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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can we have a wedding no siblings in this case....

73 replies

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 13:29

Wanting opinions AIBU
For transparency, I am an only child so want to ensure I am not being unfair really to DP.

We have been together a long time and looking to get married next year (already have 2 children). We live far away therefore inviting family means a commitment of a big trip.

We want something really small and budget friendly. We have looked at lovely little venues which can hold around 20 people for a meal. Perfect.

With separated parents and new husbands/wives, that's 8 people already.

Now DP has brought up his sibling...... I won't lie, she comes with a lot of drama. she doesn't get on with both step parents and it WILL be an atmosphere unfortunately. But with her , and her children plus her new partner and potentially his two children (I have never met him or his children!) it would take up over a quarter of the guests and mean we cannot have a few of our really close friends.
Friends are almost family to us being expats and we have christmases , birthdays together, watch each others children. I'd be upset to not have some there but also we don't have the budget to go larger (huge jumps in price for larger areas, seems places near us cater for 20 then 40, 60 etc).

DP also has TWO other siblings but they are very very unlikely come for other reasons. Therefore they wouldn't be the only not coming.

Would it be unreasonable to keep it parents only under the circumstances?

It will definitely reduce stress and any drama . Without sibling there we can likely do more with parents all together during the trip as sibling won't spend time with one parent / either of the step parents and means we will have to split ourselves more and deal with lots of juggling/politics.

OP posts:
breakdown98765 · 22/09/2025 13:32

What does your DH want to do?

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 13:33

Does he want his Sister to come ? Id just invite her and maybe the partner no kids, it is your future DHs wedding to, if she hates her parents spouses would she want to come anyway ?

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 13:36

@Coffeeishot she will yes. She wouldn't be able to come with the kids though as no one will be able to watch them with his mum here.

OP posts:
Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 13:37

breakdown98765 · 22/09/2025 13:32

What does your DH want to do?

He said he'd like to invite but he see's my point with the drama it will bring unfortunately.

OP posts:
ttcbubbanumber2 · 22/09/2025 13:43

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 13:37

He said he'd like to invite but he see's my point with the drama it will bring unfortunately.

Honest opinion:

You are of course allowed to invite who you want, it’s your wedding. That’s the general consensus.

But, your DH wants to invite his sister and I think I’d make a compromise to make this work.

You say “just parents” but do you mean parents and your close friends? I think I’d be hurt if my sister didn’t invite me and said just parents but then a bunch of her friends went to the wedding as well.

I think you are within your rights to say to sister in law that she is invited but the children aren’t. It would be good for DH to speak to her in advance that you want no drama with stepparents on the wedding and to put any issues aside for your wedding day.

Ponderingwindow · 22/09/2025 13:44

If he wants to invite his sister, you need to invite all the siblings. Weddings can mean a bit of family drama in the lead up. You rarely notice it on the actual day.

you don’t have to invite people that siblings are just dating. You don’t have to go so far as requiring a ring to qualify, but if it is a new enough relationship that you aren’t fairly sure they will still be dating by the time the wedding arrives I would not include dates.

ApricotCheesecake · 22/09/2025 13:46

I'd invite her OP. Leaving out a sibling is a big deal IMO. You don't need to invite her partner or his kids though.

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 13:47

I think you need to invite her the other siblings if they are friendly with their brother, you don't have to invite partners or children.

MontythePrince · 22/09/2025 13:48

I would invite the sister, her partner and no kids. You can sympathise with how difficult it is for her to find childcare but that's not your problem, she doesn't have to come. Or she could leave the partner with the kids and just come alone. You can frame it as you're terribly sorry but your budget won't allow you to invite everyone you'd like to have there. Personally I'd invite the other two as well, in the hopes they wouldn't be able to make it and you can fill their space with your friends. That way, you've invited everyone and it's not your fault that it doesn't suit them to attend.

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 13:53

I don't think people have read the part of the fact we live a trip away. Travel time alone is 30 hours therefore you need to come for a decent length of time.

We cannot invite her without the children as she will have no childcare (her DP is not the dad and their dads not in the picture).

