Page 4 | Husbands never home for dinner

Chichi444 · 2025-09-18T17:24:22+00:00

AIBU for being mad at the fact that my partner works all day from early morning till after 7.30 sometimes 8 he’s in construction and so hes never home for dinner or help out with the youngest of children with dinner and bedtime routines. and to be fair I wouldn’t mind if he was making all the extra money so we could afford extra luxuries in life like a car fancy dinners day trips nice presents etc… But we barely get by to the point where I’m constantly borrowing from my parents… it just doesn’t make sense anymore because out of all the other mums I know I swear their husband are always home for dinner and it seems that I’m always struggling on my own 😫😫 doing it all alone. anyone relates?

whynotwhatknot · 18/09/2025 23:38

also doesnt make sense that youre low on money foreman and above get more than bil and hes on a decent wage

petergriffinsdeadfrog · 18/09/2025 23:45

EXP was a “chef” read microwave technician in several pubs as he couldn’t hold it down at any one place for long but maintained that he was a chef. He would be “called in” for mandatory staff meetings on any given day off that we had planned to go for a day out with DD. They’d last for hours, “oh we had a menu change and had to make the new food” but didn’t even take his ‘chef whites’ in with him, which I had to wash after every shift of his, they absolutely stank, thinking about the smell still makes me feel physically sick. When he finally got home the time to have a day out was over. If he wasn’t suddenly called into a meeting he’d spend an hour in the loo just as we had to leave.
Years after me leaving him (when DD was 1) he’d try to get out of the contact he’d arranged with her with ever increasing ridiculous reasons given when he was already late. “I don’t have any clean clothes so I’ve put them in the washing machine now but I won’t be able to leave until I can get them dry”, “I need to go to my mums first to get her some ciggies” (he was already living with his mum), “I’ve shit myself so I need to go home to get new boxers and jeans”… luckily he disappeared and there’s been no contact for 5 years now. You know when they’re taking the fucking piss. And when you k ow, you get the fuck out of the situation. Maybe he’ll try the “I’ve shit myself” one. They get more and more ridiculous as an excuse for the time they’ve been absent.

Original poster

Chichi444 · 19/09/2025 00:11

petergriffinsdeadfrog · 18/09/2025 23:45

EXP was a “chef” read microwave technician in several pubs as he couldn’t hold it down at any one place for long but maintained that he was a chef. He would be “called in” for mandatory staff meetings on any given day off that we had planned to go for a day out with DD. They’d last for hours, “oh we had a menu change and had to make the new food” but didn’t even take his ‘chef whites’ in with him, which I had to wash after every shift of his, they absolutely stank, thinking about the smell still makes me feel physically sick. When he finally got home the time to have a day out was over. If he wasn’t suddenly called into a meeting he’d spend an hour in the loo just as we had to leave.
Years after me leaving him (when DD was 1) he’d try to get out of the contact he’d arranged with her with ever increasing ridiculous reasons given when he was already late. “I don’t have any clean clothes so I’ve put them in the washing machine now but I won’t be able to leave until I can get them dry”, “I need to go to my mums first to get her some ciggies” (he was already living with his mum), “I’ve shit myself so I need to go home to get new boxers and jeans”… luckily he disappeared and there’s been no contact for 5 years now. You know when they’re taking the fucking piss. And when you k ow, you get the fuck out of the situation. Maybe he’ll try the “I’ve shit myself” one. They get more and more ridiculous as an excuse for the time they’ve been absent.

that is so shocking 😮 I’m soo sorry you went through that @petergriffinsdeadfrog
just nuts

OP posts:

99bottlesofkombucha · 19/09/2025 00:50

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:57

He’s the type to not even care if I did something like that he would call an be like where are you guys id tell him and he would say something like oh ok well let me know when you coming back and not even ask what’s going on? why? are you okay? can we talk please ? nothing he’s a bit of npc i dont know

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doesnr that tell you everything you need to know? I’d plan separating, what is there to save?

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 19/09/2025 05:30

Do you know his salary, do you have joint accounts?

As a previous poster said it’s not the late nights or low wage/ no money - it’s the two combined that makes no sense. I’m sure your parents must be very concerned if that have voiced queries over the amount of work yet needing funds from them.

A foreman working that many hours is either rolling in it or is a very very bad businessman…. Where there is smoke there is fire and to me it sounds like he is hiding money from you ….. sorry I think you need to make long term plans for you and your kids

SomewhatAnnoyed · 19/09/2025 05:46

Lindy2 · 18/09/2025 18:53

Most planning permission sets the time building work can he carried out. I have building work going on near me and they are allowed to work 8am - 5pm.

Are you sure he's actually working and not going elsewhere before he comes home?

This is what I’m thinking… there are a few similar women on here saying their partners also work late hours in construction - I hope that’s the case and not a well-known smirky shirk tactic in the industry

ainsleysanob · 19/09/2025 06:22

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:04

He does it all from carpentry to roofing but mainly home extensions and he usually oversees the whole project.

