Ex partner galavanting the world while I raise the children alone

[Mumbojumboh]

I need some advice. I have been single parenting two primary age children for the last four years basically alone. There dad has a job that essentially means he gets to live a life of travelling the world enjoying the high life. Think fancy hotels, dinner out everyday, no responsibilities outside of work, never having to do the drudgery of life, cooking, cleaning and everything associated with raising children. He flits back occasionally in a whirlwind of fun and gifts and gets just the good bits of having children.

I work hard, I do all the school pick up drop off, homework, reading, running around to clubs, I feel like I am constantly washing and cooking and cleaning.

I love my children dearly. But my goodness how do I let go of some of the resentment I feel. I have no time for a life of my own and just feel completely flat at the moment. I feel like I have no more I can give and like I’m spinning so many plates constantly.

I honestly understand why so many women choose not to have kids these days. It was never in my plan to be a single parent, but ex decided family life wasn’t for him after all.

Yes I would

OP hit him up for some more money to take stuff off your plate.

How do you know that he 'isn't gallivanting'? And even if he is working very hard, there is no excuse for him not paying more towards his kids.

Can you 'outsource' if you like some of the jobs in the home like getting a cleaner? Some will iron and change beds too. It might help with time. Zero shame in getting help with the house x

@AliceMaforethought

you are quite right - he should be paying more for his kids.

If he is gallivanting and not working hard he won't be in the job long!

@Namechangefordaughterevasion

i do not doubt he works hard, he does but he also has holiday after holiday. Lies to the kids he is working once a contract has ended and basically does as he pleases, that’s the bit I have a problem with. All the time with an assumption I will do everything. Prioritises time with his girlfriend over his children, it’s heartbreaking for them.

I used to feel resentful occasionally that I was doing it all alone without any support whilst on the very rare occasion I spoke to my ex he was at pains to point out how much he treated his gf's DC. Which I believe because it was about access to her.

It's hard when you are constantly doing the heavy lifting. But your DC will see this. It easy to be the fun parent when you are not doing the basics everyday forever.

My DS is an adult and I'm no longer resentful. I know my ex is broken and broke.

Your children were just 8, 5 and 3 weeks !! when you were left to rear them single handed @iamjustlurking 😮😮😮
💐💐💐

The majority of men do not want children. Women shouldn't be surprised if men bail out at some point. If you want children, then expect to raise them on your own.

But your life is so much richer than his. You get to cuddle your children every day. It's you they'll want when they're happy or sad. You will have the close relationship when they grow up.

I spent my 20s travelling the world and partying and nothing compares - nothing - to holding your babies close.

He's also an arsehole.

'' But your life is so much richer than his. You get to cuddle your children every day. It's you they'll want when they're happy or sad. You will have the close relationship when they grow up. ''

But you are forgetting that at least 90 percent of the time with small children is hard graft, full of stress, feeling touched out and trapped, no time for self and no one to give you a break during frequent overwhelm. OPs ex will be protected from all of that BY LAW in his job.

I find it very minimising and patronising to say OPs life is richer than her ex's. Sometimes love isn't enough.

Women don't want to be reduced to being only 'mum'.