To be surprised and disappointed by this man's assumption?

[BeHappySloth]

Answered the door at lunchtime on a wfh day, it was a guy from ipsos wanting to do a survey. He had a proper ID etc.

I was happy to do the survey, and we went through the questions. One of them was about whether I was the primary income earner in the household. He read the question and then added, before I had an opportunity to respond, "presumably that's your husband". (I had already told him that I was married.)

AIBU to be surprised and disappointed that someone would still openly voice such an assumption in this day and age? Even if he thought it, I would have expected him to know better than to say it?

FWIW, the assumption was incorrect but that shouldn't really matter.

He's a dick

Eh he was doing a shit job of surveying, he's not supposed to make presumptions, and you could complain to IPSOS.

But I don't think it's an uncommon assumption that if you're home in the middle of the day in casual clothes, you're not working, especially if you're in an area with a lot of SAHMs. It shouldn't be - with the prevalance of remote jobs, different shift patterns, etc, but it tends to be.

I had already told him that I was wfh when I agreed to do the survey as I wanted to know how long it would take.

Well, yes, he did. You can believe I'm making it up if you want, but what would be the point?

Are you accusing me of being a troll? If so, please follow the talk guidelines and report to MNHQ rather than adding pointless comments to my thread.

How did you react?

On maternity leave (and now tbh) I was / am often asked ‘do you work’ or ‘do you think you’ll go back to work’.

No one ever asked my husband.

Most annoying was people we knew doing, family friends etc.

I am in quite a serious industry which is competitive to get into, have a senior role etc - and yes am the ‘breadwinner’. The assumption id just be leaving… argh!

Pregnant again now so looking forward to this ramping up again over the next 12 months.

My DH finds it v funny and we have mused as to what exactly people’s assumptions are about our set up - that I have a job for a bit of fun and he’s funding everything. Shows absolutely no one listens when they ask about your job…!

I didn't really react, I'm afraid, other than to tell him that it was me. I was quite taken aback at the time and couldn't think what to say. I wish now that I had said something.

I suppose I should be grateful for the fact that you're incapable of believing that this actually happened. I'm happy for you that you haven't ever been exposed to this kind of thing.

I would have terminated the survey, then, and there citing the need to go back to work🙄.

There is a difference between making an assumption, hopefully based on something factual like the existing disparity in wages between women and men, and actually voicing it out loud.

If this chap was doing a survey, he should not be making any assumptions about any of the data he is trying to gather, as that's rather the point of collecting data in the first place. How simple would it be to just have asked "who in the household is the primary income earner?" - no need for his opinions as well.

Tbh, I wish I had done that, or called him out on it in some way. I regretted it afterwards but just couldn't think what to say at the time.

Yes, I agree. It's possible he just thought that was background information as the focus of the survey was something completely unrelated.

I am not really surprised that there are still people making this assumption. I was just really surprised that someone would say it out loud, especially in a work context.

What was the survey for? Usually they give background and context?

and what was the question? “Who is the higher earner” ?

Clearly he needs to get used to living in the 21st century!

Can you feed back to IPSOS? This kind of questioning can bias the survey and I expect they would want to know about it. Be good to flag up as both offensive and a bad surveying technique.

The survey was about radio listening habits, but there were some general background questions before that.

I don't actually recall the exact wording of the question. I think it was "are you the primary earner in the household?" or similar. It definitely was an "are you" question rather than a "who is" question, and it was definitely asking if I was the main breadwinner, but I'm afraid I don't remember the exact wording.

How old was he?

Yes, I don't think it would have actually affected the survey responses because I gave him the correct answer and I assume that he recorded it as such, but perhaps I should feed back somehow, because it was inappropriate.

I actually agreed to keep a one-week diary of my radio listening habits which he will come to collect on a specific date. Ironically, I won't be at home when he comes because I will be at work, but DH will, so I guess I could write a note or ask DH to say something to him then. Would that be OTT?!

The right time to respond would obviously have been there and then, and I'm kicking myself for not having addressed it immediately, but I can't change that now.

I don't particularly want to get the guy into trouble, as he was perfectly pleasant apart from that comment, but it did annoy me and I kind of think that the point should be made.

I'm rubbish at guessing ages, maybe in his 50s?

I had a similar thing happen with a phone survey. It was about 10 years ago but still it felt like a comment from the 1950s. Bloke asked me what my current work status was and I said "unemployed" because I was (for about 6 months) and he said "So, housewife?" and I said "No, I'm unemployed at the moment" and he said "Shall I just put housewife?" and for the third time & with an annoyed tone I said "NO. I am not a housewife. I am unemployed." He was really quite huffy about it. Weird.

Oh…. Don’t suppose he envisaged he’d be on near minimum wage doing door to door surveys in the twilight of his “career”!

He went off script, without thinking, bit daft but I wouldn’t be depressed at a >50 year old man unskilled worker making a silly presumption.

No >50 year old man in law, medicine etc would make the same stupid assumption

Presumably your husband is the primary earner? Seeing as you've got time to stand on the doorstep chatting to random survey people in the middle of the day.

Yes, id like to think id have had the gumption to say - no need for me to carry on as you obviously have all the answers in your head!

😆 well obviously you know nothing about roles and responsibilities.

Many senior roles can and are carried out by people wfh... and the more senior, the more flexibility