Page 3 | Husbands never home for dinner

Chichi444 · 2025-09-18T17:24:22+00:00

AIBU for being mad at the fact that my partner works all day from early morning till after 7.30 sometimes 8 he’s in construction and so hes never home for dinner or help out with the youngest of children with dinner and bedtime routines. and to be fair I wouldn’t mind if he was making all the extra money so we could afford extra luxuries in life like a car fancy dinners day trips nice presents etc… But we barely get by to the point where I’m constantly borrowing from my parents… it just doesn’t make sense anymore because out of all the other mums I know I swear their husband are always home for dinner and it seems that I’m always struggling on my own 😫😫 doing it all alone. anyone relates?

ainsleysanob · 18/09/2025 21:53

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 21:39

Thank you all for replies mums I don’t how to use this site to reply to individual msgs but I will put it all in one

So I’m self employed atm so I work whenever I can get childcare and my agency whenever there’s demand so that can be a few times a months and my youngest is 2 an we both agreed we don’t want to put her in nursery until at least 3. I know I shouldn’t compare my self to others.

my parents also are perplexed about our financial circumstances and asked me if I’m sure he’s at work in the evening and not somewhere else but I’m not getting any clues that anything abnormal is happening…. I might be wrong I don’t know…

To be honest I’m not saying that I’m physically exhausted is just that I’m mentally drained and it would be nice to have just the normality to have dinners as a family and nice conversation around dinner table with the kids and just and a little connection before bed as I think is important for the children.

neither am I expecting him to do anything when he gets home the house is clean is tidy dinner is cooked children have done their homework have taken their baths have brushed their teeth stories have been read music practice has been done etc…

and that’s what I mean about the hours in construction the norm that I hear about is finish at latest 5 but he seems to always get this jobs where they don’t mind what time he finishes I’m so fed up and it doesn’t add up is all the sacrifice an no glory..

don’t know if I made sense

What sort of construction is it OP?

estellacandance · 18/09/2025 21:54

Affair?

DramaLlamacchiato · 18/09/2025 21:55

Mine’s a chef. It was hard going when the kids were small, but it is what it is.

Lavender14 · 18/09/2025 22:02

I would imagine there are some jobs in construction that are longer days or less social hours but I'd also imagine those are specific work contracts which would be time limited eg, work on a motorway that's in use during the day or similar. I can't see it for an average construction job.

I think you might need to do a bit of digging into where he actually is? Does he get paid monthly into a joint account or get paid into his account and he then gives you contributions or how does that work? Is it cash in hand work? I would start asking more questions about where he's working and then I'd be very tempted to scout it out some evening after 5 to see if he's actually there or if he's down the pub or something.

Original poster

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:04

ainsleysanob · 18/09/2025 21:53

What sort of construction is it OP?

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He does it all from carpentry to roofing but mainly home extensions and he usually oversees the whole project.

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Original poster

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:05

minipie · 18/09/2025 19:58

Solidarity @SENSummer exact same position here.

thank you @SENSummer

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mondaytosunday · 18/09/2025 22:07

My DH was out of the house 7.30-8pm (and went to the gym daily beforehand). He was a lawyer and yes we COULD afford some luxuries, but the daily routine was down to me. I sat with the kids at their dinner but had mine with my DH later. He didn’t choose his hours that’s what they were, and he also travelled so was away from home about 100 nights a year.
But something doesn’t add up - you need to have a frank conversation about his hours snd pay.

Original poster

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:09

CoastalCalm · 18/09/2025 19:53

Is he going down the pub ?

Im Confident he’s not going to the pub he’s not the type.

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Original poster

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:17

mondaytosunday · 18/09/2025 22:07

My DH was out of the house 7.30-8pm (and went to the gym daily beforehand). He was a lawyer and yes we COULD afford some luxuries, but the daily routine was down to me. I sat with the kids at their dinner but had mine with my DH later. He didn’t choose his hours that’s what they were, and he also travelled so was away from home about 100 nights a year.
But something doesn’t add up - you need to have a frank conversation about his hours snd pay.

Thank you for sharing @mondaytosunday he’s a hard head and if I start giving suggestions that maybe he should try take on different project that would suit us as a family which I think is possible or ask him questions he would just reply with something like well at least I’m not sitting on my ass all day which is not the case but you know that is just classic….

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PyongyangKipperbang · 18/09/2025 22:24

Working twelve hour days but you are going cap in hand to your parents just to cover the basics?

Nope, not buying it. Not least because the work he does is on people's homes and who the hell wants the builders in when they are trying get the kids in bed?

Something definitely isnt adding up here. All the tradies I know are earning a fucking fortune as there simply arent enough of them around so they can name their price. Working the hours he claims to and still being hard up? Nah, not happening.

Gambling, drinking, skiving off family time, other woman, who knows.....but he isnt doing what he says he is and you need to dig a little deeper.

sandyhappypeople · 18/09/2025 22:25

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:17

Thank you for sharing @mondaytosunday he’s a hard head and if I start giving suggestions that maybe he should try take on different project that would suit us as a family which I think is possible or ask him questions he would just reply with something like well at least I’m not sitting on my ass all day which is not the case but you know that is just classic….

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he would just reply with something like well at least I’m not sitting on my ass all day

What a prince.

