Holiday during GCSEs, AIBU?

[blackdogatmyheels]

DH has suddenly got the travel bug. He's always been into holidays and went abroad alone when I was pregnant and DD a baby.

I didn't get a passport until DD was 6, which is when I first went abroad.

We went abroad a few times, then stopped due to COVID and deaths in the family, as well as me being ill.

We went to Portugal last Easter (24), then France during the summer hols.

We went abroad in Easter and August this year.

We're going abroad again during the October half-term, which I was unhappy about, as DD has her mocks in December and January.

DH has just looked up flights for New York next Easter, as DD really wants to go.

I'm not happy about this as it's right before her GCSEs and the school has clinics, which she (or may not), want to utilise. She will definitely need to revise.

I understand that she also needs some time off and fun, but going to New York for a week just feels too much. I worry about illness, tiredness and her not revising enough.

We can't go when she finishes as DH only has school holidays off.

He's in a mood with me now, saying he's going to go alone or just him and DD.

I've consistently told him that next Easter was NOT an option for a holiday, due to the GCSEs, so I'm not sure why he's so angry, when it isn't me who's moving goalposts.

I admit I find going abroad stressful and am very anxious, but this is NOT what this is about...I'm already pissed off that we're going away next month, when she could use that week getting ready for her mocks.

Are they running clinics during a half term? Revision can be done while you are away you will have two fairly long flights and waits at airports with not much else to do. Personally I don’t see the problem with a trip away too much revision can be a bad thing .

Of course it’s a bad idea, particularly a city break in one of the most exciting places in the world. There’s a cruelty to taking someone to a place they can’t fully appreciate. Revision would cast a long shadow.

Exactly this. You could go away early in the summer. If you used your NY budget you could find somewhere lovely and celebrate the end of GCSEs.

your dh is a prick.

Having just seen my DS through GCSES- just the idea of an Easter holiday makes me feel ill.

Just no.

This made me laugh! 😂 PS Glad you are out the other side @LizzieBet14 .

No chance. We don’t do Xmas or Easter holidays in GCSE or A level years. Non negotiable

No way. Plenty of time for holidays in the long summer after the exams.
Take DD's passport to your work and keep it in the safe there if he is going to start throwing his weight around. Of course DD will say she wants to go. She is 15, she doesn't know what is good for her and of course a trip to NY is more appealing than revision classes.

I dont think its ideal, and i wouldnt do it. I'd be particularly irritated if a useful clinic was missed.

But i also think if you plan revision carefully, one week away isn't a disaster.

You can even do a bit on the flights and whilst away. She wouldnt be studying 5 hours a day, every day of Easter.

DS did his GCSEs this summer.He refused any suggestion of holiday from Y11 Christmas. Y11 ramps up very quickly.

Best post ! He's also selfish and really not very nice

You can't do proper revision on those tiny tray tables amongst screaming babies on flights.

We took DD to NY when she was 15, and there was no way we would have found the time for revision, so YANBU OP.

I agree with the vast majority of posters, taking her away at Easter is not OK.

She’ll only do her GCSEs once. She’s got the rest of her life to go to NY.

GCSEs do matter these days, and getting the marks they’re predicted has an influence on how universities regard their predicted A Levels.

I also think it’s unkind to take her somewhere like this when she’ll have half a mind on revision.

DD did her GCSEs this summer, and I know kids whose parents seemingly couldn’t live without their Easter break or dragging their kids here, there and everywhere on weekends - they were very stressed and it was not fun for them.

I had a very good friend , a teacher, who deliberately took her three children out of school for a week before their exams… think skiing before January mocks etc.
We were all a little surprised at first, but her logic was that if they didn’t know it by then they never would, and that it was more important that they were totally relaxed come exam day.
It seems to have worked.

My son did the school ski trip in the Easter before GCSEs. Having a break helped, and he got back on it in the second week of the holidays. If his mock results hadn't been OK it would have been a no-go, though.
I think a family holiday is different- why not make the most of the early Summer finish and go somewhere end of June?

