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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is completely inappropriate? Dance school asking paying customers for money for the owner's baby gift

59 replies

edme · 26/09/2025 11:22

My DD attends a dance school - it's once a week, and we pay the fees like normal paying customers. It's a successful dance school with lots of regular and one-off classes, clearly good business acumen, 10-20 teachers. The owner has just had a baby, which is lovely news obviously.
But then we got this email from the dance school itself asking all parents to contribute towards flowers and a gift for the owner during her maternity leave - they even suggested an amount (around £5-10!). The email said things like "a few parents have asked if we're arranging a collection" and "this is a way to show our care and thanks for how hard she's worked." And they call us their "family".
I was already thinking this was a bit off - we're paying customers, not employees! We already show our appreciation by paying for the classes. If some parents wanted to organise something independently, fine, but the business itself asking customers for money to buy a gift for the owner?
I totally expected them to back off.
Instead, a week later, we've now had a reminder email chasing people who haven't donated yet! It says things like "if you've already donated, thank you" and "if you'd still like to take part" despite claiming "no pressure at all."
They want us to transfer money to the teacher's personal bank account (seems like the sister of the owner) and provide our names and messages.
AIBU to think this is completely tone-deaf and inappropriate? It feels like they're treating paying customers like employees who owe the boss a gift, and then chasing us up about it. I actually think asking employees for money to gift the boss is also inappropriate, but that's worse/
What would you do? I'm genuinely baffled...
Maybe I'm in the wrong and this is completely normal behaviour for businesses, or schools aimed at children? But it just feels so inappropriate to me!

OP posts:
OhDear111 · 26/09/2025 17:19

@edme To be fair it’s you who mentioned the “wealth” of the owner and stated how many employees she has. Not that they make you wealthy with costs of employment! If it’s irrelevant, don’t mention it. Some will give because they like babies and they like her. Others won’t. That’s ok too.

Pharazon · 27/09/2025 00:37

coxesorangepippin · 26/09/2025 16:17

There's a kids football group near to us that asks for a 'donation to massimo' on the registration form. Just that. Not even pretending

Massimo owns the group

Massimo driving a Maserati

Massimo happy man

Please tell me that Massimo has the top four buttons of his shirt undone and wears a St Christopher medallion and D&G sunglasses?

coxesorangepippin · 27/09/2025 02:37

Pharazon · 27/09/2025 00:37

Please tell me that Massimo has the top four buttons of his shirt undone and wears a St Christopher medallion and D&G sunglasses?

He is exactly as you describe, pharazon!

Like a sopranos extra

😂

spoonbillstretford · 27/09/2025 03:18

I think it would be ok for one of the parents to organise it amongst themselves. If the school wants to give her a gift it shoud come from them/their employees. I would be pointing that out to the owner! You don't ask customers for donations.

spoonbillstretford · 27/09/2025 03:26

Ineedmybru · 26/09/2025 13:57

This wouldn't bother me at. If I wanted to I would contribute. If I didn't want to, I wouldn't. I think it's fine for someone to have arranged something centrally for anyone who wants to join in.

Even if it is her job, it's a school teacher's job to teach the class, he or she gets paid to it, and still lots of people buy a give or contribute to a gift. In this scenario it's a dance teacher instead of a class teacher. I get that it's not exactly the same but they still might have a bond with the kids, give up free time to do things for their classes, go above and beyond etc. Or maybe just be really good at their job and the parents and children love them.

If anything it should be parents organising it, not the dance school. If the dance school wants to organise a gift it shoud do a collection among employees or give a gift from the business. It's cheeky fuckery to ask your paying customers to contribute, and not just ask but demand. Imagine if your firm of solicitors asked their clients for a contribution to their colleague's baby gift?

CloverPyramid · 27/09/2025 04:08

I don’t think the initial email was a problem, and nor was having one chaser email. Some people do want to contribute but need a reminder. If they send more or start pressuring in person then that’s definitely wrong IMO.

We’ve had similar at toddler classes when the leader had a baby or had an illness and I just donated if I wanted to.

Puzzledtoday · 27/09/2025 18:52

I’d ignore it. Maybe some parents will take part but that’s up to them,

Zanatdy · 27/09/2025 18:56

Quite a normal request really, just because you pay for a service doesn’t mean you wouldn’t want to contribute towards a gift. You don’t have to contribute.

edme · 29/09/2025 07:20

Another reminder has arrived. To be fair, not a dedicated one, but inside a newsletter, with a highlighted section to contribute.

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