Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cut off a friend who regularly just stops talking to me?

80 replies

KindButDone · 19/09/2025 18:46

Last weekend, a friend of mine (let’s call her B) was meant to come round, we’d made plans and I was looking forward to it. The day before, she just stopped talking to me. No message, no “sorry I can’t make it”, nothing. And it’s not the first time.

This is a recurring pattern. Every few months, she goes quiet, completely ghosts me and stays that way for weeks or even months. When she’s in these phases, she doesn’t pick up calls or reply to texts. Then eventually she resurfaces like nothing happened.

And the thing is, when we’re talking and good, we’re really good. We get on well, she’s kind and fun to be around. But this hot and cold cycle is starting to feel emotionally exhausting.

We’ve spoken about it multiple times. She always says sorry and promises it won’t happen again but here we are, again.

It’s not like we’ve had a falling out. There’s no explanation, just complete silence.

AIBU to think this is reason enough to cut ties? Or is this something I should be more understanding about? I’m all for giving people space but I also think basic communication is the bare minimum in a friendship. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

OP posts:
Imbrocator · 20/09/2025 08:44

This sounds exhausting. If you’re good friends when she’s not doing this, can you just be honest with her?

”[Friend’s name] I know we’ve talked about your radio silence before, but I’m finding it increasingly hurtful that it keeps happening despite us discussing it and you agreeing it won’t happen again. It seems as if you only behave like this with me, and it’s honestly making me not want to maintain the friendship.”

Having had friends ghost me before, I’m a big proponent of telling your friend why the relationship isn’t working, even if it’s just the prelude to not seeing one another anymore. If you have (or once had!) respect for the person, then give them an explanation and the chance to reflect! I’d much rather my ex friends had told me what the problem was in our friendship rather than just vanishing while telling me everything was hunky dory.

Evaka · 20/09/2025 08:53

Sack her off. It's a completely unacceptable way to behave. The fact she's still on socials and seeing other friends during these periods is awful. She's not your friend OP. Sounds like there might be a creepy control vibe.

Foundationns · 20/09/2025 08:58

I think that when I d been waiting a few hours for a response about meeting up today I would phone her and if she didn’t pick up text saying YOURE DOING IT AGAIN! FOR GODS SAKE JUST SAY YES OR NO TO MEETING TODAY AND IF SO AT WHAT TIME. It might shake her out of whatever state she gets into.

localnotail · 20/09/2025 11:51

OP, so she basically feels she can "switch" communication with you on and off for whatever reason - without explaining it. I would suspect she does this because you have forgiven her once, and she feels like you will be there for her no matter what.

To me, it feels very disrespectful - its like she suddenly feels like she had enough of you and cant be asked to talk, and then decides to go back to talking and feels like you dont even deserve an explanation. I would either stop talking to her altogether, or tell her you give her one more chance but will stop talking if she does it again. And follow through.

Grow some self respect, OP. Who cares why she does it? Its rude and should not be tolerated - from anyone.

localnotail · 20/09/2025 11:53

TBH, I would just message her now saying - "You are doing it again, I had enough of it. Dont bother contacting me".

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread