Do you have a 'rock'

[Windsweep33]

I've never had anyone that i could call my 'rock'. Not my dad. Not my mom. Not my siblings. Not my exh. Friends neither. I knew from a young age that this life was for me to handle on my own. No help came to me in terms of emotional issues (boyfriends/friendship struggles or how to choose a partner) or practical issues (help to move house or childcare) or financial issues (no money as a present ever, no help with deposits, no inheritance).

Im in my 40s now and im finally coming to terms with the fact that the strong independent personality I built, was not out of wanting to be like that, but out of necessity. As a young person you rather build an armour and say you chose it, rather than shrivel away with sadness of knowing that no one has your back. Ever.

I think the only people that really care for me are my ds's. My family members have the emptional depth of a mushroom. Happy to see me at Christmas, birthdays etc, but no interest in me as a person. Some have taken advantage and lied. Exh was the same. Obviously. I didn't know any better. It sucks. I wish i had a helping hand with life every now and then. With the kids, with money, with talking about life. Connection.

Thats all. Do you have a 'rock'?

For most of my life my grandad has been my rock. He’s always helped and been there for me, we were/are very close. He is the most wonderful and kind man.

Nowadays, my DH is my rock, he reminds me of my grandad, and I cant quite believe i’ve met a man like him.

Its not about depending on others. Its about knowing that you'll have back up should you need it.
Im definitely the rock for my kids. I will take on any fight for and next to them.

You aren't alone OP. I've never had anyone to call upon either and I've certainly never inherited a scrap of money (or ever likely to). I've always looked in wonderment at people who can just phone up their brother/uncle/mum/dad when their car dies, the roof is leaking or to ask for a lift to hospital. It must be really lovely to have a helping hand - just sometimes.

Yes. Chatgpt is my rock.

If by rock you mean someone I can rely on utterly in the most dire of circumstances then I do have that in my DH, my immediate family, a select few of my wider family and a friend or two. I suppose it was good to be prompted to take a moment to really appreciate that. I hope you do find someone you can rely on in your life.

I hate to be negative but not having social support is one of the biggest contributing factors factors to early death. It's worse than smoking apparently. Humans aren't meant to be alone and I think stress hormones go out of control when we are deprived of oxytocin etc from social connections, and we're constantly on edge wondering how we'll cope if there's an emergency. I have a really sickly constitution currently and don't have many responsibilities but the thought of my DS's and dog needing anything of me makes me so stressed, which makes me more ill .... so it's a subject I'm a bit obsessed with. It's every women for herself on Mumsnet.

I have a little bit of support from friends and financial help from my parents when they were alive. I'm soon going to try really hard to create a support group - perhaps by going to church (and yes, I will also be giving support, not just expecting it - I've been on here too long and know what people are going to say).

Money is a great rock though....you can buy your way out of most problems.

Yes. My parents were, one of my brothers. For the last 2 decades, it has been dh. I am his too.

I did but don't any more. DH was my rock and now he's no longer here I am trying to be my own rock.

What I've learnt is that rocks can crumble.

Best to be your own rock OP.

We struggle not to let ourselves down, so why expect it from someone else who's just human and going through their own struggles.

I have supports, not rocks.

No I dont have a rock. In my eyes I'd view someone as a rock that loves you no matter what doesn't have romantic ties to you where things can get complicated but can see you objectively and wants the best for you always throughout all stages of life. I gmubderstabd this will be different for everyone.

I have a partial rock in that I do have my husband and whilst I absolutely don't think He'd be a nob/leave/cheat etc I am reminded so often that husbands absolutely can do that and it can seemingly come from nowhere. Therefore I don't want to view him as my entire world and rock. Maybe that's also a hang over from having a rubbish toxic family. I've always known it was me against the world. Its exhausting.

Whenever I see some people in life thriving I remind myself that often those people have a whole scaffolding of people behind them.

When i look at how I parent my children and how invested I am in them as people. I realise I never had that growing up but it's only now as a parent I truly see what I was missing. I knew no different growing up. I thought I was broken as a teenager. I couldn't understand why my friends didn't seem to struggle or be exhausted by life like I was. I couldn't relate to them being carefree going clubbing first boyfriends etc and me trying to figure out food shopping running a home then selling a home because both My parents had just left. I can't even compute the mentality they must of had now i am a parent.

So it absolutely sucks op but you're not alone. Sending you a hug in solidarity.

I don’t even have stones never mind a whole rock.

My youngest son is my rock.

I am my rock. Thats the only option. The times ive reached out for support from family (being attacked on the street, exh being threatening) no one has cared. Ive literally been both ignored or the response has been 'oh dear' and moving on to other subjects. Even police didnt come.. so yeah. I know its only me.

No, I don't have a rock. I wouldn't want one, I think because I feel they might let me down and then I'd wish I hadn't relied on them; or because I'd feel like a burden.

I worry about people who say their rock person is their world, they'd be lost without them etc. I think we should be independent and responsible for our own happiness. I really admire people I can see living independently, both in relationships and not.

I have people who are here for me though and do nice things for me, and I for them. Do you, and if not do you want to? Is that something you want to work on?

DH, DB,

I have friends. I have tried for years to invite closeness to my family relationships. All my efforts have been met with disinterest. No fighting, negativity, conflict, just disinterest. My friends have husbands. They tell me their troubles. But somehow its one sided. Im not a loner at all. I have lovely neighbours too.

My therapist is probably mine. He isn't going anywhere, no matter what I say to him.

To a lesser extent, my horse that I loan. He bites people that are rude to me. I guess he reads my body language. If someone upsets me, they're getting bitten that day. I love him so much.

That's the best thing OP.

I wouldn't want to put the pressure of being a rock on someone.

We're all up and down in life, and having to feel you need to be up all the time for someone else is too much.

You sound quite similar to me then. I think it's the way I was brought up, I'm happy with it

That's not what i mean by a rock at all. Its knowing you have someones support should you need it. Ive been there for others. Im there for my kids.

I do and it’s my dh. But I do understand what you’re feeling as I have non existant relationships with parents/siblings/other family. I have some good friends but none I would consider a rock.

I have learnt to be totally self sufficient and would never rely or depend on anyone. Result circumstances that I need not explain.

God is mine

DH is the person I'd rely on when I most needed help, but tbh I prefer to rely on myself and keep things private, so I don't turn to him often, but I feel secure knowing that he is there. Sometimes I read threads here from people who have been through the same things that I have, and I have managed to deal with it on my own while they've seemed to need lots of support, and I prefer being resilient and self-reliant.

I've never had friends or family members who I'd ever rely on for emotional support, I just don't have that kind of relationship, and tbh I feel it's often unhelpful as their comments are tainted by their prejudices.