Boyfriends son

[Daisymay1000]

Hi

im new to this site and I don’t really know how to word it all. But I was wondering if I can get some opinions. Iv been with my partner 2 years now and at the moment we are back to doing long distance, he is in London and I’m in Manchester as he moved back there for a while. I don’t know how I feel about the fact he is around his exs home every day where his child is, sometimes he will be there in the morning before they go to school, he will always call In during the afternoon, sometimes puts them to bed. He does stay at his mums every night but just seems to spend the majority of his day with his ex and child like a family even though they aren’t together. I’m not saying he shouldn’t see his child but I just don’t know how comfortable I am with the arrangement he’s basically living family life with them? It’s not a conversation I even know how to have?! Is this normal or am I being unreasonable?? It’s not like you can say to someone they see their own kid too much, that isn’t my issue, it’s the constantly being around her in her house and basically living as though there a family??

What about the parents that live close by and see their child at weekends 😂 it has absolutely no bearings on their ability to parent the child and if that’s where the mother chose to move back to whilst his life was still here then it wouldn’t be fair for him to have to move back there. But again it’s a personal issue why he is temporarily back there which I won’t be discussing on here.

Being a parent very often isn’t ‘fair’. It’s called doing the right thing.

your very much deluded sorry if you think a father should have to up root and move whenever she decides to. She chose to move to Birmingham first to be with her new partner. Then she chose to move back to London. There is absolutely no way on earth any man would be classed as doing the “wrong thing” for not following 😂🙈 maybe you should stick to answering what people ask instead of making yourself look silly commenting on situations you don’t know.

Not me that’s got the titty lip on love because my boyfriends playing happy families with his ex and kid! ‘Happy Families’ being the operative words but you crack on! 👍🏻

OP this relationship isn't working for you, and I strongly suspect you won't be seeing him back in Manchester again. You need to accept this is going nowhere, cut your losses.

No but your very clearly a very sad lonely person who wants to put a downer on everyone else and pass judgement on mumsnet but hey, whatever makes you feel better about your own existence 👍🏼 ☺️

this is the thing about this site. Everyone just tells you to end the relationship. I absolutely will not be ending my relationship and didn’t come on here for that. As though it’s that easy to walk away from a relationship your invested in. He most definitely is coming back here in December as I say he’s temporarily back there. It’s just the situation I’m uncomfortable with and was asking opinions if this is normal, not advice on wether to leave my partner 😂

Does he work? I'm wondering how he spends all day with his ex and son. He needs to put down boundaries and say no to this. He can have his son stay with him instead so that he isn't so involved with his ex, if he doesn't want to play happy families. He could pick his son up and take him back to where he's staying.

You're hung up on his ex. People are saying that he’s thinking of his children, not why they live somewhere.

OP, look at the facts as they are. You’re in Manchester, he’s in London living with his mother and prioritising (as he should) his children, and you’re angry and suspicious he’s around his ex so much because he’s seeing the children daily. This isn’t working for you.

I also agree with this. I’m afraid you come second, his child comes first. If his child lived elsewhere, say with a grandparent it would be their home he’d be at all the time, it isn’t though, it’s the ex, but that’s just how it is - suck it up or move on are really your two options here

I agree. Its not practical to keep following a woman who keeps uprooting her child and moving every few months. Most people cannot just upsticks and change jobs to run around the country!

I think there needs to be some questions asked about her commitment to DC if she is willing to drag him around the country.

On MN some people will overwhelming support the woman, no matter the situation. Don't argue with fools, honestly.

I am a mum and would not take my DC away from his dad if we split up.

It’s crazy isn’t it. People just love to tell you to end your relationship or want to argue 😂😂 nobody is saying not to put the child first, but the child can come first without him being in his exs home all day every day and doing things all together as a family which they are no longer. It just feels very uncomfortable when I’m getting FaceTimes and they are all out together or whatever sort of like a weird blended situation I absolutely did not sign up for 🙈 I am going down there at the weekend so il have a chat maybe and see how that goes.

Does he work??

Up until recently yes

What does that mean?

It means exactly what I said but what has that got to do with you? Why would I discuss his employment with a stranger off the internet when my question was in relation to the visiting at his exs?

It means is his employment influencing his ability to live close to his child I would imagine.

Since his mother lives close enough for him to be their all hours of the day and night and still sleep there it indicates he has roots in London.

Back to your question, is it normal. Depends on the co parenting relationship. Since he lives so far away, is generally a weekend parent with little involvement in the childs day to day life, I can imagine he wants to make the most of the opportunities he has.

You talk about a normal custody arrangement and her taking him to court. What does it say in his court order about visitation?

What do you want him to do while he is there? Stick to every other weekend? Take the child to his mothers? Do they have any relationship outside of your DP while he is living in Manchester with you?

Personally I dont think EOW parents are particularly good parents. I also dont think parents who opt to live so far away from their kids or move their kids so far away from their other parent are particularly good parents.

Hey, you were the one asking for advice!
Hard to give advice when the picture is so blurred.
Do what you like; you’re rude and ungrateful.

It’s just really weird and not normal OP. He needs to set boundaries and stop with this BS situation which is disrespectful to you .
But also , you need to relocate
you can’t ask him to move far away from his child.

How is that the correct way? He should not be at his exes house with her every day. So disrespectful to OP

Sounds like he needs to rip the plaster off and man up and stop co depending on his ex and pkaying happy families with his ex. He can arrange visitation with his child or shared custody. Bonkers situation.
poor op

Yep I agree . And if it’s not true then he needs to prove it to you right away

Finally someone talking sense around here .

no, your asking questions beyond what I’m willing to answer as I already said. His personal circumstances do not have relevance to what was asked.

You don’t generally move away if you have small children. Because then you don’t see them.