Doesn't sound like he's working as late as he says he is, and he's obviously well versed in deflecting attention away from it.

FancyLimePoet · 18/09/2025 22:29

Same here, although my husband is actually in the house as he WFH. I’m on mat leave (month 7) and can count on my hand how many times he has done bath and bedtime. I have a professional career I will be going back to and often work late too so he will just have to work around that. It’s not unusual for him to take calls at 11 at night.

I sympathise as it can be draining, but at least I have an end date.

i guess you have to make a choice, put her in nursery and concentrate on your career or accept how it is.

Original poster

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:37

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/09/2025 22:24

Working twelve hour days but you are going cap in hand to your parents just to cover the basics?

Nope, not buying it. Not least because the work he does is on people's homes and who the hell wants the builders in when they are trying get the kids in bed?

Something definitely isnt adding up here. All the tradies I know are earning a fucking fortune as there simply arent enough of them around so they can name their price. Working the hours he claims to and still being hard up? Nah, not happening.

Gambling, drinking, skiving off family time, other woman, who knows.....but he isnt doing what he says he is and you need to dig a little deeper.

I know is sound nuts don’t it…

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TalulahJP · 18/09/2025 22:40

Can you have a shufti at his phone? I suspect some kind of foul play and if he’s not the type for the pub….

arethereanyleftatall · 18/09/2025 22:40

I’m really sorry op, but if you want you could do some digging but I’m not sure you’ll like what you find. many men ‘work late’ to get out of parenting, and it’s shit and they should be ashamed.

Beachtastic · 18/09/2025 22:44

IstillloveKingThistle · 18/09/2025 21:53

Nah. Sorry . You have absolutely no clue what happens here .
Depending on the role and the situation you have no idea .

My husband is high up in the TV industry. He works away, abroad, for 9 months of the year. We have children. I suffer from ill health.
What do you do?
Unless you understand please don’t presume that you know.

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But as I said, it might make sense if she did his job for a week. I know two local builders who are often working at least a 12-hour day, and they're certainly not sitting around eating ham sarnies. They would both love to spend more time with their families.

99bottlesofkombucha · 18/09/2025 22:47

I’d take the kids over to my mums and stay there for a week, let him find out when he comes home late.

Original poster

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:53

arethereanyleftatall · 18/09/2025 22:40

I’m really sorry op, but if you want you could do some digging but I’m not sure you’ll like what you find. many men ‘work late’ to get out of parenting, and it’s shit and they should be ashamed.

i Have in the past and never found anything but I might do go back to that..

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Original poster

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:57

99bottlesofkombucha · 18/09/2025 22:47

I’d take the kids over to my mums and stay there for a week, let him find out when he comes home late.

He’s the type to not even care if I did something like that he would call an be like where are you guys id tell him and he would say something like oh ok well let me know when you coming back and not even ask what’s going on? why? are you okay? can we talk please ? nothing he’s a bit of npc i dont know

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Beesandhoney123 · 18/09/2025 23:07

Builders in our house doing stuff like that for months. They knocked off at 4pm. Self employed. Sometimes they went earlier to pick up their kids. They arrived about 8.30- 9am.

You must know what he earns and his day rate. Do you have a joint account?

It's two issues - 1- there is no money but he has a job which is skilled and a good day rate.

Where is he - pub? Coffee shop? Sitting in a layby eating sweets?

Pop a an old iPhone under the seat. Track it with find my phone. My dad would have followed him.
Your parents are correct. Something is off. What do his parents say?

whynotwhatknot · 18/09/2025 23:20

my bil works in contruction not a foreman but hes never back later than five he says everyones left when he does

Rainbowqueeen · 18/09/2025 23:22

Beachtastic · 18/09/2025 22:44

But as I said, it might make sense if she did his job for a week. I know two local builders who are often working at least a 12-hour day, and they're certainly not sitting around eating ham sarnies. They would both love to spend more time with their families.

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But are their families constantly short of money and having to borrow from extended family to cover the basics? Something is not adding up here. He's either a rubbish businessman and should be charging more or he's getting out of parenting by not coming home

SandyY2K · 18/09/2025 23:24

Chichi444 · 18/09/2025 22:57

He’s the type to not even care if I did something like that he would call an be like where are you guys id tell him and he would say something like oh ok well let me know when you coming back and not even ask what’s going on? why? are you okay? can we talk please ? nothing he’s a bit of npc i dont know

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Some construction workers do work long hours. I have a friend who complains about her DH. They don't have young kids, but she was complaining about being alone in the evening.

He said he's trying to make enough money for her to live comfortably.

He's not cheating or anything dodgy. The difference with then is that they're not short of money like in your situation.

Nothankyov · 18/09/2025 23:28

@Chichi444 I was once in your position. 3 small kids and husband doing 60+ hours week, travelling abroad every six weeks if not more. And we had a comfortable life but not luxurious. But we had a goal in mind só even though it was though we had the idea of it’s until he reaches this next step of his career. It’s exhausting for you with the kids and for him I’m sorry. No real advice to give but I understand.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/09/2025 23:30

I think what some PP are missing is that it isnt either the long hours, or the lack of money, each in isolation that are issues. Its the long hours AND the lack of money.

A five day week on minimum wage with 12 hours days would be over £2k net a month. And if he is a tradie there is no way he is on NMW (and if he is, he shouldnt be!).