To wonder what women mean when they say they want their bf/husband to be 'dominant' and 'take the lead'?

[TheKingOfTheCats]

I'm not talking about odd online tradwife stuff or strictly religious people who think wives should submit.

It's more that, while I'm not dating myself atm (& mainly date women) I'm interested in relationship dynamics generally & on SM & a lot of online dating advice (for m/f couples) I notice a lot of women saying they want a 'dominant' male partner who will 'take the lead'. Also some saying that men these days aren't dominant enough.

Don't look at male views so much, though quite a few do cite submissiveness as being attractive.

IRL I'm at uni atm & most of my friends w bfs don't seem to make a huge thing of this. They may like outward trappings like the boy being the one to ask out or organise dates, but generally don't seem to have an overall 'leader'.

What do people think?

Part of me thinks that a lot of it is US dynamics (a lot of it is US), as they seem to be more into gender roles there, and there may be crossover with the trad stuff.

I also think that a lot of women may understandably want the man to take more of a lead in the courtship stage to prove he's willing to commit & provide esp if she wants children and may be potentially vulnerable then.

I suppose I'm more thinking about women who feel to the need to be 'led' by a 'dominant man' well into an established relationship. It seems a bit depressingly antifeminist to me - after all, wasn't equal rights all about leaving behind retrograde ideas about the man being head of the household and the wife being submissive & obedient?

On here, I've often noticed women complain about 'DH not taking lead', but it seems generally to be a complaint about husbands who require their wives to organise & initiate everything, rather than wanting the husband to generally be the 'leader'.

Do you work or do you want them to fund your lifestyle as well?

Exactly, my soon to be ex doesn’t sort anything practical, if something breaks I fix it, if something practical needs arranging like a car mot, the dog needs to go to the vets or whatever I do everything and it’s draining and dull.

I’d just appreciate someone noticing any of these ongoing adult admin things and just getting it done!

Yes, I am the dominant one in the sense that I have set the rules of the game and walk if they're not followed.

I suppose one of the rules is that they have to perform strength, capability, and leadership.

I don't have any intention of ever living with a man again, so I wouldn't expect this dynamic to be a problem, even in a longer period of dating.

They want someone else to make the decisions so that they can complain about them afterwards.

A couple posters suggested I might be doing this because I don't want to work or I can't afford to pay for myself.

A more careful reader of my OP would have noticed that I said that I don't make a scene if they want to do 50/50 at the end of the date. I don't tell men they have to pay. I'm more than able to pay. I could pay for us both!

Mostly my Bumble screening process means that I'm only meeting men who would pay by default. If it fails, fine. I pay and I'm gracious. No second date.

Dating men is dangerous. Men are dangerous. I'm not paying to participate in this arena. They can be fucking grateful I'm here at all, considering how dangerous men are.