To think that on average women ARE less keen on casual sex? (NB. I have no objections to casual sex if ethical)

[MusettasWaltz]

This isn't a TAAT but it's partly prompted by an AIBU I saw recently where the OP was saying promiscuous men should be shamed. The OP was about my age (19) & seemed somewhat odd, but I was also surprised by a lot of the replies. Many said that women like casual sex just as much as men do, and often appear to like it less anecdotally & in studies because of slut-shaming & other factors. (Some of this might have been a reaction to the OP's stated strong disapproval of casual sex & encouragement of shaming, but most opinions do seem genuine)

I know a lot of cod psychology about women is pretty sexist and inaccurate. But my gut feeling is that on average women probably DO like casual sex less. For one thing, while some promiscuity does have some evolutionary benefit for species like birds, generally it benefits a man more evolutionarily to have casual sex more than it does a woman.

Obvs evopsych isn't the only think motivating people by a long shot, but it does have some truth I think.

Anecdotally, most of my friends are lukewarm at best about it. That could untypical ofc..

(My personal stance is that I could see myself in a casual FWB relationship but wouldn't have a ONS. This is personal, I don't think there's anything intrinsically bad about them so long as people treat each other with respect and aren't too drunk/coerced. Etc)

Curious to know the MN stance. Am I being stupidly old-fashioned? Or is this at least somewhat true?

Ive not heard the argument that women would still want sex with their husbands, I've been married and I've gone off sex with my husband due to their selfish ways/lack of communication etc, def not gone off sex itself as I discovered when I left him and had lots of sex!

I find it more misogynistic to denigrate women for "catching feelings" as if this is weak behaviour.

I find the idea men or women having casual sex completely bizarre. I would expect there to be a relationship in place before having sex. But then I’m more about mental connections rather than just carnal endeavours. Actually more than bizarre, I find people who do this rather loose. Not my kind of person.

If it's ok to ask, are you male? If so, is there pressure to have casual sex in your social circle?

If you are referring to me and assuming that I “denigrate women’, that is quite some reach.

Willingness to have sex with strangers is THE most consistent and replicable sex difference.

I think I remember the thread you are talking about and I'm wondering if you are the same person because the OP of that thread shortened certain words down e.g "obvs" and you do that too.

That sounds accurate. And I suspect most studies of casual sex are focusing on strangers or at least people the person doesn't know well.

Who are all these men having casual sex with then..

Willingness isn't the same as actually having it! You can also look at the difference in gay male sexual behaviour - much more organisation around stranger & casual sex because there isn't the barrier of women's greater disinclination to engage in that kind of thing.

Compared to men yes women as a collective like casual sex less.

Not sure anybody disagrees with that.

I would have thought that the most distinct sex difference would be the propensity to violence, be that rape or other sexual violence. Female rape and sexual violence stats must be a tiny fraction of male.

How is that patronising?
They enjoyed casual sex when they were in their 20s and now in their 50s they're enjoying it again.
It's a turn of phrase, no negativity implied.

I'm still not sure why you seem to be so keen on discovering hard-and-fast rules based on stereotypes, averages and evopsych bollocks.

Who cares about the average man and woman? They don't exist. The individual men and women in your life exist and every permutation of sex drive you can think of will be among them.

Trying to fit people into cliched boxes is fairly useless. Sexuality is interesting because most people are exceptions to the cliches in some way.

Who said anything about hard and fast rules?

"If I meet one man and one woman, I predict that the man will have a higher willingness to have casual sex than the man" is a statement with very high predictive power.

You can go around assuming all the lesbians in your life are desperate to go dogging every night if you like. Let me know how your invites turn out...

I don't assume anything about anyone, and I certainly don't assume it just based on their gender. That's literally my point.