Holiday during GCSEs, AIBU?

[blackdogatmyheels]

DH has suddenly got the travel bug. He's always been into holidays and went abroad alone when I was pregnant and DD a baby.

I didn't get a passport until DD was 6, which is when I first went abroad.

We went abroad a few times, then stopped due to COVID and deaths in the family, as well as me being ill.

We went to Portugal last Easter (24), then France during the summer hols.

We went abroad in Easter and August this year.

We're going abroad again during the October half-term, which I was unhappy about, as DD has her mocks in December and January.

DH has just looked up flights for New York next Easter, as DD really wants to go.

I'm not happy about this as it's right before her GCSEs and the school has clinics, which she (or may not), want to utilise. She will definitely need to revise.

I understand that she also needs some time off and fun, but going to New York for a week just feels too much. I worry about illness, tiredness and her not revising enough.

We can't go when she finishes as DH only has school holidays off.

He's in a mood with me now, saying he's going to go alone or just him and DD.

I've consistently told him that next Easter was NOT an option for a holiday, due to the GCSEs, so I'm not sure why he's so angry, when it isn't me who's moving goalposts.

I admit I find going abroad stressful and am very anxious, but this is NOT what this is about...I'm already pissed off that we're going away next month, when she could use that week getting ready for her mocks.

He's an idiot

And selfish

He needs to put his daughter first. FFS.

Obviously each individual child is different but we went away last April for 4 nights just before dd's gcses & I don't think she suffered at all for it. Her school put on extra revision sessions which were compulsory for the whole of year 11 so I felt she needed a break

I do however feel your OH is being selfish booking it when you've already said no

I wouldn’t. Youngest Dd is in yr11 and we absolutely love holidays. We usually have our main holiday over Easter but definitely not this year.
jet lag and NY will be exhausting so I wouldn’t.
we’ve booked a med cruise for October half term.
Dds are in their own cabin and youngest will definitely have time for studying so I think it will be fine for us.
I think our school might be doing things slightly differently to yours though.

Could you compromise for something shorter in Europe in the Easter holidays and NY after the exams?

I would be afraid that jetlag on the way home from NY might break DD's concentration for a few days after coming back.
Otherwise, it's impossible to concentrate for a whole year straight and using part of holidays to actually holiday can help in the end.

I've had two children through gcses. I wouldn't have gone away easter before exams. Both my DS had sessions during Easter hols. It's a few weeks in their lifetime to put plans on hold.

Not a good idea.

you already know that.

Personally I wouldn't be happy with a trip to NY, or anywhere long haul, in the run up to exams. I've just come out of my two going GCSE and A Level this summer. We had a few days away Easter in the UK, to visit relatives principally, and the boys took revision. But otherwise we took no holidays, and would usually go Easter or May plus camping weekends. Plenty of other times to do a big trip your OH and daughter want, why not the summer to celebrate finishing or October?
I think your OH is being very childish getting the huff and saying he and DD will go without you.

First post nailed it 100%

Easter is very early next year so a long way before the GCSEs and as only a week of the two I would not think an issue in terms of revision (and I’m a teacher) BUT the fact you said you didn’t want him to book and he’s ignored you is an issue so YANBU in that regard.

Hols just before GCSEs can work if you are organised and schedule revision in/around them. It comes across as you blocking the hol due to anxiety. That might seem quite controlling to the rest of your family?

Why can’t you go in the summer when she’s finished and everyone is relaxed and happy? I wouldn’t go away Easter of GCSEs

DS did his GCSE’s last summer. Not a chance we’d have gone on holiday, in fact DS would have refused to go. He needed the whole of Easter to get his head down and into a studying mind set. We did have a few days out, but a whole holiday would have been so stressful for all of us.

No, whether Easter is early or late, there will be revision sessions and exam prep. Please don’t do it.

He is selfish. My DD would have refused to go.

There's no way I'd be having a holiday just before GCSEs. Afterwards though, as they finish early so you could get something just before the rest break up.

He's a fucking idiot.

Is he really prepared to jeopardise his child's exam results (and therefore affect her access to the next stage of education) for the sake of a bloody jolly?

Tell him to go alone if he's determined to go. I honestly would find it very hard to sleep in the same bed as a selfish twat like this. Being a parent is about helping your children move into the next stage of their life. Being the best person they can be.

DD is definitely not organised! Her school is rated one of the best in the country due to their excellent results, DD is doing well, but I imagine she will need to go in for Biology (she seems fine in Physics and Chemistry, which is opposite to me).

I don't block holidays. Yes I'm anxious, but go anyway. I said I'd love to go to New York next Autumn, as DD will (hopefully), being doing A Levels, so it should be OK.

DH has already booked next summers holiday abroad for August, so can't go then, plus heat.

I'd be happy to go somewhere in the UK, just New York seems a bit much.

Absolutely not. DH is an idiot and should remember that he's an adult and act like one.

I think expecting a Year 11 child to revise at October half term for mocks in January is a bit weird. She will benefit from a break in the run up to mocks. The Easter one is a bit different - but I think again a week off before she settles down for revision is not a disaster. The GCSEs tend to be a bit later than A levels. May half term would definitely be a bad idea. I think your fear of going abroad is affecting how you are reacting to things - do you have to go? My husband is less keen on travel than me and I obviously prefer it if he fancies it too - but am happy to go on my own if he isn't.

No I would never go away in the Easter hols before GCSEs start. This is the key time for revision and she should be focused on that.

Can you not compromise with a short trip somewhere closer? We went for a week to Lanzarote in the Easter holidays before DD’s GCSEs. She took some studying with her and a couple of days didn’t come out with is but stayed in to study. The break did her good tbh. NY is a bit of a different kettle of fish as there’d be jet lag to factor in, so I’d say not a good idea.

October is fine, Easter is not.

Check her exam timetable as if she finishes early you can go away in June before schools finish. That's what most families with GCSE students that I know have done.

I mean even just the jetlag. What's the guy even thinking?