Husband using me for my wages only

[ThatNaiceBrickGuide]

Am I the one being used here ?
married 20 years, husband had an internet affair 10 years ago and gave me an STD. Our intimacy dwindled 15 years ago as he didn’t seem to want me after our son was born. After the STD I tried to forgive him to keep our family together but I get no sex, affection or even hugs from him now. About 7 years ago I seperated our finances as I didn’t feel secure in the relationship. I agreed to bring them together last year if he could show me I was more than just a pay cheque to him. He hasn’t done anything so I haven’t paid all my money into our joint account. I pay in about 4-8k a month depending on what other things I have to pay - like I pay for my own car, credit cards, food , presents , child’s spending money of $600 a month etc.
My husband refuses to give me any affection or love so I just don’t feel secure enough to put in my wages every month.
He days unless I pay my wages in then I don’t deserve affection.
He used the one time I called him a nasty name as the reason he won’t give me affection yet I do everything for him.
I remind him that I put up with an STD and years of infidelity to save our family but now he’s saying he will leave unless I start paying all my wages into the joint account and I’m being financially manipulative and breaking the law as it’s abuse

Why would you want a man like this in your life? He is a grotesque human being.

I am sorry but I don’t follow - your husband had an affair, put your health at risk, has made no effort in the relationship since, you believed him (and thought it was acceptable for him to suggest ) that bringing finances together would bring more affection. You have an excellent income - leave him.
(as an aside, why does your child need £600/month spending money?).

You will be so much happier without him

Leave, claim child maintenance, be happy. In time you will meet someone who loves you and doesn’t see you as a cash cow.

Why are you still with him? Get your shit together and divorce him. You’ll be better off and happier without him. Also dont think your child hasn’t noticed the atmosphere between you two. Kids pick up on these things. Staying in an unhappy marriage when you don’t have to is madness.

Just divorce him FGS.

Let him leave then! What the fuck.

Why are you trying to save something that's already dead? And what redeeming qualities does the cheating sponger have?

On a side note; you give your child 600 per month in spending money? Seems like you are doing everything for your family to regard you as an atm.

Op are you in the USA? Can you take legal advice (without him knowing) on where you will be financially if you divorce him. Then you will know your options.

Why are you still with him?

Why are you doing everything for him?
Why are you still with him?

For goodness sake divorce of the freeloading creep. You are setting a terrible example to your child.

He doesn't care for you in any way, and knows that as long as you are married, he is entitled to half of everything.

The longer you stay married, the more he gets, while having affairs, and treating you badly.

And he didn't have an 'internet affair' if he caught an std, he was screwing around, and almost certainly still is.

An internet affair implies that the affair was online only. That can't have been the case if he gave you an STD. It was a full-blown affair and he has put your health at risk.

He sounds awful in every single way. You sound as though you earn good money so I assume that you could manage without him financially. Get ride of him now. He is a disgusting husband, father and human being.

Im going to say this exactly as I would if we were IRL friends out for a coffee and you said that^

Do you think he would put all of his wages in if the roles were reversed? If he earnt what you do and you didn’t have any financial benefit to him. Would he be putting his full wages into an account for you just have access to? Or would he have left a long time ago, maybe never come back after the affair or left you for someone else he found online?

Do you think that he’s happy or respects you in a marriage where he’s already been unfaithful and refuses to give you any love because you don’t give him enough money?

He's vile. Let him leave, you'll be so much better off.

Leave him. Honestly there’s nothing to think about here. He’s cheated on you, given you an STD, isn’t affectionate in any way but you’re the one who has to negotiate affection? Absolutely not. You said you’ve been married for 20 years but it sounds like it’s not been working for a long time. Take the leap and leave him. You have means. Get some legal advice so you can make some smart decisions about the practical stuff. Good luck

So tell him to leave! What are you staying with him for?

What have I just read? What on Earth are you doing with this loser?

This.
Divorce this piece of shit.
Yes, he’s using you and sounds absolutely repulsive in every way.

Why are you still with him?

Your child gets way too much spending money.

As for your lowlife cheating husband the best thing you can do is divorce him and
move on with your life. The two of you might not have an active sex life but chances are his is very active with someone else. On the positive side he doesn’t sound like he is in a position to be paying for it.

Your relationship expired a long time ago.

What do you want people to say?

Frankly you are a bit of a mug for putting up with this aren’t you?

So he’s giving you an ultimatum @ThatNaiceBrickGuide ?

give me your money or I’ll leave?

LET HIM GO!

the scumbag is good for nothing, he gave you an STD ffs. How in gods name did he manage to gaslight and minimise this to the point where you didn’t drop kick him to the very furthest side of fuck?

In the medium and long term, it'll be cheaper to have an expensive divorce just to be free of him.

Oh my word. Leave him!!!!