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ah I see. The reason I asked is that I work for a large construction company, we do all types of construction work but not residential - mainly large retail/commercial properties and my lads are out for hours every day. Do you see his payslip if he’s not self employed or can you write down his ‘hours’ for a week and then see what he’s getting coming out with in wages at the end of the week?

Winteriscoming80 · 19/09/2025 09:07

Can’t you check is payslip?it would tell you hours worked?I don’t think he’s at work tho op,unless he’s the contracts manager or similar but still the trades don’t work late.

Swiftie1878 · 19/09/2025 09:15

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:57

He’s the type to not even care if I did something like that he would call an be like where are you guys id tell him and he would say something like oh ok well let me know when you coming back and not even ask what’s going on? why? are you okay? can we talk please ? nothing he’s a bit of npc i dont know

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God, this sounds miserable!

I was going to say, if he’s working, he’s working- but it is unusual for construction to continue beyond about 4pm (more usual to have a very early start). You need to find out if he’s actually working. Can a friend snoop for you?

But then when I read this quoted post, I thought wow! Just get out of the relationship. It sounds grim.

OvernightBloats · 19/09/2025 09:24

petergriffinsdeadfrog · 18/09/2025 23:45

EXP was a “chef” read microwave technician in several pubs as he couldn’t hold it down at any one place for long but maintained that he was a chef. He would be “called in” for mandatory staff meetings on any given day off that we had planned to go for a day out with DD. They’d last for hours, “oh we had a menu change and had to make the new food” but didn’t even take his ‘chef whites’ in with him, which I had to wash after every shift of his, they absolutely stank, thinking about the smell still makes me feel physically sick. When he finally got home the time to have a day out was over. If he wasn’t suddenly called into a meeting he’d spend an hour in the loo just as we had to leave.
Years after me leaving him (when DD was 1) he’d try to get out of the contact he’d arranged with her with ever increasing ridiculous reasons given when he was already late. “I don’t have any clean clothes so I’ve put them in the washing machine now but I won’t be able to leave until I can get them dry”, “I need to go to my mums first to get her some ciggies” (he was already living with his mum), “I’ve shit myself so I need to go home to get new boxers and jeans”… luckily he disappeared and there’s been no contact for 5 years now. You know when they’re taking the fucking piss. And when you k ow, you get the fuck out of the situation. Maybe he’ll try the “I’ve shit myself” one. They get more and more ridiculous as an excuse for the time they’ve been absent.

'Microwave technician'!! That has made me laugh!

RedPony1 · 19/09/2025 09:50

We pay around 2500 construction workers a week, average hours are 10-12 a day, hour lunch and then the commute to/from. i bet the vast majority of them around home till gone 7pm every eve. Some of them regularly hit 15 hours days on site.

Beachtastic · 19/09/2025 09:52

Rainbowqueeen · 18/09/2025 23:22

But are their families constantly short of money and having to borrow from extended family to cover the basics? Something is not adding up here. He's either a rubbish businessman and should be charging more or he's getting out of parenting by not coming home

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Yes, I see OP has now mentioned his apparent indifference to home life! 🫣 That's a different story and suggests he's in no rush to get back. I was just worried about jumping to conclusions about how/where he's spending his time, because honestly looking at these local builders I'd be dead within a week trying to get done what they achieve, physically and mentally, at all hours in all weathers 😟 and I know they'd both much rather be at home with the wife and kids!

Littleredracecar · 19/09/2025 10:02

I have utmost sympathy for you as this is my life too but I do know why my DHs working hours are so long and I would imagine yours would be similar.
He normally leaves by 7am to beat the traffic into the city and finishes around 5 but he often goes to see jobs on the way home/ goes into a building supplies place to get things for the next day and then has to empty his van when he gets back as well as make up invoices and get quotes from suppliers for materials.

MyAcornWood · 19/09/2025 10:12

I find it a bit baffling that you’re so hard up when he’s working those hours in construction, particularly as he’s somewhat of a management-type role. The long hours make sense, the money doesn’t.
I understand how you’re feeling re always being on your own though. My husband is an agricultural contractor, our own business, so he works insane hours. It’s not just the kids not seeing him, I don’t either, BUT it makes us a nice chunk of money and we’re improving our lifestyle as time goes on, not spiralling into debt and endless borrowing. DH also feels sad he misses so much and I know he’s always keen to be home with us. Makes a big difference I think.

Complet · 19/09/2025 10:21

I work in construction and have never heard of anyone finishing at 1600 or 1700!! Noisy construction works are usually limited to 0800-1800 Monday to Friday and 0800-1300 on a Saturday. Carpentry is not a noisy activity and therefore not limited to those hours. We regularly work late depending on the programme. When I was on site (in a management role), I would regularly leave the house at 0630 and be home around 2000. The people on site would work later than that!

