about DD's Christening and IL's?

[MissingMyHeels]

My IL's spend 2 months of the summer abroad, we had planned to get DD Christened in July/Aug - for various reasons if we don't do it in those months then it will need to be next year (or year after). Plus I really wanted it done when she is a baby.

However, IL's won't fly back for Christening as they don't want to leave cat and apparently have no neighbours who can keep an eye on him. AIBU to think my DD should be more important than a cat??

Yes. They have an established routine, and surely you could find a sunday either side of their trip? Your local church cd prob fit you in on Sunday if you're desperate..

Actually, I think YABU.

They are on holiday, it would be a faff to fly back for what amounts to a 2 hour ceremony. it's not like a marriage.

What are the reasons for only being able to do it in July/August? Are they things that the ILs would understand and see as important?

How far away is it?

I do think it would be nice for them to be there, but if it can't be, it can't be, and IMO it's not worth getting in a stress about.

It's not a case of your daughter being less important than a cat. It's a case of them being away, and needing to deal with the practicalities of that - and those things do have to be dealt with. Do you really expect them to leave the cat to fend for itself? Not many cat owners would do that, even for their grandchildren.

You don't have to have the christening while they are away; maybe they are wondering why a Summer christening is more important to you than one later on which they can come to?

When was your DD born? Very recently or weeks/months ago? If she's newborn then you've got plenty of time after August when she'll still be a baby. If she's a few months old, then I don't understand why you didn't arrange something before July, if you knew they were going to be away for July and August.

I think if you know they always go abroad for those months, then you are bing a bit unreasonable to arrange the christening then........

Unless you tell us your reasons why it can only be July/August then we cannot say who is BU because we are unable to judge whether your reasons are more valid than theirs or vice versa. On the surface I would say YABU but I may be wrong.

YABU. The cat isn't more inportant, but it is a concern. What about the other 10 months of the year?

Come on now, I know how you feel I think but really!

Our parish church (RC) has set dates when baptisms take place so if your church operates a similar policy then YANBU.

hell yes, i wuld be fuming, over a stupid cat(orry cat lovers but how hard can it be to ask some oneto watch a body cat). oh well you v invited the and they are being so rude, so there bd luck thwey should be ashamed of there selves x

but she s had the christening planeed wht grandparents would make plans knowing this plus they must av known as she was blody born have they come visited baby

MissingMyHeels, why can you only get DD christened July/Aug?

It sounds more like you are deliberately setting them up - if they regularly go away Jul/Aug and you organise a Christening then, they can't win, can they? Have you actually booked it?

Think of it from their point of view.

They would be posting a thread that started.

Am I being unreasonable... We spend 2 months abroad every year, all of our family know this but our DIL is insisting that our grand-daughter's christening must be during the period whilst we are abroad.

We can't get anyone to look after our cat and we will have to pay for return airfares just because DIL wants the Christening in July/August.

Are we being unreasonable to think she is being a bit thoughtless over this ?

I think, based on your op, that YABU, you knew they were going to be away.
DS2 is being christened this summer, the first thing I've done is asked for peoples holiday dates so we can arrange it around them.

The Godmother (my very best friend) goes travelling for 18 months in September and the only other date they can do is the day before I go back to work and DD starts nursery which I really don't want to do as it's going to be horrendous enough without us both being tired and also DP's sister is due to give birth early Sept too so she won't be able to make it.

Also, my Grandmother is not in great health so the sooner the better. I could understand if they had a holiday but they live abroad for half the year, summer being the longest stint for obvious weather related reasons! Surely with them being away for whole Summer/various other things they need to expect that they will need to come back sometimes if things come up.

I wouldn't say YABU or YANBU as it's a hard one to call. There's so much involved here.
Have you asked them how they'd feel about missing baptism?

Hayley, her inlaws spend every July and August abroad. They haven't just planned it for this year.
YABU arranging a christening for a time when you know they will be away. You are being very PFB (or PB if its not your first) expecting people to get on planes for dds christening when they will be around for the other 10 months of the year.

Agree with other posters that unless we know your important reasons for only being able to have her Christened July/Aug.

They don't need to come back at all. You are putting your friend above the grandparents aren't you? FWIW, she cd be a godmother by proxy with a stand in. Perhaps your MIL wd oblige...

oh yes she can be by proxy, DS1's GM was as she was in US.

They normally leave cat in England, if I had known this wasn't the case this year then I could have got something sooner. Only just found out.

Have your parents booked their flights yet?

I dunno, if it were me I would expect my parents to change their plans for ME. Only because you are going back to work and that in itself is bl stressful with all that guilt s**t especially as the only other day is the day before you start work.

But if there really is noone else to look after that cat, it will probably die. Do you want that?!

Have you booked it though? Or are you just being stubborn?

The Godmother is like a sister to me, her missing it is not an option.

I didn't realise that this year they wouldn't be able to fly back - it's a £50 return flight and takes an hour so without the cat issue would be fine.