Husband using me for my wages only

[ThatNaiceBrickGuide]

Am I the one being used here ?
married 20 years, husband had an internet affair 10 years ago and gave me an STD. Our intimacy dwindled 15 years ago as he didn’t seem to want me after our son was born. After the STD I tried to forgive him to keep our family together but I get no sex, affection or even hugs from him now. About 7 years ago I seperated our finances as I didn’t feel secure in the relationship. I agreed to bring them together last year if he could show me I was more than just a pay cheque to him. He hasn’t done anything so I haven’t paid all my money into our joint account. I pay in about 4-8k a month depending on what other things I have to pay - like I pay for my own car, credit cards, food , presents , child’s spending money of $600 a month etc.
My husband refuses to give me any affection or love so I just don’t feel secure enough to put in my wages every month.
He days unless I pay my wages in then I don’t deserve affection.
He used the one time I called him a nasty name as the reason he won’t give me affection yet I do everything for him.
I remind him that I put up with an STD and years of infidelity to save our family but now he’s saying he will leave unless I start paying all my wages into the joint account and I’m being financially manipulative and breaking the law as it’s abuse

What happiness does this man bring to your life?
Sounds like a dishonest greedy vile guy. I can’t see the desire to stay with him.

People can only walk over us if we lie down.

Why would you even WANT this man in your life? What you have is not a marriage. He’s a roommate and a sad example of a marriage for your DC. He’s threatening to leave you? That’s laughable. Help him pack!

He says unless I pay my wages in then I don’t deserve affection.

I stopped reading after this, yes he's using you for money, this statement is absolutely vile.

I guess it's possible for them to turn into cocklodgers AFTER the marriage.

Sweet Jesus 😳. I trust you'll be rushing to serve him papers first?
He won't leave you. Why would he?
But you can choose yourself, as I bey this shitshow has taken a toll on you ☹️.

It’s not being abusive. He sounds like a right bellend.

You sound like you need to cut the cord here and get rid of this deadweight. Do you honestly think paying all your salary into the joint account is going to make a man who hasn’t given you any affection for 15 years love you?

Your marriage is dead. Cut the cord and let him go. You are lucky that courts now only cover ex spouses for reasonable needs, and not ‘ lifestyle they’ve become accustomed to’

He will however get half of everything so I suggest you buy everything you need now

YABU to still be with this prick.

Let him leave. What’s the worst that could happen?

Run far and fast and never look back!

I think it is unreasonable to decide how much you'll financially contribute based on how many cuddles your husband gives you.

Sorry, you already contribute between 4-8k a month and that's not you whole wages? How much does he contribute monthly?

Thats more than a lot of people earn combined in a month, so unless you're living an extravagant lifestyle, why would you need even more than that in the account each month?

I'm with others in wondering why your teenage son is receiving 600 per month spending money? You must be extremely well off (or is this all just a wealth boast?) It doesn't appear as though you have any form of meaningful relationship, and haven't for some while, so do yourself a favour and divorce this loser and rebuild your life while you're still young enough to do so.

You are financially independent! Get the hell out ! You are being controlled and abused

Leave the marriage. You aren’t helping your children by ‘keeping the family together’ you’re giving them a dreadful example of living with a nasty person and putting up with it.

A very easy and emphatic LTB. ASAP. Ffs.

He sounds like a joy. Get rid of him quick. Why have you put up with him for so long?

maybe stop being a doormat and get a backbone

YABU to lower yourself to this scummy troll-man.
You earn well, you must be reasonably bright yet here you are…WTAF. GET RID OF HIM.

now he’s saying he will leave unless I start paying all my wages into the joint account

Bye then!! 👋🏻

YABU to still be there.

Do you really think all you deserve in life is 20 years of abuse, misery and exposure to STDs?

Please leave that vermin of a creature.

What if their monthly outgoings are 25k?

Throw this one back OP. Dont wait for him to leave, you leave him.

And keeping your family together to the detriment of your health and emotional wellbeing is not better for you or the kids. Are you going to spend the rest of your life in a relationship like this? Life can be better, it can be independent, affectionate, free, peaceful, kind. It won’t be while you are anchored to him.

Sorry to miss the point but 4-8k a month? Where have I gone wrong in life? Anyway, this is a non-starter. He obviously has to go, with his disease ridden penis.

Tell him to piss off! He’s not a husband, he’s a lump of baggage leeching off you.

@ThatNaiceBrickGuide my first reaction is why would you do that . Why would you consider it ?
Tell the using cheating horrible bully . Not a chance !
Time to separate , never mind just your finances .
You are doing your kids no favours staying with this piece of crap