Help me tell friend to go away?

Ncforthiscms · 2025-09-21T11:35:13+00:00

How do you tell someone that they've outstayed their welcome and it's time to go home? When normal hints like saying i might call it a night soon, washing up and asking what are you cooking for dinner dont work? Don't want to hurt feelings but surely after an hour or so visiting a friend it's normal to then go home....isn't it?

Woompund · 21/09/2025 12:36

An hour or so is a short visit, and it's unlikely that they would expect to leave that soon, but if it's late and you want to go to bed then just tell them! If it's during the day then invent plans you need to get ready for. But you need to be clear when you invite them what the parameters are. Pop in for a cuppa means an hour or so chatting, come for a meal means probably 2-3 hours plus.

Indianajet · 21/09/2025 12:37

What time of day? An hour is a fairly short time for my friends and I, if it is a visit in the early afternoon.

BountifulPantry · 21/09/2025 12:38

Just say you have some jobs you need to crack on with now but it’s been lovely seeing them. What are they planning to do when they head off. Oh it’s been lovely seeing you do come again. Hope the roads are ok.

If they don’t take the hint just say « tbh Sheila I have some stuff to do, so I’m gna ask you to head off »

DisplayPurposesOnly · 21/09/2025 12:39

"Right, Sarah, its been lovely seeing you but I'm done in, so I'm kicking you out now. Let me get your coat for you."

honeylulu · 21/09/2025 13:20

What time of day was it?
My late FIL, when he wanted guests to leave, would go and get their coat and hand it to them and announce jovially "well you'll be off now, good to see you but I need to get to bed" and march them to the door. MIL would say how embarrassing it was but it achieved the objective and the friends came back again so cannot have been too offended.

Some people are just very thick skinned though. We have a family friend (she's actually moved out of the area recently) who'd arrange to come over for coffee at 11 when I had a day off. I'd ask if she'd like to stay for lunch or go out for lunch (my treat) and she'd always say no, she didn't have time, would just come for an hour or so. But every time... she did not leave! She'd still be sitting there talking and talking at 2.30 and I'd be thinking bloody hell, my day off is disappearing asks I've had no lunch! I started making sure I had something preplanned for the afternoon and would tell her before she came that I would need to go out at 2 or whatever. But at 5 to 2 she'd still be sitting there while I was standing up, putting my coat on and locking the back door. Once I literally HAD to leave to get to an appointment and I actually had to walk out of my house and get in my car while she was still there. I even wondered if she'd be there when I got back but she wasn't!

She's lovely and I do like her but I found this so baffling and it would put me off seeing her.

Tastaturen · 21/09/2025 13:22

'It's been really nice seeing you, sorry it's been brief bit I'm a bit snowed under with jobs today and need to get on'.....then perhaps arrange another time to catch up.

mzpq · 21/09/2025 13:25

An hour? 😳

I waited longer for a bus.

Perhaps that's why they're not getting the hint?

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 21/09/2025 13:37

Don’t let them come to your house. Always meet at theirs or in a cafe.

user043857398 · 21/09/2025 13:53

Why is someone even in your house when it's not a close relationship?

pinkyredrose · 21/09/2025 13:58

Are you sure she's your friend?

ttcbubbanumber2 · 21/09/2025 13:58

Agree with others 1 hour sounds short but
Honesty is the best policy and for me if I know I need an early night or have things to do I will pre warn a friend before they come over for example:

“I’m looking forward to catching up tonight, see you at 6pm! Just to let you know I haven’t been sleeping very well so I’ll probably start getting ready to go to bed about 8 if you don’t mind leaving around then xx”

If you feel like you really want someone to leave for whatever reason then a polite “I really appreciate you coming over to see me, sorry I hope you don’t mind me asking you to leave in 10 mins - I really need to get on with x y and z”

InMyOpenOnion · 21/09/2025 14:03

An hour is quite short so maybe that's why? But in any event, if your friend doesn't usually get a hint, you could always have other plans to get to, eg "Lovely seeing you, I need to head out for a lunch date now - shall we leave together?".

VoltaireMittyDream · 21/09/2025 14:03

An hour is a very short visit in my book. If I have friends over they stay most of the day - I plan for that generally.

I did have an experience once when a friend invited me for lunch. She made omelettes, we ate them, she offered me a coffee, and when I said yes please that would be lovely, she completely exploded with irritation that she had things to get on with. 😳 I’d been there maybe 40 mins tops.

I think it’s best if you’re very busy or don’t like people staying long to be very clear about timings - ‘would you like to come over from 6-7:30?’