Our friends that would be invited live here therefore not making a trip.

OP posts:
Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 13:55

Ponderingwindow · 22/09/2025 13:44

If he wants to invite his sister, you need to invite all the siblings. Weddings can mean a bit of family drama in the lead up. You rarely notice it on the actual day.

you don’t have to invite people that siblings are just dating. You don’t have to go so far as requiring a ring to qualify, but if it is a new enough relationship that you aren’t fairly sure they will still be dating by the time the wedding arrives I would not include dates.

I'm not sure how we wouldn't notice an atmosphere when it's only going to be around 20 people including us.

I think a party or big wedding might be easier to stick people at opposite ends haha!

OP posts:
ttcbubbanumber2 · 22/09/2025 13:57

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 13:53

I don't think people have read the part of the fact we live a trip away. Travel time alone is 30 hours therefore you need to come for a decent length of time.

We cannot invite her without the children as she will have no childcare (her DP is not the dad and their dads not in the picture).

Our friends that would be invited live here therefore not making a trip.

Edited

We don’t know how “live far away” is supposed to mean 30 hours and that your sister in law will have no childcare. You didn’t post that in your AIBU.

clinellwipe · 22/09/2025 13:57

Not the same situation obviously but I had a wedding in Covid times , it was something like 15 people total including photographer so my husband and I had 6 guests each basically. So if it’s 20 of you including bride and groom surely just have 9 guests from each ‘side’, whether he wants to pick his sister and her family or whether he picks friends is then up to him without affecting who you would like there

ExtraOnions · 22/09/2025 13:58

“parents only” as long as it’s only parents … not “parents and friends only”

Inviting friends, and not inviting his sister seems a bit much.

Whyherewego · 22/09/2025 13:59

Tell them you are doing a registry office style thing locally and will come and have a wedding party in UK (if that's where they live) later and then they all come kids included. Much easier

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 13:59

ttcbubbanumber2 · 22/09/2025 13:57

We don’t know how “live far away” is supposed to mean 30 hours and that your sister in law will have no childcare. You didn’t post that in your AIBU.

Sorry I didn't want to ramble on too much 😄

OP posts:
noidea69 · 22/09/2025 14:00

Invite the sister and her children (his nephew/nieces) but don't invite the new partner and the new partners kids.

You dont know them & I can guarantee they dont want to come the wedding of strangers.

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 14:00

You didn't say how far away she was in your Op, I don't know why you are so annoyed at replies, if you don't want to invite her don't invite them.

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 14:00

ExtraOnions · 22/09/2025 13:58

“parents only” as long as it’s only parents … not “parents and friends only”

Inviting friends, and not inviting his sister seems a bit much.

This is valid and I had not looked at it from this point. I had split in my mind those who had to travel and those who don't.

Thank You!

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 14:01

Why can't you invite her and the kids no partner and definitely no his kids.

WFHforevermore · 22/09/2025 14:01

Surely its your DH's choice who gets invited from his family?

Ellie1015 · 22/09/2025 14:01

I think it does end dh and siblings relationship if you dont invite siblings to your wedding. So if dh wants to invite you should.

Ideally she wont come. If she does find a way to fit 4 more in without losing some of the friends. Definitely dont invite her new partner's children, that's too much at a small wedding. The only reason to include them is to make it easier for her to come.

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 14:02

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 14:00

You didn't say how far away she was in your Op, I don't know why you are so annoyed at replies, if you don't want to invite her don't invite them.

I am not annoyed just giving more info to things that have come up that I didn't consider originally.

OP posts:
ttcbubbanumber2 · 22/09/2025 14:02

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 13:59

Sorry I didn't want to ramble on too much 😄

Is it worth DH speaking to his siblings to let them know it’s only going to be a small wedding and it might not be worth lugging the kids 30 hours away to go for the day? Can you say about celebrating at another time together.

Heythere55 · 22/09/2025 14:03

Coffeeishot · 22/09/2025 14:01

Why can't you invite her and the kids no partner and definitely no his kids.

This is a good point.... I hadn't really considered you could not invite partner . I just also assume everyone gets +1 type thing.

OP posts: