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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about DD's Christening and IL's?

74 replies

MissingMyHeels · 03/06/2008 10:41

My IL's spend 2 months of the summer abroad, we had planned to get DD Christened in July/Aug - for various reasons if we don't do it in those months then it will need to be next year (or year after). Plus I really wanted it done when she is a baby.

However, IL's won't fly back for Christening as they don't want to leave cat and apparently have no neighbours who can keep an eye on him. AIBU to think my DD should be more important than a cat??

OP posts:

cheeset · 03/06/2008 11:09

MissingMyHeels, are you feeling a bit neglected by your parents?

Sometime this makes me a bit stubborn thats all.

hayley2u · 03/06/2008 11:09

no i sgree with missing my heels sorry guys , just all the reasons that she said, my best friend was god mother so its obviosly more impoetant for them to make it as tey are gop parents, if that is their poblem surwely one of the il could come to represent the family, plus she said her nan is ill and she wants her to be there i would not wait, my brother did that and there baby is now 2 and still waiting to b christened as the god mothere 2 b is travelling, juasty do it moiss my heels if they realy want to be thwre they would,

Original poster

MissingMyHeels · 03/06/2008 11:09

It is booked, I will have to cancel it though because I can't make them come back for it.

OP posts:

Original poster

MissingMyHeels · 03/06/2008 11:10

It's not my parents it's DP's!

OP posts:

cheeset · 03/06/2008 11:10

MissingMyHeels, just looked at your pictures-cute baby ahhhh

edam · 03/06/2008 11:11

Thing is, you are timing it to be convenient for the putative godmother, which makes it very inconvenient for the grandparents... up to you who you think is more important. But a godmother who can only 'do' two dates before she goes off travelling for 18 months doesn't sound very helpful - why can't SHE rearrange things a bit?

hayley2u · 03/06/2008 11:12

no dont cancel it. cant believe that and who takes ther cat on holiday?

Ulysees · 03/06/2008 11:12

MMH what does daddy to baby think?

morethanmum · 03/06/2008 11:13

I know she's like a sister to you, but they are like ummm, parents to your dh . BTW, a Christening is about introducing your dc to your God, not who can/can't be there. Or is it just a party, and so more important?

cheeset · 03/06/2008 11:13

Well I wouldn't like to live with an atmosphere re the inlaws, I would explain this senario to them and let them decide.

If all else fails..

I'm thinking of a small christening the day before you start work, that way you can accommodate everyone. Make sure it finishes early?

hayley2u · 03/06/2008 11:13

id just ask would you mind if we just kept to that date, my dp s parnts flw from irland n cost them 2oo pound, but his brother sid not so leave it up to them you just worry about the day n you dd

MummyDoIt · 03/06/2008 11:14

You say they normally leave the cat in England. Could they not leave it in England until the christening, then take it with them when they fly back afterwards? Or, if the christening is towards the end of their stay, bring it back and leave it in England when they return to finish their holiday. Are there any pet-sitting services where they are staying? Or, if the flight is only an hour, could they not do the journey in a day or overnight? A cat can easily be left alone overnight if enough food and water is left for it.

cheeset · 03/06/2008 11:15

Grandparent annoy me, luv em but they are so bloomin selfish nowadays . Is it just me who thinks this?

wannaBe · 03/06/2008 11:15

yabu. But I'm presuming this is your pfb?

If the ILs can't make it then do it without them. It's a christening, it's really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. Your baby won't know who is there, and in years to come won't care who was there. If the grandparents aren't able to be there then maybe it's because christenings don't mean as much to them as they do to you, sorry.

And the godmother doesn't sound very good if you're having to do everything to suit her.

cheeset · 03/06/2008 11:18

I'd organise more in the favour of the godmother, she's like a sister to her. Plus she's not going to be around for 18months as travelling. OP wants dd to be christened as a baby not a toddler, can you imagine a toddler at the font, GET OFF ME !!!!

wannaBe · 03/06/2008 11:18

cheeset tbh I think it's parents who are generally unreasonable. Because we have this expectation that the rest of the family should be there at every event, should dote on our children as much as we do, when in atual fact the grandparents have done there bit and want to be there on their terms.

morethanmum · 03/06/2008 11:18

Agree with wannabe. We always had christenings in a church to suit my religious family, inlaws never came as too far/ couldn't be bothered, but at the end of the day it's not a get together, its a Christening. So long as your dd and the priest are present, that's it. Now am off, as sadly RL friend has turned up.

Original poster

MissingMyHeels · 03/06/2008 11:18

So you think it's ok to do it without them?

OP posts:

hattyyellow · 03/06/2008 11:21

I don't think you're being unreasonable actually.

If it's June now, godmother goes in September and IL's are away July and August and it's only a quick £50 hour flight back - it's not asking that much for them to come home. You're caught between the schedules of two groups of people who matter to you.

It's really not that hard to find someone to look after a cat. And if they could be there and back in a day the cat's hardly going to die if they leave out extra food. If it all revolves around the cat, I think they're being a bit difficult.

Christenings are a big deal to some people and its obviously important to you to have the people who are closest to you there.

hayley2u · 03/06/2008 11:21

yer well i had came kind of thing but with my brother i booked christening for easter sun both my children were done then, but after invites went out it was on my nices birthday, i asked my brother he said it sfine dont worry so so after invites went out they suddenly had change of hearyt. i did feel bad but was not done intentionaly, his dp refused to speak to me or go to christening i felt awful but said i would cancel but they siad they d it next day her paty,
its silly everyone gets wrong end of stik

wannaBe · 03/06/2008 11:22

well ultimately it's their call isn't it. If you've booked it and they're unable to attend, then you just go ahead anyway. Ultimately they make the decision, and if they can't make it back in time then essentially they're giving you the go-ahead to do it without them. .

cheeset · 03/06/2008 11:24

wannaBe, I know exactly what you mean but this grandparent generation had their grandparent in their lives more than our kids do from what I'm told.

I believe they should kick back and do what ever they please I really do because bringing up kids is hard work but they seem to be bordering on non existant IMO.

I don't expect anyone to dote on my kids not even grandparents but a little input would be nice for the kids sake.

muppetgirl · 03/06/2008 11:24

Just thought I'd add...
My bf was ds 1?s Godmother and I asked her to be ds 2's godmother. She is like a sister to me and also is facing the possibility that she can't have children herself so mine are very important to her. She found out a scheduled operation was to be the week before ds2's christening. No way did I think about cancelling it. She would have still been his Godmother even if she would have missed it. It's one day and godmother's should last a lifetime. My b/f felt awful about the prospect of missing it but she is fab and understands things happen. As it turned out she hobbled around the church for the ceremony but went straight home after.
.

cheeset · 03/06/2008 11:26

Got to go now as life to lead

Good luck MMH.

Original poster

MissingMyHeels · 03/06/2008 11:31

I have just offered them another date that involves them going away a week later - but they could potentially stay a week longer the other end.

See if they are willing to do that, if not, they'll have to miss it. Godmother is going with a group of people to build orphanage (or somthing like that) in Uganda, not very selfish at all and can't change dates.

OP posts:

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