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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask whether anyone here has ever been investigated by DWP for “living with a partner”?

262 replies

Labradorlover987 · 22/09/2025 13:11

My friend has just been asked to attend a compliance interview at the job centre - she claims universal credit as a single mother to 2 kids, and single person council tax discount she has a boyfriend but they don’t live together full time - he lives with his father - he obviously stays over 3/4 nights a week.

Just wondered what the process was etc

OP posts:
whattheysay · 22/09/2025 19:53

itsallabitofamystery · 22/09/2025 14:24

She will have received a warning or enquiring letter first. My partner is a lorry driver and can be away up to 12 weeks at a time. I was claiming tax credits when we first started seeing each other. He had his own home, but never really stayed there - he would stay here when he was back, I’d do his washing, we would have food together etc. We hadn’t been on holiday together, but had been on a few weekend trips when my mum was willing to have the kids. For context, I would receive £370 per month for help with nursery fees and then I’d receive the single person council tax.

I was (wrongly) under the impression that if they didn’t spend more than X nights per week at your house, you didn’t need to declare it. But, I received a letter in the post stating that they believed I was in a relationship. They gave examples as what could be perceived as a relationship, such as positing on social media together (which we did), going on holidays together (not quite holidays, but still), and if someone were to ask what we were to one another, would they say we were in a relationship. I felt this answer was “yes”. It said on the letter that if any of these instances were a correct example of my life, I needed to ring them and stop receiving tax credits. I did so immediately, told them how long we had been dating, and that was the end of that. So, it’s likely she’s received something similar and either ignored it or said none of it was correct.

It’s a crap system as my partner wasn’t my children’s dad. He didn’t have to contribute to my household. But as a result of us being “perceived to be a couple”, I had to ask my partner to cover my losses as I simply couldn’t afford it. Eventually he put his house up for rent and moved in - still here today and we now share bills but for over 12 month I was lucky that he could cover that shortfall for me.

Whilst I do believe you shouldn’t be claiming if you’re not single, women do have the right to date and begin relationships without that then meaning that all benefits stop. I was lucky that my partner was able to contribute, but in reality he didn’t have to - they weren’t his kids and this wasn’t his house.

This surely can’t be right, that if a person has a boyfriend and posts a few photos on social media and goes away with them but doesn’t contribute to their household bills and rent then they stop getting benefits and the random boyfriend had to pay the bills? How does anyone date in these circumstances?

TheSpiritofDarkandLonelyWater · 22/09/2025 20:02

whattheysay · 22/09/2025 19:53

This surely can’t be right, that if a person has a boyfriend and posts a few photos on social media and goes away with them but doesn’t contribute to their household bills and rent then they stop getting benefits and the random boyfriend had to pay the bills? How does anyone date in these circumstances?

That last paragraph was what concerned me. I am not single but do not live with my boyfriend.
Also the person who said that it should not be up to the taxpayer to fund people who are are still deciding to live together or not.
I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and right now have no plans to live together. But he does stay at mine on occasion. We have gone away together too and also he eats here sometimes. He takes me shopping as I can't manage on my own at times. But we share no finances at all and have our own totally separate households. I am on UC and he works.

it is horrible to think that because someone is on UC then they can't have a relationship without it affecting their benefits.

InMyShowgirlEra · 22/09/2025 20:10

So either:

  1. He's living there most of the time and she is paying more in bills, food, etc. to support him whilst he's there, in which case, she clearly doesn't need as much money as she's getting OR
  2. He's living there most of the time and contributing financially to the household in which case, she clearly doesn't need as much money as she's getting.
Rebeccaann5 · 22/09/2025 20:14

InMyShowgirlEra · 22/09/2025 20:10

So either:

  1. He's living there most of the time and she is paying more in bills, food, etc. to support him whilst he's there, in which case, she clearly doesn't need as much money as she's getting OR
  2. He's living there most of the time and contributing financially to the household in which case, she clearly doesn't need as much money as she's getting.

Or he pays for his own share so she is no better or worse off than She would be without him visiting?

