Do you have a 'rock'

[Windsweep33]

I've never had anyone that i could call my 'rock'. Not my dad. Not my mom. Not my siblings. Not my exh. Friends neither. I knew from a young age that this life was for me to handle on my own. No help came to me in terms of emotional issues (boyfriends/friendship struggles or how to choose a partner) or practical issues (help to move house or childcare) or financial issues (no money as a present ever, no help with deposits, no inheritance).

Im in my 40s now and im finally coming to terms with the fact that the strong independent personality I built, was not out of wanting to be like that, but out of necessity. As a young person you rather build an armour and say you chose it, rather than shrivel away with sadness of knowing that no one has your back. Ever.

I think the only people that really care for me are my ds's. My family members have the emptional depth of a mushroom. Happy to see me at Christmas, birthdays etc, but no interest in me as a person. Some have taken advantage and lied. Exh was the same. Obviously. I didn't know any better. It sucks. I wish i had a helping hand with life every now and then. With the kids, with money, with talking about life. Connection.

Thats all. Do you have a 'rock'?

I don’t have one. I am everyone else’s rock.
I can’t rely or call on anyone. No close friends, no siblings, no parents. My children aren’t bothered. Even my DH leans heavily on me and this means I cannot rely on him.

Having backup definitely. My parents and PILs would help any way they can, my brother and SIL, my DH, my best friend. All of them I know I could call and they’d come. I wouldn’t call them for the same things but basically all emergencies are covered by those people.

they know they can call on me too

I realise I am so fortunate to have my husband and my best friend (from school!). They are both my rocks and I try to be their rocks, too.
My parents were pretty flaky and unreliable, but I hope my adult children consider me to be their rocks, as I aimed to be a very different parent to what I experienced. Judging by the fact I am the first one they phone in floods of tears, I think I've succeeded. Annoyingly, I've ended up being my elderly mother's rock. Which I do not want and she does not deserve, but what can you do? I am so grateful for my DH & friend's support that bolsters me to support others.

I do but I hate calling someone a “rock”. Find it so toxic to label someone as stoic and expect to rely on them all the time. No one should be a rock. My husband is always referred to as a rock and I tell him to reject that label and stop putting others ahead of himself all the time.

No, I don’t have a rock. I’ve just ended up being a rock to everyone else!

Kind of. I'd say my dad has been my rock in the sense we get on very well and he has helped me financially and never been judgmental.

At the same time I've learned that...I am my own rock and its better that way. The more you rely on other people, they can let you down, I cannot stand being let down or disappointed so I'd rather not rely too much on individual people. It's not really a sad thing, it's actually a wonderfully empowering thing.

I did something yesterday just because I felt like it, didn't matter that I went alone as if I'd arranged to do it with someone they could have cancelled, I got to do it in my way.

Not having a ‘rock’ isn’t a sad matter.
i have a full life,a supportive partner and loads of amazing friends. I couldn’t even rely on my parents as a child never mind now, but that gave me a real sense of independence and resilience which has been amazing.
When I see the word ‘rock’ I think of someone you can lean on and rely on for everything. That person is me without a doubt-I wouldn’t want to give that level of power/responsibility to another person

I don’t think having a ‘rock’ is a bad thing, indicative of co dependency or anything like that. I take it to mean having a consistent, reliable person in your life who you can trust implicitly. A secure attachment. Always a good thing in my book!

Also hyper independence stemming from unmet childhood needs isn’t resilience. It’s a trauma response.

My dad was my rock. He died in 2013 and I still miss being able to ring him for advice. I’m 61…you’d think by now I’d be over it…but I’m not. He was a brilliant dad and a lovely man.

Never had this relationship with my mum, sadly. She was also lovely, but not emotionally able to be there for us.

If you’re lucky enough to still have ‘your rock’, hold them close 💖

No I don't and I've never really understood what people meant on here when they say their DH is their rock. I can't really rely on anyone but myself, never have been able to, my DH does not have my back, he would watch me fight my own corner but never would he step in and help or stand up for me.

My husband and my best friend.

Yes my wonderful Mum she is bloody amazing, always knows when something is wrong. Rings me everyday if I’m low and is generally a wonderful person. I am very lucky.

I am DD rock she is 22 and leans on me heavily, I love it!

My husband and my DM. DF was but he’s really quite ill now so that dynamic is about being his rock now (and DM as she goes through it).

Have a good husband but emotionally I have nothing to ask from him. Spiritually and destiny wise - the Rock of the ages, He never leaves me nor forsakes me.