Easter is early next year. The only time to go is between end of term and Easter Monday, then hit the books and revision for rest of break. However it sounds as if he has planned longer. Why can’t they go during summer break or autumn half term if he has school holidays off? Do his wants trump her exam results really?

He is being very selfish. Far better to do something your DD can enjoy fully, without the threat of exams looming.

Think the DH is a teacher? So not flex on dates??

I think it’s probably a bad idea and will render her exhausted

I love travel but unless your dc is a straight 9 student, I wouldn’t do this. Jet lag and a gap in revision just before exams seems mad to me. Dd is 17 and in year 13, I still remember GCSEs. Revision is intense. Why can’t you go end of June or early July before schools break up but after prom?

As per some of the other posters we’ve just come out of GCSEs. We didn’t go away at Feb / Easter / summer half term (the last one seems obvious but some people do!!).

The main reason I would say NO to this is the jet lag. It’s brutal coming back from NYC - so it’s the time you’re there, no meaningful study, no clinics, no tutors and then writing off (or severely reduce the effectiveness of) study 2-4 days post return. All of thr schools in our area, state ans independent, put on special subject classes over Easter.

We did go away in Feb as we alway do but we felt there was enough down time in the holiday (skiing) to get work done and DD did do 2-3 hours of an evening when we got back 3/4 times after a days skiing.

We're away for three weeks over Easter this year before dd does gcse's. Home on April 19th and first exam is May 6th or something so no jetlag by then. The difference is that we're holing up in a villa in a totally different timezone so she can get away, focus and revise. Tried it last year for her mocks and she loved it - noone online to distract her, plenty of quiet and space.
Definitely wouldn't be heading out on a city break!

As someone who had to revise for GCSEs on a family holiday, left alone in a cabin while everyone else went for days out at the other end of the UK from home, my personal view is that revising on holiday is shit and the best place to be in the few weeks leading up to GCSEs is at school or at home. OP states that her DC's school is very high achieving so her DC is likely to be wanting to revise hard and do well. Relief from studies would be more appropriately a day or two out during the holidays close to home. The school will have got the pupils into a momentum that kind of has to keep rolling until the exams are over.

I would not have taken my son on a holiday during Easter with GCSEs starting the next month. You will be taking away her chance of revision. It's very unlikely that she will revise at all during the holiday if she goes, whatever her intentions might be. Well, if she's anything like my son Y13, anyway.
There's just no need to go on holiday at that time. If your DH can only go in school hols then you'll have to wait until then, although it will be very hot and humid. Or October half term in Y12?

Thanks for all your replies. I didn't respond before, as DH went to bed in a mood and was asleep when I went up there soon after.

I spoke to DD last night after I started this thread. She said "No Way do I want to go at Easter", she said that she wouldn't enjoy it as she'd be too stressed to enjoy it, so would rather go next October or the following Easter.

DH seemed fine today, so I thought it was all forgotten.

He's literally just told DD that I said she can't go to New York, and she told him that no, she didn't want to go when she'd be stressed, and would enjoy it more if we went after her GCSEs.

I also pointed out the jet lag issue. I suggested we go somewhere closer for a short time during Easter.

He said he doesn't want to just do a boring close trip for a few days. He then said that we can 'do what we want' and he'll go on a long haul trip by himself at Easter.

I'm afraid I got a bit upset at this. I pointed out that she is his daughter too, and that he should be a parent and support her too, not just bugger off, leaving me to do the parenting bit alone, as GCSEs are not important to him.

I know I will get posters now saying that I'm selfish and he's entitled to go off alone and what does it matter - I'd kindly point out that I have said for the last couple of years that Easter 26 was always off the table. He knew and agreed to this, so no, I won't be accepting of him buggering off alone. If he does I may refuse to go on our summer holidays, as it's always what he wants to do, never what I do.

DD is now really upset. He's stormed off to bed, and told her that it didn't matter and she is being ridiculous, which has upset her.

We're both in our mid 50s (me just edging towards late from next year), so seems to think we have to cram everything in. I understand that.

I am nervous around travelling, but have never vetoed any trip before now.

I'm most angry that we agreed that Easter wasn't possible, but he's just steamrollered over the prior agreement and is not at all supportive of DD.