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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a rude text?

93 replies

CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 17:12

I went for a trial shift a few days ago just at a little coffee shop. It’s over minimum wage and the day was ok but the manager was a bit abrupt. At the end of the shift she said to me “do you think you’ll come back?” So I said yes, I’m actually quite shy with new people and she mockingly responded “yeah” in a high pitched voice, almost teasing me as if to say you don’t seem keen.
she had got back to my application very quickly so I hadn’t had time to arrange childcare properly, I said at the end of the shift I would be in touch when I’d confirmed it was in place. This was only 4 days ago - I was going to email a list of my availability tonight.
i just got a text that read “hi. Do you not want the job anymore? Regards” that was it. No thanks for the trial shift, how did you find it. Am I reading too much into it or does that seem abrupt to you?
DH is on a good wage and I’m very fortunate I don’t NEED to work, it was just going to help a bit in the run up to Christmas.
opinions?

OP posts:
Blogswife · 26/09/2025 19:26

No I wouldn’t bother . If you don’t need the money immediately I’d look around for somewhere more friendly . This woman sounds rude - mocking you etc. I wouldn’t want to work with someone like that

Original poster
CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 19:32

@ttcbabyno2ber where was I rude though? It’s not as easy as “should have (not of) sorted childcare” when you had 2 DC, both my parents work still and DH job is obviously what pays the mortgage and pays for us to live so he had to check if he had meetings etc and do some rearranging. It’s not as if she’d messaged before and I’d ignored her, we just hadn’t agreed a date I’d get back to her by and I didn’t want to email until I had a list of the days I was available and when I wasn’t.

I replied, thanked her for the trial and said when I was next available and that I would like the job and 3 hours later she hasn’t replied yet.

OP posts:
ttcbabyno2ber · 26/09/2025 19:35

CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 19:32

@ttcbabyno2ber where was I rude though? It’s not as easy as “should have (not of) sorted childcare” when you had 2 DC, both my parents work still and DH job is obviously what pays the mortgage and pays for us to live so he had to check if he had meetings etc and do some rearranging. It’s not as if she’d messaged before and I’d ignored her, we just hadn’t agreed a date I’d get back to her by and I didn’t want to email until I had a list of the days I was available and when I wasn’t.

I replied, thanked her for the trial and said when I was next available and that I would like the job and 3 hours later she hasn’t replied yet.

If it’s an immediate start job did you explain that it could take a week to sort childcare?
I can only assume you knew of the hours when you applied, so I can understand why 4 days after your trial they are still confused as to why you haven’t agreed a start date.

If your manager knew your situation and that you wouldn’t be able to start immediately and needed to sort childcare then no, you’re not rude.

If you of course didn’t mention this and radio silence for 4 days I understand why they’re chasing you up

Cosyblankets · 26/09/2025 19:40

You said you'd confirm and you didn't in 4 days. How long does it take? You say you were waiting on your husband etc but she didn't know that. You could have text and said I'm waiting on my husband but I'm still interested.

Put yourself in the shoes of the person who is second choice. You've done your trial shift and 4 days later you've not heard anything. Wouldn't you assume you've not got the job?
They have a business to run and the world does not revolve around you.

Owly11 · 26/09/2025 19:40

I think you sound socially awkward and are behaving as if she is the one on trial. I do understand that when applying for a job you are checking out the employer too, but your whole stance towards the process has been rather non committal. When a potential employer says at the end of a trial ‘so are you coming back’ they might be expecting a more enthusiastic response as it clearly indicates that you have got the job. Just saying ‘yeah’ is not appropriate. It would have been better to say something like ‘if you’ll have me I would love to’ or ‘it’s been a good day and I would love to I just need a few days to sort things out’ and then be much more proactive. You are sending very mixed messages and as a potential employer it would put me off. I would think you were taking the piss/messing me around.

redskydelight · 26/09/2025 19:48

CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 17:30

Ahh I’m in 2 minds whether to tell her I can’t take it or not. I was going to do 2 days neither of which have gone by in this time if that makes sense (Monday and Tuesday, trial was Tuesday) so I thought as long as I’d got back to her before my next “day” it didn’t matter. It’s just the tone of the text that’s got my back up. I was meant to be paid for the trial day though as I did 8-5.30 so I bloody want the money!

So if you were meant to be working on Monday, when were you going to confirm? Saturday or Sunday? Leaving her hardly any notice to find an alternative.