Labradorlover987 · 22/09/2025 20:15

anytipswelcome · 22/09/2025 19:31

If you’re close friends then have you spoken to her about this? Are the kids girls? Bad either way but if they’re girls it’s also worth mentioning some pretty thought provoking stats to her re unrelated males being moved into the home.

Ones a girl (the 12 year old) as a side note - she recently followed me on tiktok and I am a little concerned at the content she posts - she looks so much older than 12 and has a lot of weird followers - I feel awkward bringing this up with my friend but I do find it concerning

OP posts:
itsallabitofamystery · 22/09/2025 20:16

@whattheysayit was enough to scare me into not claiming. The letter asked if our friends/relatives perceived us to be a couple…which they did. There was nothing on the form about how many nights per weeks he stayed, or whether he contributed to the household. It was focused around whether we were in a couple or not. We had been together 7 months. I was not ready for him to move him, I had just started to gently introduce him to my children. I was paying my bills, youngest was going to nursery so I could work. But once they took away the almost £400, it removed my ability to work. So basically I was being punished for having a boyfriend. And I’m lucky he could make up the shortfall.

For posters asking if they need to inform the job centre, I really don’t know. This was back in 2012 and the letter was enough to stop me claiming. Maybe I should have challenged it, but from reading on here I would have had to prove my partner had his own house with bank statements, electoral status - something which I wouldn’t and shouldn’t have to ask from him at the time.

Rebeccaann5 · 22/09/2025 20:20

itsallabitofamystery · 22/09/2025 20:16

@whattheysayit was enough to scare me into not claiming. The letter asked if our friends/relatives perceived us to be a couple…which they did. There was nothing on the form about how many nights per weeks he stayed, or whether he contributed to the household. It was focused around whether we were in a couple or not. We had been together 7 months. I was not ready for him to move him, I had just started to gently introduce him to my children. I was paying my bills, youngest was going to nursery so I could work. But once they took away the almost £400, it removed my ability to work. So basically I was being punished for having a boyfriend. And I’m lucky he could make up the shortfall.

For posters asking if they need to inform the job centre, I really don’t know. This was back in 2012 and the letter was enough to stop me claiming. Maybe I should have challenged it, but from reading on here I would have had to prove my partner had his own house with bank statements, electoral status - something which I wouldn’t and shouldn’t have to ask from him at the time.

I think that's dreadful of the dwp. It's the 21 century we don't expect women to be financially dependant on their partners in other circumstances so that should be no different. It's a recipe for financial abuse. Especially as a large percentage of women affected are going to be disabled and disabled women already have a horrendously high risk of domestic abuse.

whattheysay · 22/09/2025 20:20

itsallabitofamystery · 22/09/2025 20:16

@whattheysayit was enough to scare me into not claiming. The letter asked if our friends/relatives perceived us to be a couple…which they did. There was nothing on the form about how many nights per weeks he stayed, or whether he contributed to the household. It was focused around whether we were in a couple or not. We had been together 7 months. I was not ready for him to move him, I had just started to gently introduce him to my children. I was paying my bills, youngest was going to nursery so I could work. But once they took away the almost £400, it removed my ability to work. So basically I was being punished for having a boyfriend. And I’m lucky he could make up the shortfall.

For posters asking if they need to inform the job centre, I really don’t know. This was back in 2012 and the letter was enough to stop me claiming. Maybe I should have challenged it, but from reading on here I would have had to prove my partner had his own house with bank statements, electoral status - something which I wouldn’t and shouldn’t have to ask from him at the time.

I understand that you were scared and it’s totally wrong for you to have had to feel like that. However surely it would have been less awkward to ask him to provide some evidence of his residence rather than ask him to pay your bills

itsallabitofamystery · 22/09/2025 20:24

@whattheysayI didnt know I could have done that. I read the letter, thought “yep, we’re in a relationship”, called them up and that was that. Then cried down the phone to him about how I was going to have to give up work. I was never advise I could prove he wasn’t living here as that wasn’t the question, it was whether we were perceived to be as a couple. Obviously if this had happened now, I’d be more informed to challenge it. My answer to the OP was however to inform her that her friend perhaps had a letter first to inform her that they were looking into her claim, like I did. This was back in tax credit times, I know things have moved on since then.

