To think most people are not that nice?

[Cougar47]

Possibly controversial, and there are of course some people who are incredibly lovely. Of course people can be very kind and genuine yet have boundaries, but what I want to say is that many people display elements of shitty behaviour.

Many friendships are just of convenience, they're local or they work with you. Leave that job/move an hour away you'll not hear from them again, because they can't be arsed.

People love to talk about others, gossip, judge, make fun of them.
Some friends if they think they've 'made it' in life i.e. marriage, kids, promotion and big house, well they think they can't relate to you anymore and they're above you now.

Many think nothing of leaving their partner for someone else.
I'm just a little fed up.

Drivers are taught to see obstacles. Someone sat on the side of the road out their way wont register. Would be like any other thing on the side of the road. If they are not moving then you are safe to drive past.

If someone driving noticed someone sat on the side of the road with blood on them then they will not have been paying proper attention to the road.

Possibly the worst excuse for being entirely not “socially minded” I have ever heard.
I, as a driver, look at the road, I also look at whatever might cause a hazard at the side of the road. Don’t all good drivers? Aren’t you aware of people who might pull out or small side tracks? And if “something isn’t moving” you are safe to drive past? You don’t notice pedestrians that are stood still, not moving, but might be about to step out? You wouldn’t notice someone sat on the ground, in a white dress on green grass, on a single track road with no pavement?

As a driver then I hope you notice what is on the side of the road as they could end up being a hazard.
But I dont expect you to know if they have blood on their face or their emotional state. If you noticed that much then you are not paying attention to the road infront of you no matter how much you dress it up.

No, I noticed she had a bleeding face because I bloody stopped! When someone is sat on the side of a non pedestrian, single track road, the socially minded amongst us stop. Because we are socially minded, it’s not normal and someone might need help. It costs literally nothing to slow down, roll down the window and ask “everything alright, do you need help?” Which, as it happens, she did. They absolutely saw her, they just drove on. I was there, you weren’t. Although, even if you were, it sounds like you wouldn’t have stopped. Which rather proves my point.

I am not allowed to drive. and I have been the lady on the side of the road too.

I think it depends who you come across, I unfortunately have not come across too many nice people and I have moved around a lot. Its pretty sad. A lot of selfish people around now days, the "I am alright jack" kind.

I disagree with most of the OP, but I do agree about the convenience part. I’ve found it hard to make friendships stick over the years and I think it is because most people couldn’t be bothered beyond what is convenient for them.

I love people and find them endless fascinating, loads of people have very good personalities even excellent personalities however I think a lot of people, most I have experienced have pretty weak characters. It doesn’t bother me too much because I expect it now.

Kind of get you
I found it was always me putting in effort in to friendships and relationships
Nothing was ever matched coming back
So now I meet them where they are ..I won't put in any more effort with them ,than they do with me ..but yeah people can be shitty for sure

I agree with this about the work people… a lot of people are lovely colleagues, but they are not friends.

At my old job I was friendly with everyone. We went on nights out, dinners and lunches regularly.

However having recently left the company, I know that I’ll only really speak to handful of people and these are my friends.

Surprised at responses on this. In my experience most people are selfish and are “ nice” to those who they need to make their own lives easier at the time. Then move on. We’re all expendable. A sudden bereavement a few years ago really opened my eyes.

You aren’t allowed to drive but you’ve written about four posts telling me how people should drive? Like I said, you’ve rather proved my point. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Look at the road and not the faces of the people on the path FFS. I am not allowed to drive and even I know enough to sound like a safer driver than you.

I think a lot of this is projection OP.

We all carry a lot of baggage and we need to set that down every now and then and not take things so personally.

I often think I'm hard done by by others but I ran into an old friend recently who told me our mutual friend had been upset that I hadn't kept in touch. Sadly she'd passed away before I could put it right.

Made me have a hard think about what I had done to others without even realising.

FGS. There was no bloody path! And “sounding” like a good driver is frankly meaningless. I am glad I stopped to help her and I think it’s shit that the people before me didn’t. Have a good evening.

Drive safely

I believe most people are good when you're not heavily involved with them.
If I get a vibe of meanness from a person, I won't waste my time worrying about them.
I have a personal scoreboard where I have to do 5 nice things for random strangers, it's easily accomplished when you travel on public transport, it keeps me sane and is part of my recovery, lifting a pushchair or shopping trolley counts as a point. 😅

Keep your circle very small and don't waste time worrying what anyone outside of that group thinks. I'm actually so much happier since I genuinely stopped caring what people think. I don't judge anyone else's life choices, don't gossip and I mind my own business.

I agree OP, society has lost the warmth and genuineness that we used to have. There's more complexity and resultant manipulative and abusive behaviour. Personally, I don't really trust people now and this effects my desire and ability to make friendships.

In my case, it doesn't help that someone who I once considered to be a close and loyal friend randomly turned on me for no apparent reason.

I am definitely not the only person who has experienced anything like this.

It only takes one crappy social situation to turn an person from being a kind, caring soul to more cautious and sceptical about other human beings.

Fair enough. That sounds appalling. I'd like to think most people would step in but I may be wrong.
Another example is that I was driving past a man who had fallen in the road recently. The first three people who passed him (two young women and I) stopped and all helped him up and made sure he was OK. I don't like to think we were doing anything exceptional (I'm certain my good friends, husband and colleagues would all do the same) but, as I say, perhaps I am wrong.
Not sure what I said deserved the final comment though. Surely it's better to see mainly good in people...?

I don't think it's personality flaws exactly as much as the modern world is pushing us beyond what we're really capable for, socially/emotionally. Most people I know are just chasing their tails to keep up and if they happen to have a small bit of free time it's spent on their own family. I think lots of people wish they could be better friends or help others more but just don't know how they'd ever manage it.

That's different to being downright mean though , I wouldn't say most people are like that though. There have always been "gossips" and unkind people, I have found them to be the minority.

I think most people are nice. I, however, am not particularly interested in 'nice'. The friends I choose are people who are clever, creative, articulate, good company, have led often odd and interesting lives. Some of them have big houses and jobs, some of them have spouses and children, some of them are living freelance hand to mouth lives and having a ball.

In your shoes, I'd be asking myself why I had so many unpleasant people in my life, and whether there was something I was doing to draw them.

And I'd rethink your attitude to temporary or situational friendships. Not all friendships are lifelong, or survive a change in whatever circumstance brought you together, and that's OK.

And I have no issue with friends leaving their partner for someone else. It happens. It causes hurt. It's also not uncommon.

This is accurate and has been borne out in studies. Its called confirmation bias and your brain looks for evidence to support your world view and discards anything that opposes it so you end up with the belief that you are always right.

If you think everyone is selfish and out for themselves thats what you will experience. If you believe most people are good and kind, thats what you will experience the majority of the time.

The two cars in front of me drove past her without stopping. So no, I don’t think most people are “ socially minded”.

Two people doesnt represent "most" though, surely? I wouldnt take a study seriously if they only had 2 participants in it. Ive witnessed accidents where lots of people helped.