What do you wish you’d taught your child earlier, now they’re a neurodiverse adult?

[Treaclebear]

I’m a mum to a young neurodiverse child and often wonder what skills or lessons will really help them later in life. For those of you whose neurodiverse children are now teenagers or adults what do you wish you’d taught or focused on earlier?

I’d love to hear what has made the biggest difference for your child’s independence, wellbeing, and happiness as they’ve grown.

Some great suggestions. I’m a late diagnosed mum of two ADHD teenage boys. I’m now a full time ADHD Coach specialising in Teenagers and late diagnosed women. For me, my number one priority would be emotional regulation. As neurodivergse children hear in average 20,000 negative comments by the age of 12 in comparison to their neurotypical peers there are so many challenges in their lives BUT if they understand their brains and their home environment supports their development a super bright future awaits them x

Shoe laces, scissors, cooking, riding a bike, using a screwdriver, changing a lightbulb and driving.

All have been torturous, but we are either on our way or have got there - even if it doesn't look like other people think it should (ie driving automatic not manual).

I think you have to throw out age related expectations and go with individualisation.

It's is hard for a long long time.

Trying to teach around relationships is especially hard for boys/men as you want them to be crystal clear around consent, but if you overdo the fear then you can scare them so much they decide they will never try. It's so easy to get things wrong when you don't read people or situations well.

Explain social rules to them! All of this was completely unintuitive to me as a child and absolutely no one explained any of it to me. In some ways, the (well meaning) messages young people get to 'resist peer pressure' and 'be themselves' are completely unhelpful for autistic people, who are naturally more inwardly focused and to whom it wouldn't naturally occur to change how they express themselves depending on the context.

After years of observation, I started 'getting' why people did small talk and how group conversations work. But it would have been so helpful if a parent could have helped me understand some of this stuff a bit earlier. Spent most of my teens baffled about how most people choose to communicate. Probably came across terribly but I simply did not understand!

As a diagnosed autistic adult…..all of this, plus indulging special interests (I will always remember my mum trying to contort her leg to look broken lying at the bottom of the stairs so I could practice my first aid skills for St John Badgers club - I went on to become a paramedic) and scaffolded support to doing different things. For example, I’m not confident doing anything I’ve never done before so I need someone to do it with me or show me and supervise once or a few times first so I can learn it. It’s simple things like….going to the tip….my mum went with me the first time and helped me navigate the process, systems etc and now I can do it on my own. I still phone my mum with random cooking questions even though I’ve asked her the same question before. She doesn’t bat an eyelid, just refreshes my memory….most of the time it’s reassurance I need.
And not badgering to do stuff or get outside for the sake of it. I prefer being I and doing my hobbies. I don’t need to see or speak to someone everyday. I’m content that way.

That you can't change sex. I didn't know that they even needed to be told as they'd shown no signs of interest until they were all grown up and it was too late.

Don't be me.