TheSpiritofDarkandLonelyWater · 22/09/2025 20:24

Rebeccaann5 · 22/09/2025 20:20

I think that's dreadful of the dwp. It's the 21 century we don't expect women to be financially dependant on their partners in other circumstances so that should be no different. It's a recipe for financial abuse. Especially as a large percentage of women affected are going to be disabled and disabled women already have a horrendously high risk of domestic abuse.

Exactly.
Some people think that PIP should be means tested which means disabled women would have no money at all if their live in partner earns too much. A recipe for disaster.

whattheysay · 22/09/2025 20:27

Labradorlover987 · 22/09/2025 13:11

My friend has just been asked to attend a compliance interview at the job centre - she claims universal credit as a single mother to 2 kids, and single person council tax discount she has a boyfriend but they don’t live together full time - he lives with his father - he obviously stays over 3/4 nights a week.

Just wondered what the process was etc

As long as they can prove he doesn’t pay for any of her bills or mortgage/rent and actually does live with his father then I don’t see what she has to worry about. He stays with her and they are a couple but I thought it was about financial support, people are allowed to date without the other person having to pay for a woman and her children after a few months that’s ridiculous are they saying a man who stays 3 nights a week with his girlfriend has to start paying for everything. Get all the evidence together like bank accounts and bills and shows that she pays for everything then they should be fine.

whattheysay · 22/09/2025 20:30

itsallabitofamystery · 22/09/2025 20:24

@whattheysayI didnt know I could have done that. I read the letter, thought “yep, we’re in a relationship”, called them up and that was that. Then cried down the phone to him about how I was going to have to give up work. I was never advise I could prove he wasn’t living here as that wasn’t the question, it was whether we were perceived to be as a couple. Obviously if this had happened now, I’d be more informed to challenge it. My answer to the OP was however to inform her that her friend perhaps had a letter first to inform her that they were looking into her claim, like I did. This was back in tax credit times, I know things have moved on since then.

That’s awful for you, they purposely didn’t give you the full information about the person financially contributing to scare you into stopping your claim. I’m glad it worked out for you

TheSpiritofDarkandLonelyWater · 22/09/2025 20:37

whattheysay · 22/09/2025 20:30

That’s awful for you, they purposely didn’t give you the full information about the person financially contributing to scare you into stopping your claim. I’m glad it worked out for you

Yes I would be the same if it was me. Accept what they say as they know best.
I am glad to see that you can challenge it with proof of separate households.
If I had just accepted a letter then I would have had to break up my relationship as I would not be ale to afford to live.

DiscoBob · 22/09/2025 23:08

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/09/2025 18:45

If he genuinely doesn't live there and they don't pay for eachothers bills, food, phone etc I hope it's be fine

So do I, @DiscoBob, but once alerted they won't just take the claimant's word for it - they'll want bank statements too, and will be quite used to hearing "Oh they only paid my bill that one time", "They only send that to my address because it's safer" and so on

Yeah, they will go through everything pretty meticulously.

I'm wondering if someone might have reported OP to the DWP? It seems weird they'd suddenly start questioning it. Maybe they saw him coming and going regularly? I guess that makes no difference to the fact it's happening.

PencilsInSpace · 22/09/2025 23:25

Gymbunny2025 · 22/09/2025 17:27

This isn’t true though. A relationship can develop slowly (more slowly) without spending most nights together. And that is also better for any kids involved. That is the opposite of saying you must invite a new partner to move in immediately.

where resources are finite taxpayers money is far better off funding schools and the NHS than single parents who are ‘testing’ relationships

That's all well and good but even if a couple have spent a decade slowly developing their relationship through dating, if they want to take the next step and start spending a few nights together more regularly, maybe share some (but not all) finances, with a view to maybe living together in the future if it works out, then they still face the same risks if one of them is on benefits.