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 19/09/2025 10:54

Complet · 19/09/2025 10:21

I work in construction and have never heard of anyone finishing at 1600 or 1700!! Noisy construction works are usually limited to 0800-1800 Monday to Friday and 0800-1300 on a Saturday. Carpentry is not a noisy activity and therefore not limited to those hours. We regularly work late depending on the programme. When I was on site (in a management role), I would regularly leave the house at 0630 and be home around 2000. The people on site would work later than that!

Not to be rude by I can not believe this… I have so many building sites around my house and it is a ghost town by 4pm…

Whatsallthisthen2025 · 19/09/2025 10:57

He's got a girlfriend, other family, gambling addiction, prostitute addiction - something is going on. Dig deeper.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/09/2025 10:58

It’s a good thing you didn’t marry an officer, police, fire, doctor, paramedic, politician, journalist, rabbi, farmer or retail worker because many professions require antisocial working hours.

it’s tough, but you are not alone. Many families have a parent that works a job with antisocial hours.

Toesy · 19/09/2025 11:07

arethereanyleftatall · 18/09/2025 22:40

I’m really sorry op, but if you want you could do some digging but I’m not sure you’ll like what you find. many men ‘work late’ to get out of parenting, and it’s shit and they should be ashamed.

I saw so much of this while working.
Men shooting the breeze to avoid the "witching hour" of 5-7pm with young children.

One used to park two minutes away from his home for an hours snooze before going in.

He pissed off one of his colleagues who dropped him right in it with his wife at a social.
She threw him out that weekend.
She took him back after a few weeks and he was out that door sp sharpish after that.

In fact several female colleagues discreetly dropped men in it with their partners on that score.

sesquipedalian · 19/09/2025 11:08

@ arethereanyleftatall
“many men ‘work late’ to get out of parenting, and it’s shit and they should be ashamed.”

It was a standing joke at the office that my ex would never come home until he was sure all the children were in bed. He got later and later - like ten o’ clock - he was literally just messing about at work, and I had five young children! It was just one of the many ways in which he abdicated all responsibility - which is why is an ex.

Just to add: at the time, we were married, and they were all his children.

CallMeMessy · 19/09/2025 11:28

I had a boss who used to stay in the office til
6/7pm after mucking about on the internet for a lot of the day. Everyone else and I mean even the MD was out of there by 5.30pm and there was no late working culture.
I asked him why he stayed late one time and he said that if he timed it right he missed all the boring after school stuff, collecting kids, getting their tea, bathing them etc and arrived back just when they were in bed.He was very smug about it - his wife, a FULL TIME teacher didn’t all, under the impression that his job was so demanding he had to stay or else.

She also didn’t know - FOR years- that we finished at 1pm on Fridays! I don’t know what boss did on those days, sometimes it was team Friday beers or lunch but mostly we were free. He didn’t stay in the office but he clearly didn’t go home either. He got caught out when someone mentioned the half day Fridays at an event we had where spouses were invited. She was not happy!

OP, I’d check on those working hours…

CallMeMessy · 19/09/2025 11:30

He was also first in the office at 7.30am ish - which including his commute meant he left the house just as the kids were waking… again no one else came in at that time other than the post guy! We were very much 9am-5pm working hrs.

CallMeMessy · 19/09/2025 11:32

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/09/2025 10:58

It’s a good thing you didn’t marry an officer, police, fire, doctor, paramedic, politician, journalist, rabbi, farmer or retail worker because many professions require antisocial working hours.

it’s tough, but you are not alone. Many families have a parent that works a job with antisocial hours.

Edited

Sure but they don’t work 24/7 do they! My mate is a 4 days in 4 days off firefighter and on his days off he’s very much a hands on dad doing school runs, activities etc with his kids and spending time with his wife.
Almostnas if he likes them or something…

Cherrytree86 · 19/09/2025 12:10

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/09/2025 22:24

Working twelve hour days but you are going cap in hand to your parents just to cover the basics?

Nope, not buying it. Not least because the work he does is on people's homes and who the hell wants the builders in when they are trying get the kids in bed?

Something definitely isnt adding up here. All the tradies I know are earning a fucking fortune as there simply arent enough of them around so they can name their price. Working the hours he claims to and still being hard up? Nah, not happening.

Gambling, drinking, skiving off family time, other woman, who knows.....but he isnt doing what he says he is and you need to dig a little deeper.

@PyongyangKipperbang

for goodness sake, not everyone has young children! There will be lots of customers for whom building work in the evening wouldn’t be an issue.

stayathomer · 19/09/2025 12:17

I know a lot of people are saying they know builders who stop work at 4 but I’ve seen builders md tradespeople doing ungodly hours, and actually anytime I’ve had someone come here to fix something urgent it’s generally late in the evening/ at night (I especially feel for plumbers, the last plumber I had retired early, he had gone 14 days without a day off and said his son had been asking him to go to a match and he finally said ‘I’m done, I can’t do this anymore’