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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dentist said he'd report me

360 replies

Shmee1988 · 24/09/2025 19:14

So, my son is 13, he has adhd and suspected autism (awaiting assessment). Unfortunately his adult teeth have not grown straight at all. Some are almost twisted in his mouth and some have erupted on top of others. He was referred to an orthodontist 3 years ago. The wait list for NHS treatment is loooong and he finally had his first appointment yesterday. He is not thrilled at the prospect of braces but after alot of discussion he has realised its important and ideal to get it all done whilst hes still at school when some of his peers will also have them. The orthodontist did all of the Xrays and said he needs braces and qualifies for this on the NHS. He then turned to my son and said 'would you like braces?' to which my DS replied 'no'. The orthodontist then said he woukd need to see us again in 2 years time as my DS doesn't want braces so he wont fit them. I asked to have a private word with him and explained that part of DS sen is that he is very literal and that when he asked him if he would LIKE braces, he answered the question literally as if he was being asked if he would like to have to have braces and that he was not refusing treatment. He didn't care and told me that I need to start the referral process all over again and that it would be almost 5 years before he can get them fitted on the NHS due to the wait time. I asked him if I could have another word with DS so that son could explain he wasnt saying he wouldn't have them and he said no. He then went on to say that if I bought my son back and he still said he wouldn't like braces, he will report me. I thanked him for his time and left but I was so upset. Ds was upset and now that upset had turned to anger. Is he suggesting that advocating for a child to receive necessary treatment is akin to abuse if the child is anxious about it? Aren't all kids anxious about braces? I want to take this further and complain. Especially as my son will be almost an adult by the time his next appointment comes around. Opinions please? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 24/09/2025 19:16

You have to take it further. That dentist is an absolute twat.

Sorry no useful advice but definitely dont let it lie xx

LeticiaMorales · 24/09/2025 19:16

You must have been sitting in the surgery with your son, couldn't you have talked to him when he said he didn't want the braces?

Shmee1988 · 24/09/2025 19:17

LeticiaMorales · 24/09/2025 19:16

You must have been sitting in the surgery with your son, couldn't you have talked to him when he said he didn't want the braces?

Yes, I tried and he interrupted me and told me that I couldn't force him. I wasnt trying to force him, I was reminding him of the conversations wed have and why it is important.

OP posts:
Teachingagain · 24/09/2025 19:19

Contact PALS.

Couldyounot · 24/09/2025 19:19

Report you for what?

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/09/2025 19:20

I'm confused - why would you buy your son back?

I know, I know. I'll get my coat...

Shmee1988 · 24/09/2025 19:20

Couldyounot · 24/09/2025 19:19

Report you for what?

I dont know. I have emailed the surgery to ask on what grounds I woukd be reported and to whom. No response as of yet. I assumed he meant social services but I could be wrong. He made me feel like I was abusing my DS by advocating for him

OP posts:
Bundleflower · 24/09/2025 19:20

Couldyounot · 24/09/2025 19:19

Report you for what?

And to who?

I’d email the practice manager and complain to PALS.

Shmee1988 · 24/09/2025 19:21

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/09/2025 19:20

I'm confused - why would you buy your son back?

I know, I know. I'll get my coat...

Sorry lol I meant brought.

OP posts:
coldandflu · 24/09/2025 19:21

Make a complaint

Littleblueridinghood · 24/09/2025 19:21

The dentist is following the correct consent protocol.

https://www.uhs.nhs.uk/health-professionals/clinical-law-updates/children-refusing-treatment

LeticiaMorales · 24/09/2025 19:21

Shmee1988 · 24/09/2025 19:17

Yes, I tried and he interrupted me and told me that I couldn't force him. I wasnt trying to force him, I was reminding him of the conversations wed have and why it is important.

I see, so the dentist didn't really allow you to advocate for your son? Did the dentist know that your son has Additional Needs?

lnks · 24/09/2025 19:23

Report you to who?

TheBafflingIsGenerallyComplete · 24/09/2025 19:25

This kind of shit happens all the time to people with any kind of communication difficulty. It’s outrageous the dentist isn’t better informed. You should complain.

Shmee1988 · 24/09/2025 19:25

Littleblueridinghood · 24/09/2025 19:21

But hes not though surely, as my son does not have Gillick competency based on his additional needs. He is unable to retain the information and successfully weigh up the pros and cons and make an informed decision about what's best for him. He also was not refusing treatment he was expressing his dislike at the idea of having braces. He was fully prepared to have them.

OP posts:
RosaMundi27 · 24/09/2025 19:26

The dentist sounds absolutely awful - and clearly has no awareness of autism/demand avoidance etc. I would report him in the first place to the practice manager. Then try to insist that they get an urgent treatment/consult rearranged for your son. It is borderline professional malpractice not to treat his dental problems and to ignore his communication issues. Best of luck to you and your boy.

EdwinsActsOfKindness · 24/09/2025 19:26

Littleblueridinghood · 24/09/2025 19:21

Or at least the dentist thinks he is, except he asked the wrong question and should instead have asked something along the lines of “Do you consent to having braces to improve your teeth?” after the OP had explained the situation instead of shutting the conversation down.

AutumnCosy2025 · 24/09/2025 19:26

Report him. .I'm not sure who the governing body would be exactly but Id be finding out! Idiot.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 24/09/2025 19:27

You should be reporting him! Utterly terrible patient communication skills. He has a safeguarding responsibility, especially where vulnerable patients are concerned, but he also has a responsibility to ensure that he is delivering information in a way that can be clearly understood by his patients to allow for informed consent (where they have capacity to do so). If the appointment went as you say it did and he didn't adjust his communication style to meet your son's needs, so your son could make an informed decision, the dentist is 100% in the wrong and requires training in the area.

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/09/2025 19:27

Shmee1988 · 24/09/2025 19:21

Sorry lol I meant brought.

Ah. Anyway, I'm so sorry you had this experience. I'm sure you'd have a strong case to report him.

I hope someone comes along with exactly the advice you need.

Shmee1988 · 24/09/2025 19:28

LeticiaMorales · 24/09/2025 19:21

I see, so the dentist didn't really allow you to advocate for your son? Did the dentist know that your son has Additional Needs?

I did put it on all of the forms but im not convinced he read them. He definitely knew once I told him in person. He said it didn't make any difference.

OP posts:
JJZ · 24/09/2025 19:28

AutumnCosy2025 · 24/09/2025 19:26

Report him. .I'm not sure who the governing body would be exactly but Id be finding out! Idiot.

There is a dental governing body; I can’t remember the exact name but googling should fix that.

MeganM3 · 24/09/2025 19:28

I would ask for an email clarifying what just happened and why your son is being refused necessary treatment and information on how to appeal this snap decision. And hopefully they’ll reconsider. I’d make a complain either if they refuse treatment or at the end of the treatment process if you don’t receive any sort of apology.

JJZ · 24/09/2025 19:28

She will probably have to complain to the practice first before taking it further.

VikaOlson · 24/09/2025 19:29

Your son is being discriminated against because of his adhd and autism, the dentist is refusing treatment because your son's needs meant he didn't understand what he was being asked.

I would absolutely complain, was this a hospital orthodontist? I'd contact PALS.

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