So you're just kicking the can down the road.

Holidaytimeyay · 22/09/2025 23:29

1clavdivs · 22/09/2025 18:05

These are good points. And it seems that the state is very ready to recognise you formally as a couple when it suits them to do so on the grounds that you do your laundry together or share food shopping, but if one of you dies and there might be inheritance tax up for grabs, you're only recognised as a couple if you're actually married.

Yes, this is very true, the state does it to suit themselves. It used to be you couldn’t even claim bereavement benefit unless you were married yet when claiming benefits you were treated as a couple. This has only changed recently as it was challenged in court.
My estate will likely be due for some IHT, my house is my only asset but because me and my partner were unmarried my estate will not benefit from the double IHT allowance. My house is prob just over the threshold. Seems unfair that as a single bereaved parent my children will even be worse off in death than my married friend’s children who will inherit from an estate will no IHT as they will have double the allowance.

Hankunamatata · 22/09/2025 23:30

I assume he will be asked to prove that he lives somewhere else.
It is blurry if he does laundry and buys food etc at her house

Holidaytimeyay · 22/09/2025 23:50

I was investigated as I was getting single person discount on my council tax. It was very strange as I am a single parent and had nobody visiting regularly, not even a relative that could have been mistaken for a partner. I received a letter to say that they had stopped my single person’s discount and that they were investigating as they believed I had someone else living in the house. The letter stated that I would then have to pay thousands as the discount had been stopped. They wanted about a years worth of bank statements, bills etc, it got silly in the end they just asked for more and more paperwork. Anyway, they finally accepted that I had no partner but I have no idea what prompted the investigation. I was told it could be anything even a previous owner still having my address on a bank account etc.

PencilsInSpace · 23/09/2025 00:12

This is interesting - there's a DWP research report on exactly this topic from 2023:

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/are-household-formation-decisions-and-living-together-fraud-and-error-affected-by-the-living-together-as-a-married-couple-policy

I haven't read the whole thing yet but the conclusion says:

(LTFE = Living Together Fraud and Error; LTAMC = Living Together As a Married Couple)

The increasing instability and plurality of family forms may make it more complex to delineate the couple and identify the benefit unit. A growing number of people are rejecting marriage or delaying it until later in life. Cohabitation is on the rise, whether as an alternative or a precursor to marriage. Cohabiting partnerships are on average more unstable than marriages, although this may reflect differences in the characteristics of people who chose cohabitation relative to marriage. A growing number of couples are living apart together (i.e. in separate households), for a variety of reasons. Increasingly, society is comprised of a diversity of family forms: single-parent families, blended families, extended families, etc. It was not possible to identify any evidence to link these sociodemographic changes to LTFE. However, these changes may make the application of living together policy more complex, and they may call some of the assumptions on which it is based (for instance, about financial support) into question.

The configuration of the UK benefits system may discourage some people from living with a partner and could theoretically deter people from declaring a partner to the authorities. The couple rate may deter some claimants from living with a partner, particularly if it expected that they will be worse off financially. People may also avoid joint assessment with a partner as a means of protecting their financial independence and autonomy. Research has highlighted the importance of financial independence to people on low incomes, particularly women. Claimants may not have (full) access to jointly assessed income from benefits, particularly if it is paid into a single bank account, as is the default under UC. These concerns are particularly important for claimants who have reasons to doubt the reliability of their partner – for instance if their partner is over-indebted; has a history of insecure employment; or has issues with drugs, alcohol or gambling – or who are in a new relationship. Undergoing joint assessment with a partner may be risky from the perspective of financial and other forms of domestic abuse, although further research is needed to substantiate this.

