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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday during GCSEs, AIBU?

75 replies

blackdogatmyheels · 25/09/2025 20:26

DH has suddenly got the travel bug. He's always been into holidays and went abroad alone when I was pregnant and DD a baby.

I didn't get a passport until DD was 6, which is when I first went abroad.

We went abroad a few times, then stopped due to COVID and deaths in the family, as well as me being ill.

We went to Portugal last Easter (24), then France during the summer hols.

We went abroad in Easter and August this year.

We're going abroad again during the October half-term, which I was unhappy about, as DD has her mocks in December and January.

DH has just looked up flights for New York next Easter, as DD really wants to go.

I'm not happy about this as it's right before her GCSEs and the school has clinics, which she (or may not), want to utilise. She will definitely need to revise.

I understand that she also needs some time off and fun, but going to New York for a week just feels too much. I worry about illness, tiredness and her not revising enough.

We can't go when she finishes as DH only has school holidays off.

He's in a mood with me now, saying he's going to go alone or just him and DD.

I've consistently told him that next Easter was NOT an option for a holiday, due to the GCSEs, so I'm not sure why he's so angry, when it isn't me who's moving goalposts.

I admit I find going abroad stressful and am very anxious, but this is NOT what this is about...I'm already pissed off that we're going away next month, when she could use that week getting ready for her mocks.

OP posts:

Talipesmum · 27/09/2025 00:16

He’s got some serious hang ups about travel and life, hasn’t he. More like desperation to prove himself and define himself by his experiences, than an actual interest in the world. The way he’s reacting is completely disproportionate to the very sensible limits on when holidays can happen. He’s being a huge baby. And massively unfair on your DD.

sleepylittlebunnies · 27/09/2025 00:45

My DD2 is in Y11, she struggles academically, probably dyslexic but it’s not recognised by our council. Her state school is high achieving and put revision sessions on throughout the Easter holidays. We plan to have the actual Easter weekend away, in this country as school won’t be open on the actual bank holidays on Easter weekend. As it’s halfway through the Easter holidays, it will give her a break from revision.

Some subjects have already started after school revision sessions, and after school study skills sessions. DS who is autistic, and not academic found it hard to revise at home but was able to focus at the school sessions, so I wouldn’t want to miss any.

I’m planning on taking DD away for a week after the contingency day, and prom.

whimsicallyprickly · 27/09/2025 04:20

Good grief. So selfish and self absorbed. I'm amazed you don't have the ick, OP

DarkForces · 27/09/2025 04:34

Tell him you'll take her to NY without him once her exams are finished.

sittingonabeach · 27/09/2025 04:46

Does he always make the holiday decisions? Is he in education? If so I am amazed he is so dismissive of DD not wanting to go before GCSEs.

thepariscrimefiles · 27/09/2025 05:02

Your husband is a selfish twat. He doesn't seem at all bothered about his daughter and her GCSEs and the fact that he has upset her.

His daughter has just told him that she doesn't want to go on the holiday next Easter due to her GCSE revision and that she wouldn't be relaxed enough to enjoy it. Why on earth isn't he taking this on board? I'd serious reconsider staying married to him.

Readyforslippers · 27/09/2025 05:21

What is wrong with him? Is he 5 rather than 50? He sounds not only selfish, but not very bright either. No one could possibly describe you as the selfish one in this situation.

SpringingOn · 27/09/2025 05:35

I've changed my mind - his reaction is very selfish!

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/09/2025 06:11

I’m sorry OP but your husband sounds like a selfish dick. I’d get her through GCSEs and then ask yourself what he brings to your lives.

SquishyGloopyBum · 27/09/2025 07:31

You aren’t selfish op. He’s being extremely selfish. Why is he so hell bent on going at Easter. Does he usually get his own way at everything?

and for him to tell your daughter it’s your fault is unforgivable. At least your daughter sees through him.

Peclet · 27/09/2025 07:56

Selfish man baby

klim · 27/09/2025 08:11

By April he will be weeks from DD's post-GCSE early finish. Hang on til the 20th June (ish) and you can all go somewhere fabulous together. Your money will go so much further than it would in the school hols and you will all be together.

His plan does sound irrational. I bet there is something else behind it, eg is he really hating work. Is he usually this selfish or has something changed?

However I really think an Oct holiday is fine before Dec/Jan mocks. If she spends all of Y11 doing extra revision she'll burn out. Ours had coursework deadlines in the Spring term so Feb/Mar was quite stressful.

Maray1967 · 27/09/2025 08:15

That is a very poor decision on his part. My DS is in Y13. We’re going away for four days in Feb half term, short flight away. DS will have his own room and will revise in the evenings as he won’t want to come out for a drink with the rest of us. There is no way we would go at Easter.

cloudtreecarpet · 27/09/2025 08:26

Stupid idea, you have to prioritise revision during the exam years. It's a competitive job market & kids need the best results they can get, why jeopardize that for a holiday?

Go straight after the exams when it's cheaper & quieter & it can double up as a treat for working hard. It's a no-brainer.

BusyMum47 · 27/09/2025 09:09

@blackdogatmyheels

He's a childish, selfish prick...& a shit father! But then the writing was on the wall when he effed off & left you alone whilst pregnant & again with a young baby. How are you still with him?

Valeriekat · 27/09/2025 21:04

A week in New York isn't exactly relaxing and it certainly wont be cheap.

Marmalade71 · 27/09/2025 21:11

He sounds awful as both a husband and a father. Is this terrible selfishness new?

sanityisamyth · 27/09/2025 21:13

He’s an utter twat.

noctilucentcloud · 27/09/2025 21:15

It was a stupid and selfish decision to book the holiday, but to make your daughter feel guilty and bad for saying no is pretty unforgivable. I'm sure you've done this but please reassure her (maybe a few times) that she's done absolutely nothing wrong and is being really mature to realise that she won't enjoy the trip and needs to study.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/09/2025 21:21

Horrible, selfish, disgusting man.

Aquestiontoponder · 27/09/2025 21:37

I absolutely wouldn't be taking my child on holiday during GCSE year. However, maybe we are different in Wales. My son has an exam/coursework/mock every single month this year.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 27/09/2025 21:40

He can go on his own over Easter.

You and you dd can go after her exams when he is working.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 27/09/2025 21:49

I’d honestly tell him to bugger off on his solo trip at Easter and book you and your DH to go to New York after the exams. I love going on holiday and am always planning ahead, but not in the Easter before exams (and we’re in Scotland, so annoyingly that was three years in a row knocked out). I’d maybe consider a long weekend in Europe at the start of the holidays depending on the gap between that and the first exam, but no more than that.

Lilactimes · 27/09/2025 21:58

What is it with the dickhead men on these threads tonight?

@blackdogatmyheels your husband is being a straight up selfish prick.

no way is it the right thing to holiday long haul in the Easter break before GCSEs. It’s selfish and irresponsible. A long weekend in Europe for a complete break in the middle somewhere calm and relaxing maybe.

Your DH should go on his own.

Maybe you can go with your DD as a post GCSE break - lots of my friends did this with their DDs. I feel for your DD but you should make it clear to her that you respect her choice and how sensible she’s being and this isn’t her fault.

TheSparklyShark · 27/09/2025 22:01

I'm surprised the answers you're getting are so one-sided...I went on a 10 day school trip to the West Coast of America in the Easter holiday before my GCSEs and don't think it had any effect. By 'during GCSEs' I thought you meant in between exams.

That said, if your husband did agree it was off limits, he should stick with that...

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