To be surprised and disappointed by this man's assumption?

[BeHappySloth]

Answered the door at lunchtime on a wfh day, it was a guy from ipsos wanting to do a survey. He had a proper ID etc.

I was happy to do the survey, and we went through the questions. One of them was about whether I was the primary income earner in the household. He read the question and then added, before I had an opportunity to respond, "presumably that's your husband". (I had already told him that I was married.)

AIBU to be surprised and disappointed that someone would still openly voice such an assumption in this day and age? Even if he thought it, I would have expected him to know better than to say it?

FWIW, the assumption was incorrect but that shouldn't really matter.

And if anyone on this thread is making the assumption he’s “thick” @Redflagsabounded its because of the daft assumption he made, which is what the OP is based on 😕

I WFH in a senior role. I earn more than my DH. Because I am senior, I dictate my own schedule and if I chose to make time for a survey I could. Often, the more senior you are, the less you are bound by a relentless daily schedule that means you don't have time for anything else of your choosing.

I’ve done these surveys and you really shouldn’t be making assumptions although 9/10 it’s the bloke, higher if it’s pensioners.

I got asked this when I was already back at work and my husband was on shared parental leave. It really confused people when I told them.
If anyone asks me anything presuming I will go part time etc I answer with I'm not interested but if we could afford dot my husband would
Just to reinforce the point that it shouldn't be me just because I'm a woman

What an idiot.

Sadly sexist assumptions aren’t confined to any particular age demographic . I work with teenagers & and am frequently taken aback when they express their honest views around job expectations and gender roles …

My MIL used to comment that I was ‘spending her son’s money’ and asked me if I was going to give up work when we had the kids, despite the fact I am just as well educated as her son (we met at university).
soon stopped when she learnt I earn well over twice what he does….. but like you I am surprised in this day and age people make these assumptions! I think I’d have enjoyed putting him right tbh.

I don't earn more than DH but I'd still be highly offended as like him I'm educated to Masters degree level and it is completely down to structural sexism that I am not earning as much as him!

Your not aibu. I would be annoyed.
I've had this too, when my husband and I were looking at rentals. I pay the rent and manage bills, we both work but his take home is less..but they would only respond to him on questions, asked about his work and employer. I then said I can get my payslips too and they looked at me saying that won't be necessary 😂 they still dont seem to have twigged its me paying bills even with all payments from my sole account..and when they ask for xyz he says he needs to ask me...

I'd also have been annoyed at the assumption that I was married to a man (unless you'd already specifically mentioned that you had a husband).

Really? I have teenagers and absolutely not the case with them and their peers / friends

I’m really pleased to hear that your teenagers are part of a peer group where this isn’t a problem.
I come across plenty of young people with the mindset you describe when they’ve been lucky enough to grow up in an egalitarian, respectful environment.
However , honestly,, sadly , yes , across the board in my experience , sexism is holding strong & has got worse in some respects over the last 5 years or so .

So much of our general culture is sexist & it insidiously slips into the way young people see themselves and is expressed when I talk with them about career choices , salary expectations etc .
Random stuff :
The slogans/ design of children’s clothing / comics / programmes ( Paw Patrol ?!! ) etc aim so much gendered tosh at small children .
It all adds up over the years unless they have people in their lives to actively counter it .

Girls still often steer away from Physics A level .At the school in which I work there are 17 boys and one girl taking it this year for example. The leadership team at the school are all male despite the majority of the teaching body being female .
Online misogyny ( Andrew Tate etc ) has a lot to answer for …PSHE classes … Students STILL aren’t taught useful stuff about how to look after and prevent the ordinary but horrible things that can beset female bodies ( cystitis / UTIs’ ).

I am really confused as to why anyone would answer these questions on their doorstep when a stranger knocks.

@DancingMango how old are you? What is your job?

Sexism is “across the board” is strong for teenagers? And they have traditional views on jobs and gender?

I would have just corrected him. It is a mistake to presume but not the crime of the century. You sound very immature.

Pity his family if he is the primary earner of his family. Will be on not much more than NMW!

The majority of people sadly do make sexist assumptions . Most adults learn to keep them to themselves .
My point is by no means just some ‘ older men ‘ who have the monopoly on sexist views and that such attitudes are very much still shaping the career choices and behaviour of girls .

From the extensive survey conducted by the Girl Guiding Association into sexism & misogyny experienced by girls aged 11-21 ( published Sept 2025 ) :

‘ Over half of girls (58%) aged 11-18 said they have experienced boys at their school making comments they would describe as toxic and 1 in 3 girls (32%) have seen a teacher or member of school staff receiving sexist or misogynistic comments or abuse. In an attempt to avoid sexist or misogynist abuse in the classroom, almost 1 in 5 girls aged 11-16 (18%) say they have pretended to be less smart than they are and 54% agree that girls have to be careful about appearing too self-confident in front of boys for fear of abuse or mean comments.
Almost 3 in 4 (72%) 11-16-year-old girls said they want more discussion about consent in schools.’

It was my husband’s birthday recently and his parents came over with money in a card for him. I can’t remember exactly what FIL said, but it was along the lines of ‘quick, hide it before (I) spend it’ or ‘don’t show (me) what you got.’ It’s not the first time he’s made comments like that either. It just shows he doesn’t know his son if he thinks he’d share it with me, but I wouldn’t want it anyway, I have my own money.

Are you a teacher @DancingMango ?

Well that sounds like a happy marrisge

That's is crap. I used to do market and social research and the number one rule is don't assume anything. You ask the question and record their answer. It's not rocket science.

Silly bastard.

You should've said 'what makes you say that?'

I mean if he'd asked both your job titles before he asked that question, and you responded that you were a part time cleaner and your husband was a CEO, then I guess he could've been putting it into context and it wasn't really a terrible assumption?

Otherwise it is just prejudice and sexism.

Potentially you could contact them and give feedback about it. If it's like all the places I know that do this stuff, he will be disciplined for saying such things.

He needs proper training. I’d complain about that and ask them to help behave appropriately.

How long did it actually take compared with what he said?

I did a whole day’s training years ago to be a survey-giver. If the survey usually took 35 minutes we were told to say 20 minutes.

I have adhd. Any distraction is interesting for a short while!

In what way do I sound immature, exactly?