This is a complex policy area, with no clear or easy solutions. Different approaches are associated with advantages, disadvantages and trade-offs. LTFE ceases to exist if the household is no longer the unit of assessment. However, a fully ‘individualised’ benefits system would be costly and less effective at targeting resources at those most at risk of experiencing financial hardship. Steps may be taken towards individualisation without abandoning the household as the unit of assessment. In this regard, the UK might look to Australia’s partially individualised welfare system for policy lessons. The Australian system relies on a partner income test rather than a couple income test – an individual allowance is applied before the partner’s income is taken into consideration. Another form of individualisation would be to make split payments the default under UC or widen the circumstances in which these can be applied. However, this raises complex questions about how the award should be split across the two partners (50/50, reflecting roles and responsibilities or allowing couples to decide). The impact of the LTAMC rule on LTFE might be mitigated by allowing couples greater freedom, whether by introducing a transition period in which couples do not have to undergo joint assessment or by allowing claimants the autonomy to define their own relationship status.

I wonder if anything further was done on this.

Are household formation decisions and living together fraud and error affected by the Living Together as a Married Couple policy?

This evidence review summarises research literature on how the UK’s Living Together as a Married Couple policy might affect Living Together Fraud and Error.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/are-household-formation-decisions-and-living-together-fraud-and-error-affected-by-the-living-together-as-a-married-couple-policy

NorthernLass2025 · 23/09/2025 00:28

I also know someone who was prosecuted recently and one of her sisters was also seriously in trouble for lying for her at the interview.. also anyone can inform false info to benefit people anonymously and it will be investigated. I personally had that happen a few years ago, I suspect it was a disgruntled ex but they rang me and very quickly became aware all the info was false and that I had re married and all the benefit info checked and matched there database. Was scary tho as took a few calls to sort it all out at the time

Toastandbutterand · 23/09/2025 00:33

Labradorlover987 · 22/09/2025 13:48

Thanks for the information - he maintains his own house (as I’ve been led to believe) but I think they do a lot of the above together - laundry, food/meals, social media etc

I think she's a bit screwed then, sorry.

I know it's very difficult, and it has always seemed unfair to me that it's the DWP that decides if you are in a serious relationship or not once kids and benefits are involved. But if he's contributing and there is evidence of that, I think her best bet is to say it's recent and that the only reason other people know is because she was asking for advice on how to proceed. Ask them at which point they think it became official. Ask them how to proceed. Tell them the truth. Ask them how much they both owe, if it's together.

I mean, I don't know, do you? If it's recent it seems wrong that he's suddenly a provider. They probably haven't even had that conversation between themselves yet.

spoonbillstretford · 23/09/2025 00:35

samplesalequeen · 22/09/2025 13:33

So her boyfriend likely stays with her more than half the time and she’s rinsing the state for the benefits of a single person?

id take the lot off her tbh. Top notch cheeky fucker.

Why? It doesn't mean he supports her financially which is surely the key element. Sounds like you want to punish her for having sex.

Looploop · 23/09/2025 00:57

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 22/09/2025 16:20

These are separate issues.

Taxpayers don’t care about the personal happiness of single parents; it’s a financial implication only.

Not all single parents are on benefits. If you are on benefits and expect other people to contribute towards your household costs i.e. taxpayers then you have to abide by the rules. You can always take things slowly and go on dates without having the bloke stay over all the time! It used to happen.

Friendlygingercat · 23/09/2025 01:25

How do you usually prove you are "resident" somewhere else?

Registered for council tax
Paying rent/mortgage/insurance
Registered with GP
Registered for banking/tax purposes
Paying utility bills in your name

If you are a single household then these documents should not be difficult to produce. However if you are living with someone else (eg parent) who is the householder then the utilities, c/tax.rent/mortgage will be in their name.

This case is an object lesson never to let neighbours know your financial circumstances if you are on benefit. Also to stay off social media, Some neighbours are reptiles - and thats an insult to reptiles.

BooneyBeautiful · 23/09/2025 01:46

JenniferBooth · 22/09/2025 16:57

The abusive alkie who lives underneath me gets his food shopping and rent paid for by his mum. So he can spend his UC on booze. Why is this allowed then?

Can't say how you could stop this. If his mum chooses to do this, then it's up to her.