Dentist said he'd report me

[Shmee1988]

So, my son is 13, he has adhd and suspected autism (awaiting assessment). Unfortunately his adult teeth have not grown straight at all. Some are almost twisted in his mouth and some have erupted on top of others. He was referred to an orthodontist 3 years ago. The wait list for NHS treatment is loooong and he finally had his first appointment yesterday. He is not thrilled at the prospect of braces but after alot of discussion he has realised its important and ideal to get it all done whilst hes still at school when some of his peers will also have them. The orthodontist did all of the Xrays and said he needs braces and qualifies for this on the NHS. He then turned to my son and said 'would you like braces?' to which my DS replied 'no'. The orthodontist then said he woukd need to see us again in 2 years time as my DS doesn't want braces so he wont fit them. I asked to have a private word with him and explained that part of DS sen is that he is very literal and that when he asked him if he would LIKE braces, he answered the question literally as if he was being asked if he would like to have to have braces and that he was not refusing treatment. He didn't care and told me that I need to start the referral process all over again and that it would be almost 5 years before he can get them fitted on the NHS due to the wait time. I asked him if I could have another word with DS so that son could explain he wasnt saying he wouldn't have them and he said no. He then went on to say that if I bought my son back and he still said he wouldn't like braces, he will report me. I thanked him for his time and left but I was so upset. Ds was upset and now that upset had turned to anger. Is he suggesting that advocating for a child to receive necessary treatment is akin to abuse if the child is anxious about it? Aren't all kids anxious about braces? I want to take this further and complain. Especially as my son will be almost an adult by the time his next appointment comes around. Opinions please? Thanks in advance.

Very similar happened to me as a teen. Several years on the waiting list and then when I saw the orthodontist with my Mum he asked me what I was there for - I explained my very crooked teeth and innocently said “I’d prefer not to have fixed braces if possible, I’d prefer the ones you can take on and off”. And the dentist just lost it, saying that he was throwing us out due to my rudeness and unwillingness to listen to his advice.

We tried to politely plead with him, saying that I was open to options, I just was saying that innocently as a teenage kid! But he wasn’t haven’t any of it, refused to treat me. It was shocking - I was honestly a very polite, shy, well behaved kid, wouldn’t say boo to a goose, never got in trouble at school. I can hand on heart say that I wasn’t rude in any way whatsoever.

I can only guess that he was having a really bad day and took it out on us. Anyway my Mum never took it further and so I never got braces as a kid. It cost me thousands to get them fixed as an adult. So as someone who went through the same, please @Shmee1988 advocate for your child, complain, ask to be seen by another dentist.

I was never in any doubt as to how I was going to progress the matter. I was always going to complain and fight to ensure my son receives the treatment he is entitled to. My post was simply to ask others opinions on if IABU to do so, and thankfully, after 14 pages as you say, it seems im not.

You haven't done anything wrong, but I wouldn't expect results.
I think the dentist in question, although brusque, followed the code of practise- a child over 10 years old is considered able to give informed consent, relying on your beliefs about your son's neurodiversity will not be considered if he has no diagnosis.
Autism is usually diagnosed aged between 3-8, so you are unlikely to be able to use this as an explanation or leverage.

Yet again you are showing ignorance with this comment. Many kids aren’t diagnosed until way later, sometimes not until they are adults. The waiting list for an ASD diagnosis is currently almost as long as the orthodontic waiting list. If you’re going to make bold statements like this, I strongly suggest you do some research. This is simply unhelpful and incorrect.

I understand your point about no official diagnoses but definitely not true about kids being diagnosed between 3-8. He goes to a specialist provision school and they are going to write a letter about how literal he is and explaining his complex communication difficulties, so hopefully that'll go a little way to explain what I was saying

Am I right in thinking that if the dentist had rephrased the question, (e.g."Do you agree to having braces so we can straighten your teeth?") DS would likely have responded differently? I think you should see if there is some way of pursuing this so you don't have to end at the bottom of the pile.

I am not ND but I wish my mum and dentist had done more to persuade me to have braces when I was a teen - rather than being in my mid 40s and forking out £££ for Invisalign because I am self conscious about my crooked teeth. Even back in the 90s, if a child was adamant they didn't want treatment it wouldn't go ahead - but there is a huge difference between saying you don't wouldn't like something and being dead against it.

Good luck, we all struggle with huge waiting lists- and that often means decisions are made a little hastily.

Gillick competence isn’t an “age thing”
each child has to be assessed as an individual, they have to be deemed to have enough intelligence, competence and understanding to fully appreciate what’s involved in the treatment.
My DS has been 45 since he was about 11 😂, my autistic niece on the other be hand even at 17 couldn’t be left to make decisions for herself.
Edited to add I’ve quoted the wrong person!!
meant to quote @Laurmolonlabe

Yes but this is all irrelevant because the OP has no diagnosis for her DS- you are not going to get leeway for neurodiversity which is currently just the OP's opinion.
I would also politely point out Lunaticmess I have 2 close relatives diagnosed with autism, both diagnosed in childhood- it simply isn't true it takes until adulthood to get a diagnosis.

I take your point, but that isn’t the case with all diagnoses. I said MANY children don’t get diagnosed until much later, not ALL. I’m glad your relatives were lucky enough to receive a timely diagnosis and hopefully get the assistance they need. I have been battling the system for over 10 years to get my high-functioning DS the help he needs. He was utterly failed at school, and would have had exactly the same problems as the OP if he’d needed braces based on your logic. Now, we are so late to the party that he can’t get assistance as a child (he’ll be 18 by the time the waiting list allows this) and he can’t get help as an adult until he’s 18, at which point the whole saga starts again. He also has a diagnosis so there are clearly huge gaps in the system.