Is it as easy as mindset?

[autienotnaughty]

I was talking to a friend earlier this week and we got onto the conversation of mind set. My friend is rarely ill and will keep going with a cold etc. if something puts her to bed it has to be ‘really bad’
I don’t get ill much these days (but did when kids were little) I often find a cold will stop me at least for a couple of days. So if I can I’m in bed due to pounding headache, painful sinuses, fatigue/dizziness . I also suffer with back pain, migraine and tbh menopause.
is it as simple as mindset or do some people feel worse than others/get worse symptoms?
I grew up in this culture of people who struggle more with pain/illness are weak so I aways feel guilty if I’m ill.

I don’t think mindset changes whether you get ill or not (psychosomatic illness aside) but some people are much more bloody minded than others and will ‘just get on with it’. Some people don’t have a choice, of course - single parents, people without paid sick leave.

Staying in bed with a cold usually makes me feel worse so I have learned over the years that I feel better if I dose up and just get on with my day (I am 55). The fresh air helps, too.

I had 'flu a couple of years ago. I spent the best part of a week on the sofa with that.

I was definitely raised this way; my dad ran his own business. I can't remember him ever not going to work because he was unwell with a cold or even having a cold, actually! He was the kind of person who would have said that it's better to go outside and get some fresh air rather than stay in bed.

I think it probably is mindset but maybe that mindset depends on how you are raised and what the norm was in your family?

Yes I agree but with that is a feeling of being weaker . Like tough people can handle sickness weak people can’t

I don’t think mindset makes a difference when it comes to getting sick, but I also don’t think that lying round in bed moaning and groaning at the first sign of a sniffle is helpful either.

For me, there’s something quite off-putting about a grown adult who can’t handle a cold without a whole load of drama and complaints.

Well, I think that’s true!
Some people are stronger than others. Fact of life. Doesn’t mean those who are weaker should be disparaged.

Exactly

Op you suffer from lots of chronic and long standing ailments. You probably feel that everyone is judging you because work are implying that you’ll be out on your ear if you continue with this absence rate / adjustment requests, and not great friends are maybe getting a bit tired of listening to you very reasonably complaining about fact your life so dominated by ill health.

So distance yourself from these kinds of friends.

as for work… I am afraid no advice

No it doesn't. DH and DC get a cold - they feel ropey for a couple of days. I get a cold - I'm ill for a week, then I develop a hacking cough (I don't smoke).

Exactly the same virus, different outcomes.

How do you know “exactly the same virus”

they got the sniffles and felt a bit ropey

you got a full blown cold and “hacking cough”

Because I catch these things from DH, just like I used to catch them from DC when they started nursery.

What do you think "the sniffles" is, exactly?!

I agree with the sentiment here about what you were taught about how to handle illness influences your attitude towards it.

I remember being (silently!) a little surprised that a fellow school mum was keeping her DD ‘off for a week’ for a mild cold. This girl has had tonnes of time off over the years. I wonder what lessons she’s learning about the balance between caring for herself (which is important, I agree) and resilience / being reliable and turning up.

I’ve always been a turn up and crack on type of person but in the last couple of years I’ve questioned whether that’s actually always helping me.

I think there’s probably a balance to be struck.

My mum refused to allow us to stay in bed or be off school no matter how sick we were. She was of the “getting up and getting some fresh air will cure it” persuasion. All that’s left me with is an inability to look after myself properly when I need to.

I don’t think it’s necessarily about mindset.

You’ve only got to look at Covid to see that illness affects people so differently and people have wildly different symptom's

When my husband gets a cold it’s a sniffle, when I get a cold I’m an absolute streaming snotty mess, when my son gets a cold he gets a terrible cough and earache. I don’t think any of us would take to bed, but there is definitely varying levels of illness.

Some people definitely suffer with worse symptoms than others.

I grew up with a similar situation

I do have a long standing chronic pain condition but actually I’ve been ill (as in colds/viruses etc) far less since it got worse presumably due to less socialising/work and possibly the meds masking mild stuff.

Hopefully I will have my phased return to work and all will be well 🤞

A mild cold
🤷‍♀️

Is this a close friend? Someone who is supportive?
or more of a friend you see irregularly for the odd catch up?

OP your friend who always struggles through illness with a positive mindset may one day be struck down with a bad dose of flu which renders her unable to leave her bed for a few days. In which case she will explain that this was the worst illness ever and despite her incredibly high pain threshold she was, this time, entirely justified in being bedridden.

It is impossible to point out to such people that people experience illnesses to differing degrees and some people at some times suffer more with illness than others. As well as possibly some people being less mentally resilient. People can be very invested in the concept of their own superiority.

I do think mindset plays a massive part in it. I have young kids so ill a lot, I get migraines and I have chronic pain which has meant I'm in daily pain for 4 years and I can't take painkillers for it, still moving slowly through the NHS waitlists...

Don't get me wrong, I sometimes feel miserable and let myself have a day when I sit about and eat chocolate, but I never feel better for it.

But generally if I accept that I feel rubbish/ have pain and think about how I can keep going despite that I have a much better time as I'll get distracted from feeling rubbish rather than wallowing in it. I might end the day going to bed super early or feeling exhausted but I mentally feel a lot better and able to take on more the next day than if I've had a wallowing day

A cold would never put me to bed, to be fair neither did covid of flu type A when I had it last Christmas. I am the type to keep plodding on, so yes I do think you can push through that with mindset and a heavy dose of Lemsip. But a migraine or a sickness bug - no amount of mindset can get you through that.

Interesting question and reflections.
I have been in bed only when I got pneumonia, bad flu and Covid, and was so weak I couldn't walk. Maybe 4-5 times in my life (I am 50)?
Migraines, colds, viruses don't stop me working and going about my daily tasks (they might get reduced i.e. cancelling social events or sports, but not always).
However, I am a very active, buzzing, productive person and - also- there is no plan B, most daily tasks are on me or on me.

I am torn between thinking I am generally speaking lucky with my health or I have 'that' mindset.

Exactly. Caused by a virus.

DH and DC will be affected mildly, and I will be affected badly by the same virus. And nearly always get a post-viral cough.

Nothing to do with mindset. I don't actually enjoy being ill 😆

But you don’t know for sure it is the “same virus”

You could have got a more severe variant or something different!

Does your family generally tend to get sick first @RuttleTuttle

Nothing to do with mindset. I don't actually enjoy being ill 😆

but that precisely contradicts your view that it has “nothing to do with mindset”!!!