Do you have a 'rock'

[Windsweep33]

I've never had anyone that i could call my 'rock'. Not my dad. Not my mom. Not my siblings. Not my exh. Friends neither. I knew from a young age that this life was for me to handle on my own. No help came to me in terms of emotional issues (boyfriends/friendship struggles or how to choose a partner) or practical issues (help to move house or childcare) or financial issues (no money as a present ever, no help with deposits, no inheritance).

Im in my 40s now and im finally coming to terms with the fact that the strong independent personality I built, was not out of wanting to be like that, but out of necessity. As a young person you rather build an armour and say you chose it, rather than shrivel away with sadness of knowing that no one has your back. Ever.

I think the only people that really care for me are my ds's. My family members have the emptional depth of a mushroom. Happy to see me at Christmas, birthdays etc, but no interest in me as a person. Some have taken advantage and lied. Exh was the same. Obviously. I didn't know any better. It sucks. I wish i had a helping hand with life every now and then. With the kids, with money, with talking about life. Connection.

Thats all. Do you have a 'rock'?

I am my own rock and everyone else’s rock, now getting older it would be lovely to have someone else to rely on sometimes.

?
Not in agreement with your child (irrespective of age) being your rock.
What an enormous responsibility for him

Hey op. It's a nope from me. I also think that many people think they have a rock, until there's a conflict where that rock might have to give up some comfort to facilitate you. Then one might find it's more marshmello than rock.

I have supports not rocks. Which I think is different.
As @MightyGoldBear says about how a supposedly good husband rock can change from nowhere, same applies to friends and family.

Like I said, it's from experience of watching people who are meant to be rocks crumble and disappear in front of you when you need to lean on them.

People going NC, walking out of families etc.
That's where I'm coming from.

I would love to be able to believe in a God. Must be comforting.

I would say dh is my rock since I trust him. But he's not my "soulmate" and we don't really have anything in common except the kids. As far as friends go I have got 2 reliable friends but I'm too proud/scared(?) to lean on them if things get really bad.

My two sons I wouldn't call my rocks. I am trying to be their and I would wish for them to never need to be my rock. It's not the place of a child imo.

My family is def not my rock apart from one brother who is empathetic as myself.

Definitely not and a seemingly shallow response.
I have painful circumstances in my life that all the money in the world won't take away

Not really. I have lots of pleasant people in my life, but they all have their own problems and it would be fair to expect them to take mine on as well.

I have a few really close friends that I absolutely can rely on for anything. However they can absolutely rely on me too.

Interestingly they're all male with 1 exception, (the 2nd female sadly d. last year, however I am assured I can absolutely rely on one of her brothers in the same way too - not put that one to the test)

Agree 🙌.

No, but I recognise that this is partly because, having parents I couldn’t rely on and whom I had to parent myself from a young age, I simply didn’t grow up to be someone who found it easy to ask for help.

No, but I recognise that this is partly because, having parents I couldn’t rely on and whom I had to parent myself from a young age, I simply didn’t grow up to be someone who found it easy to ask for help.

Amen 🙏

Not really. Certainly not now I'm middle aged and well and truly left to figure it out myself. My mums attitude is not to worry about things, it's quite dismissive IMO.
Although, MN is a pretty good rock come to think of it.

Comfort is an aspect, but humans are naturally meant to be in a relationship with their Creator. This is why many people feel a sense of emptiness, something off, or even lonely, even when surrounded by others. We have a God-shaped void that needs to be filled. I understand that it can be challenging; I've only been a believer for the past three years, and it has genuinely been a transformative experience—though I know that might sound cliché! I once saw a video that humorously pointed out that the difference between science and religion is that science only asks you to believe in one miracle. Anyway, I hope you find the truth for yourself.

I do have that now, in my dh; but before, as a single mum without family nearby my rock was me. I never got anything from them nor did I want it. my parents were very good to me growing up but we drifted apart when I married my exh. I learnt to rely on my own strength and resilience, and eventually met this wonderful man who lives me as I am. I hope you find peace and strength, op.

I know what you mean OP. It can be hard to feel anchored when you don’t have that reliable safe base and safety net to fall back on. I think it links to feeling ultimately unseen, and also not being prioritised. It’s brilliant you will give your children what you never had, and be their rock.

I have a husband and my parents try their best nowadays, but in terms of that lifelong consistency and reliability I credit my two closest friends from childhood. I was so adrift for so long and these friendships have anchored me throughout my life. I feel very fortunate.

I have a couple of people that are more of a stone than a rock, and they do support me, but I’ve learnt that I am the rock. I am my rock. The only person I can 100% rely on, is me.

I don’t really. Closest person to being that is my eldest daughter - I can talk to her about anything, she’s such a help with anything practical. Financially l have no safety net or people I could rely on to help me out. It’s a little terrifying and a somewhat lonely place to be sometimes but I’m more resilient than I ever imagined.

My rock is Jehovah God.

Nope. Am 45 and just realised this very recently. I have no anchor or “safe” person. I rely on myself totally. It’s exhausting

My Mum most definitely and now my sister and 3 lifelong friends, I am 61 and I know I am very fortunate.

No
im my dads support since my mum died but even before they were very much push the chicks off the branch and they will learn to fly.
My ex was abusive, my sister can be great but it comes at a price but she does refuse all support herself. My dh needs support from me but isn’t great at returning the support.
my middle dd is probably the closest thing I’ve got, that’s been in the past few years but I try not to put on her too much.

My animals.
I am fiercely independent and won’t rely on anyone for emotional support. Maybe not a good things but it’s the way I am.

My husband, possibly the most dependable person I’ve ever met, and my best friend, friends since we were 4 years old and never a single blip. I’ve a handful of other very close friends I can always rely on, and my parents in law are there no matter what to help as much as they practically can, but DH and my best friend are the two who really spring to mind.

Your post really touched my heart as I have never had that either. From a young age I felt utterly alone and so I became independent, fixed all my own issues and became someone I could totally depend on. Raised two kids alone and gave them plenty of love, affection and support, but now both of them are adults they look at me like I am pathetic and needy if I ask for any help with anything.

Being single doesn't help but unfortunately it took till late in life to realise I was gay (was too buttoned up just trying to manage life I guess) and my chances of meeting my person are now vanishingly small.