I had surgery today and needed a general anaesthetic. My partner has gone to work. I have recently moved to the area so don’t have a network of friends here yet who could have picked me up I have had to lie to the staff that there is someone home to look after me when I am discharged.
my partner knows I was worried about the surgery but last night chose to stay up late working on a diy project when I asked him if we could perhaps cuddle in bed.
i have also expressed that I would have
liked him to be at home after the surgery basically because it would feel nice to have someone to look after me and make sure I am okay. He usually works from home but has to go into the office today for voluntary training.
Even though he said he would come to bed after I asked he stayed up for hours and it led to a huge row. When I feel hurt and neglected I tend to get angry - and of course me getting angry has the opposite effect of me getting what I need - which is a cuddle and some tlc.
my partner is otherwise a thoughtful, caring type of person. He has a lot of worry about job security and I can understand why he felt he couldn’t take the day off work. He says he need to do the training because he is worried he is failing at work.
Am I being unreasonable to expect him to have 1) been at home for me today (he could do the training another day) and 2) have thought about my emotional needs the night before surgery and been a little bit more thoughtful.
i have a history of childhood neglect butI am uber aware and make sure I know when I am acting out because of something that happens to me in the past. I tend not to overact to perceived neglect at least. But it does make me question myself as to what a “normal” reaction would be from someone who has come from a stable background.
the same thing happens for my birthday - no card, nothing other than a Happy Birthday. And I felt alone and neglected.
i appreciate that people have different ideas about what’s “normal”. So I have tried explaining very calmly about what I need and what makes me feel loved and that that might be completely different to what he needs or what his ex girlfriends/wife has needed
But I seem to be talking to thin air.
Am I being unreasonable?
I don’t want to spend the rest of.my relationship having to repeatedly have to ask for what I need when I feel it should be common sense - surely it’s common sense that your partner would want to be home after you’ve had an operation?
we have been together two years and live together.