many people display elements of shitty behaviour.

Many friendships are just of convenience, they're local or they work with you. Leave that job/move an hour away you'll not hear from them again, because they can't be arsed.

People love to talk about others, gossip, judge, make fun of them.
Some friends if they think they've 'made it' in life i.e. marriage, kids, promotion and big house, well they think they can't relate to you anymore and they're above you now.

Many think nothing of leaving their partner for someone else.
I'm just a little fed up.

I am 54 and still see friends I went to school with. Easier than ever to be in touch nowadays but even before smart phones, we would call one another every now and then.

My best friend at school moved to the US and became quite famous but we still keep in touch. She became very wealthy but never forget her old mates.

I am sorry OP that you feel the way you do. I hope you make some nice friends.

I think this is an interesting one. There's lots of people I've worked with over the years who I thought were nice people, I'd socialise with them outside work sometimes, but in all honesty I don't think there was much appetite either side for keeping up the connection indefinitely once we'd stopped working together. Same with friends from university or people I've met on my travels. I don't see it as people "not making the effort" so much as not having enough in common to carry on a standalone friendship for years and years without a shared context connecting them. There's lots of people I'd be happy to run into again or work with again but I couldn't see myself inviting them out for dinner or coffee one-on-one (or whatever else a real friendship might involve) because I just don't think we'd have enough in common to talk about, or it would be a bit strange because we're at completely different life stages. Sometimes you can integrate somebody into your social life if they have things in common with your friends or partner, and they might become someone you'd invite to parties or occasionally have round for dinner, but if a person also has little in common with your existing social circle, that's hard too.

None of this means I didn't meant like them or didn't value the time we spent together, it's just that I think close, personal, ongoing friendship is quite rare, and not just the norm for anyone we happen to know and get on with. I say this as someone who has changed jobs a lot, travelled, and lived abroad - there's dozens of people who were friends at different times in my life, who I think of fondly now but don't keep in touch with. There are some I wish I still spoke to, but others it's hard to imagine how an ongoing friendship would have really worked. Any connection you can make with someone, through working together, living nearby or even just sharing an experience is valuable, and I certainly try to keep an open door to these connections even if they aren't regular, but I think hoping or expecting that most people you like or get on with, to transition into a real friendship is rare.