PastaAllaNorma · 21/09/2025 14:05

An hour is a very short visit! Two hours is much more typical, I'd say, and longer if we can. Don't you like this 'friend'?

As we say to our small children, use your words. Being straightforward is so much better than silly hints that can be ignored.

"I'll have to chuck you out at half three because I've got some errands to run."

"Last cuppa before you go? I need to get to the post office by quarter to..."

"It's been great catching up. I've got to get on shortly, so let's sort another date out - do you fancy lunch at the café in the park next month?"

TheChosenTwo · 21/09/2025 14:08

Echoing others, I’d consider an hour a short visit if it’s been planned in advance. If someone has just knocked on the off chance I’m in an hour is about standard, time for them to have a cuppa, a quick chat and off again.
Now you know this friend is likely to stay longer than you want them to, just set a time. “2-4 would be great, we’ve got things to do later on” or arrange to meet somewhere mutual so you can leave when you want.

FuzzyWolf · 21/09/2025 14:09

Are you inviting them round? If so when you extend the invite say what time it is until. If they are just popping round unexpected say they are welcome to come in but you only have an hour and then you have other plans.

Most people would expect a visit to be longer than an hour so you will need to make it very clear what time you are expecting them to go.

QuietLifeNoDrama · 21/09/2025 14:27

I’m prob going against the grain here but I don’t really expect people to stay longer than an hour or two. Maybe, that’s cause I usually invite them for a cuppa at like 10-11am? If I invite people for the evening though I’d be expecting more like 3-4 hours.

I think the best you can do is when you send the invite just say ‘oh I’m free Wednesday if you want to pop in for a hour’.

GAJLY · 21/09/2025 14:57

VoltaireMittyDream · 21/09/2025 14:03

An hour is a very short visit in my book. If I have friends over they stay most of the day - I plan for that generally.

I did have an experience once when a friend invited me for lunch. She made omelettes, we ate them, she offered me a coffee, and when I said yes please that would be lovely, she completely exploded with irritation that she had things to get on with. 😳 I’d been there maybe 40 mins tops.

I think it’s best if you’re very busy or don’t like people staying long to be very clear about timings - ‘would you like to come over from 6-7:30?’

That's so werid for your friend to offer you a coffee when she clearly wanted you to leave! I think I'd get bits in and if my friend stayed longer, I'd enjoy it! If I have things to do, I'll just do them while she's here!

PinkyFlamingo · 21/09/2025 15:00

An hour is a very short visit so no it isn't normal.

tinylegoscars · 21/09/2025 15:14

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

SouthernBelle21 · 21/09/2025 15:19

If you struggle with this, meet in a cafe/coffee shop instead. Then you can leave when you want, without needing to kick anyone out.

But honestly, if someone's in my house it means we're comfortable together, and I'll just say sorry but I'm going to have to call it a day I'm knackered. Nobody hates me for it!

tinylegoscars · 21/09/2025 15:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MyLimeGuide · 21/09/2025 15:24

Pretend you need to go out because you have something to do.

Arlanymor · 21/09/2025 15:27

An hour is a short visit and how far have they travelled to see you? If you can only handle short visits it’s probably better to arrange to meet them for lunch somewhere instead next time.

MyLimeGuide · 21/09/2025 15:28

honeylulu · 21/09/2025 13:20

What time of day was it?
My late FIL, when he wanted guests to leave, would go and get their coat and hand it to them and announce jovially "well you'll be off now, good to see you but I need to get to bed" and march them to the door. MIL would say how embarrassing it was but it achieved the objective and the friends came back again so cannot have been too offended.

Some people are just very thick skinned though. We have a family friend (she's actually moved out of the area recently) who'd arrange to come over for coffee at 11 when I had a day off. I'd ask if she'd like to stay for lunch or go out for lunch (my treat) and she'd always say no, she didn't have time, would just come for an hour or so. But every time... she did not leave! She'd still be sitting there talking and talking at 2.30 and I'd be thinking bloody hell, my day off is disappearing asks I've had no lunch! I started making sure I had something preplanned for the afternoon and would tell her before she came that I would need to go out at 2 or whatever. But at 5 to 2 she'd still be sitting there while I was standing up, putting my coat on and locking the back door. Once I literally HAD to leave to get to an appointment and I actually had to walk out of my house and get in my car while she was still there. I even wondered if she'd be there when I got back but she wasn't!

She's lovely and I do like her but I found this so baffling and it would put me off seeing her.

My late FIL, when he wanted guests to leave, would go and get their coat and hand it to them and announce jovially "well you'll be off now, good to see you but I need to get to bed" and march them to the door
- legend! Love this!! 😂💚