AIBU to think this is completely inappropriate? Dance school asking paying customers for money for the owner's baby gift

[edme]

My DD attends a dance school - it's once a week, and we pay the fees like normal paying customers. It's a successful dance school with lots of regular and one-off classes, clearly good business acumen, 10-20 teachers. The owner has just had a baby, which is lovely news obviously.
But then we got this email from the dance school itself asking all parents to contribute towards flowers and a gift for the owner during her maternity leave - they even suggested an amount (around £5-10!). The email said things like "a few parents have asked if we're arranging a collection" and "this is a way to show our care and thanks for how hard she's worked." And they call us their "family".
I was already thinking this was a bit off - we're paying customers, not employees! We already show our appreciation by paying for the classes. If some parents wanted to organise something independently, fine, but the business itself asking customers for money to buy a gift for the owner?
I totally expected them to back off.
Instead, a week later, we've now had a reminder email chasing people who haven't donated yet! It says things like "if you've already donated, thank you" and "if you'd still like to take part" despite claiming "no pressure at all."
They want us to transfer money to the teacher's personal bank account (seems like the sister of the owner) and provide our names and messages.
AIBU to think this is completely tone-deaf and inappropriate? It feels like they're treating paying customers like employees who owe the boss a gift, and then chasing us up about it. I actually think asking employees for money to gift the boss is also inappropriate, but that's worse/
What would you do? I'm genuinely baffled...
Maybe I'm in the wrong and this is completely normal behaviour for businesses, or schools aimed at children? But it just feels so inappropriate to me!

I think the original request is OK, but not the chaser.

I'd be curious if the use of your email meets GDPR rules too but perhaps that's going a bit far in the luvvie world of dance!

YANBU they shouldn’t be trying to organise something themselves. If a parent wanted to then that’s slightly different.

I'd continue to ignore it.

I wouldn't be bothered. I'd contribute if I wanted to. It's the same as teacher collections imo it's better to gift £5 which lumped together makes a decent amount, than 25 people buy multiple small gifts

I’m assuming that it’s some of the other dance school staff that are organising this for the dance school owner? If so, then it’s fine to ask if anyone wants to contribute, it’s not ok to insist, or suggest amounts to donate, or to push for donations with repeated emails and reminders. If the dance school owner has organised this for herself then it’s just grabby and greedy.

I think it's fine, just they shouldn't chase.

We’ve just contributed to similar, the dance teacher in question is amazing with the kids and really goes above and beyond so I was happy to - and crucially we can afford to.

I think the initial email was ok as it saves time for people who would have got something anyway (like me) but the chaser is a step too far as it then starts to feel mandatory, which it shouldn’t be.

Wouldn’t personally bother me. If I liked the person and wanted to contribute, I would. If not, I’d ignore.

Nah I'd also find this quite odd and the chase up email is bang out of order imo. I'd just ignore it for now but if anymore "reminders" get sent I think I'd be tempted to send an email back expressing my opinion..

I think it’s fine. It’s like organising a gift for a leader in an activity. One of dc’s Beavers leaders left over the summer as she was moving away for a job. There was a little collection and card that went around for her. Fine, it’s a nice gesture for someone your dc knows and who supports them in doing something they enjoy.

I wouldn’t be offended and I wouldn’t feel pressured to contribute if I didn’t want to.

Nothing wrong with it.

Parents have asked if there's a collection so they've organised it.

Just ignore if you don't want to give.

It's fine.

Don't see a problem here. Our dance school asks everyone to contribute to flowers and a gift for the owner at the annual show. I don't want to contribute so I don't. Weird to be offended by it being an option.

Collection (in theory) is fine.

Chaser I'm on the fence. As long as it wasn't too pushy I'd just continue to ignore.

Advising on amount, no way and putting money into someone's account - Hell no. I'd expect they use one of those websites like Viing.

Awful. Totally inappropriate.

In my experience, commercial dance schools are nasty little cults of personality surrounding some chav failed-ballerina with ideas above her station.

I think its fine and the chaser is fine too. I just delete

If they chased me personally in a kind of "we notice you haven't donated" way I'd be pretty fucking pissed off though

I think you are over reacting

Parents have asked if there is a collection, one of her colleagues is just saying - chip in here - and literally saying 'no pressure'

I wouldnt give it a second thought and would feel zero pressure!

Beavers leaders are volunteers who give up their time and energy to help children.

Hardly the same as the owner of a profit-making business.

I think it's fine to do collections for volunteers like Beaver's leads and charities, and teachers at school, but not to successful business owners, no matter how much they want to give the impression we are a "family".
Also I think suggesting an amount (£5-£10) is making it really appropriate. I think sending out a virtual card to sign, or bringing in a card to class to sign would have been a lovely idea, or explicitly asking for a small amount of money for flowers would have been also bad.
I think suggesting a £5-£10 is particularly tone deaf.

I'm just astounded at how entitled and hard faced people can be. Who on earth thinks they're special or important enough that random people would want to contribute money towards a gift for them. I'm embarrassed for them.

As long as no-one is singled out for not donating it's fine.
My daughter dances 5 days a week at her dance school,.she's been going since she was 4. She calls it her other family and it is very much a second home to her. The principal of the school and the core teachers have been a constant thought her life (unlike school teachers who change regularly) and I have made firm friends with the other dance mums as well. It's not just a clinical business.

I think a collection for a dance teacher/dance school owner is fine, some parents would want to contribute but I think its been handled clumsily.
At my daughters dance school their was collections for the dance teachers in occasionally for life events or if they left.
I'm assuming the owner also teaches?
They could have put a sign up in reception, and maybe also sent an email asking with the news and saying if anyone would like a add message on a card /contribute to a gift please contact x

Depends how it’s phrased.

Something like this wouldn’t be a problem for me,

Debbie will be on maternity leave shortly. Several parents have asked to contribute towards some flowers and a gift for the baby. If you would like to contribute too, please make your donation and leave a message for Debbie at the following link: Xxxxxx

If they'd not suggested an amount they'd probably have people moaning they didn't know what to do and asking everyone else how much they were contributing.

Donate or don't. It's no skin of anyone's nose but but this idea of being offended just by being invited to do something is very OTT to me.

After the second email I'd fake a return to responder email
"this email address doesn't exist" type of thing

It’s fine and a chaser wouldn’t be unusual, just to prompt those who wanted to contribute then forgot all about it. Just don’t contribute. It’s great when someone else organises it.