Original poster
CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 19:50

@Owly11 she said “so are you coming back?” She didn’t say when are you coming back.. and i responded “yeah!” Cheerfully and she took the piss. Then as we left she said “so I’ll see you when I see you, let me know” and I said yes I just need to sort childcare and I’ll be in touch. That was the last communication we had. I’m not arguing whether I’m socially awkward or not but I found the tone of her message very jarring. She offering me a job serving chips for a couple of months not telling me I’ve won the lottery, I’m going to be grateful but not go around doing cartwheels 😅

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/09/2025 19:51

4 days - you are not interested

the same evening / next morning - you are keen

Original poster
CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 19:53

@redskydelight I’d not given her a start date or said that I would work on Monday.

OP posts:
m00rfarm · 26/09/2025 19:54

Four days of no contact - I would assume you are definitely not interested if I were looking for a new employee.

Original poster
CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 19:55

I just found the “do you not want the job then? Regards” just very jarring as I say. It may well be her communication style but even something along the lines of I would’ve hoped I’d have heard from you slightly sooner, are you still wanting to join the team? Would’ve been less.. snappy.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 26/09/2025 19:58

CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 19:55

I just found the “do you not want the job then? Regards” just very jarring as I say. It may well be her communication style but even something along the lines of I would’ve hoped I’d have heard from you slightly sooner, are you still wanting to join the team? Would’ve been less.. snappy.

youve changed that from the wording in your OP, which was it?

redskydelight · 26/09/2025 19:59

The thing is, in current climate, I suspect she'll have plenty of people that are happy to serve chips for a couple of months who can start straight away. Yes, her text was abrupt, but you are treating this very casually - tell her you want the job or you can get back to her by x date, don't just dilly dally making her think you are just a time waster.

Owly11 · 26/09/2025 20:00

CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 19:50

@Owly11 she said “so are you coming back?” She didn’t say when are you coming back.. and i responded “yeah!” Cheerfully and she took the piss. Then as we left she said “so I’ll see you when I see you, let me know” and I said yes I just need to sort childcare and I’ll be in touch. That was the last communication we had. I’m not arguing whether I’m socially awkward or not but I found the tone of her message very jarring. She offering me a job serving chips for a couple of months not telling me I’ve won the lottery, I’m going to be grateful but not go around doing cartwheels 😅

You asked for opinions and that was mine. Take it or leave it, it makes no difference to me.

scoobysnaxx · 26/09/2025 20:02

Noshadowsinthedark · 26/09/2025 17:20

Personally I would run for the hills.

This is the behaviour while recruiting, I would bet she’s a nightmare as a manager.

I would be looking elsewhere.

This full stop. Unless you’re desperate for work I’d run a mile.

Catsknowbest · 26/09/2025 20:03

Rude imo

Original poster
CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 20:06

Sorry - to be exact it reads “hi do you not want the job anymore? regards” that was the full message.

OP posts:
aperollingintotheweekend · 26/09/2025 20:08

Why not just find a job somewhere you’re comfortable and where you click with the manager? She sounds an arse, but I can also understand her being pissed you took 4 days to confirm. You don’t need a job, so maybe find one you actually want instead of this one as it probably won’t end well.

veggietate · 26/09/2025 20:13

CozyPumpkinSzn · 26/09/2025 20:06

Sorry - to be exact it reads “hi do you not want the job anymore? regards” that was the full message.

The message is slightly formal because you’d blanked her for four days and she probably thought you were a time waster.

Fringegirl1 · 26/09/2025 20:15

Bit of both- 4 days is a long time to not get back to them- but equally I wouldn’t work with someone who mocked my voice - so I’d walk away

TheHillIsMine · 26/09/2025 20:30

If you want the job sort childcare and tell her. If you don't, tell her. Don't be cutting your nose off, etc.

GanninHyem · 26/09/2025 20:49

time just gets away with me running after my 2 and I’ve been waiting for DH to check his work calendar.

It's really not her problem you've got kids and your husband can't do a 2 minute task in 4 days though is it?

It sounds like you're used to working in a very cotton woolly type environment, everyone tripping over themselves to use as gentle and delicate words as possible while this woman is a blunt and cuts to the chase (while probably being passive aggressive on the side too).

I would probably do both of you a favour and decline the next shift / job. It doesn't sound like it would work out.

MrsEMR · 26/09/2025 20:52

I think it’s a very rude message. Is this the type of person you want to work with? It would be a hard no from me.

Netcurtainnelly · 26/09/2025 20:54

You don't need to work so why are you?
Let someone else have the job who needs the money?

Jackiepumpkinhead · 26/09/2025 20:56

She probably thinks you’re flakey. Your childcare arrangements and husband’s job are of no importance to her.