Boyfriends son

79 replies

Daisymay1000 · 23/09/2025 19:14

im new to this site and I don’t really know how to word it all. But I was wondering if I can get some opinions. Iv been with my partner 2 years now and at the moment we are back to doing long distance, he is in London and I’m in Manchester as he moved back there for a while. I don’t know how I feel about the fact he is around his exs home every day where his child is, sometimes he will be there in the morning before they go to school, he will always call In during the afternoon, sometimes puts them to bed. He does stay at his mums every night but just seems to spend the majority of his day with his ex and child like a family even though they aren’t together. I’m not saying he shouldn’t see his child but I just don’t know how comfortable I am with the arrangement he’s basically living family life with them? It’s not a conversation I even know how to have?! Is this normal or am I being unreasonable?? It’s not like you can say to someone they see their own kid too much, that isn’t my issue, it’s the constantly being around her in her house and basically living as though there a family??

OP posts:

Original poster

Daisymay1000 · 30/09/2025 08:28

Whatado · 29/09/2025 20:18

It means is his employment influencing his ability to live close to his child I would imagine.

Since his mother lives close enough for him to be their all hours of the day and night and still sleep there it indicates he has roots in London.

Back to your question, is it normal. Depends on the co parenting relationship. Since he lives so far away, is generally a weekend parent with little involvement in the childs day to day life, I can imagine he wants to make the most of the opportunities he has.

You talk about a normal custody arrangement and her taking him to court. What does it say in his court order about visitation?

What do you want him to do while he is there? Stick to every other weekend? Take the child to his mothers? Do they have any relationship outside of your DP while he is living in Manchester with you?

Personally I dont think EOW parents are particularly good parents. I also dont think parents who opt to live so far away from their kids or move their kids so far away from their other parent are particularly good parents.

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As I say she withdrew them and didn’t get court orders in place.

and yes I would prefer him to take the child himself and do his own thing with him or back to his mums like a normal person, I don’t feel like he has to be around her just to parent his kid.

she moved away first and the visits where sat at every weekend, one weekend off a month so she could see them too and then split holidays. so as much as I get what your saying regarding moving away and weekend parenting that’s how it’s always been with them and that’s a decision they both made when she moved away so that isn’t the issue up for debate. Hence why I’m not even discussing why he’s in London temporarily or his employment status because they are not what I asked advice on. Theyr personal topics between people not here to defend themselves which isn’t any of mine or mumsnets business.

OP posts:

Swiftie1878 · 30/09/2025 08:30

Daisymay1000 · 30/09/2025 08:21

no, your asking questions beyond what I’m willing to answer as I already said. His personal circumstances do not have relevance to what was asked.

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Well, of course they do, but you do you!
Being unwilling to answer a question shouldn’t necessitate a nasty reply though. When asking for help, it serves to be kind rather than snarky.

CarlaLemarchant · 30/09/2025 08:37

I was in a very similar situation years ago. They were very definitely separated when I got together with him, I wasn’t an affair or close to it. He was living at his parents and visiting the home address to see the child. Slowly but surely he started spending longer there. I questioned why, he made me feel silly and unreasonable for asking. You can guess the rest, they got back together.

CeffylCoch · 30/09/2025 08:59

Doesn’t sound like he’s doing anything wrong. You either trust him or you don’t? It’s not your business how often he sees his child/ex

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