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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can he take my children?

72 replies

Whatinthedoopla · 18/09/2025 10:53

Hello,

My partner and I (not married) are having relationship issues, and he wants to take the kids to his parent's house to live in for a while.

I have told him I don't want the kids going, his mum has been nasty to the children, looking at them weirdly and not being very kind to them, so I really don't want them with them while I'm not there. Also, I don't want my children away from me.

I have told my partner I don't want him to take the children.

As we are not married, but he is their dad, can he do this? Or can I legally keep my children with me?

I'm just not sure on my rights

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 18/09/2025 10:58

If you're separating or on the edge of it I would not want him taking the children if you think there's any possibility of him not returning them. You need to agree a custody arrangement detailing where the kids will stay and when and that should be centered around what is best for the kids. Which may be staying in what they see as their own home with regular time spent with dad. How old are your kids?

I'd speak to a solicitor for legal advice who specialises in family law and domestic abuse. You could also report him to social services and seek support from womens aid if you feel he's being abusive.

Has he stated if he sees this being part time or for how long? What's the bedroom arrangement at his mums?

The fact you're unmarried is irrelevant you're both the children's biological parents and you both have to make an agreement. One parent can't unilaterally up and leave with the kids and if they do the other parent could take them to court.

Snorlaxo · 18/09/2025 11:02

If you tell him to take you to court then that will buy you some time. He can ask for up to 50% of the time (I assume you live near each other so he can do the school run etc ) You can’t stop him living with his mum or the kids having access with his mum during his time

Original poster
Whatinthedoopla · 18/09/2025 11:07

Snorlaxo · 18/09/2025 11:02

If you tell him to take you to court then that will buy you some time. He can ask for up to 50% of the time (I assume you live near each other so he can do the school run etc ) You can’t stop him living with his mum or the kids having access with his mum during his time

His parents live about 8 hours away.

Kids are toddlers

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatinthedoopla · 18/09/2025 11:08

Lavender14 · 18/09/2025 10:58

If you're separating or on the edge of it I would not want him taking the children if you think there's any possibility of him not returning them. You need to agree a custody arrangement detailing where the kids will stay and when and that should be centered around what is best for the kids. Which may be staying in what they see as their own home with regular time spent with dad. How old are your kids?

I'd speak to a solicitor for legal advice who specialises in family law and domestic abuse. You could also report him to social services and seek support from womens aid if you feel he's being abusive.

Has he stated if he sees this being part time or for how long? What's the bedroom arrangement at his mums?

The fact you're unmarried is irrelevant you're both the children's biological parents and you both have to make an agreement. One parent can't unilaterally up and leave with the kids and if they do the other parent could take them to court.

He suffers a lot with depression, and not able to look after the children 50%, let alone 100%.

OP posts:
Upstartled · 18/09/2025 11:10

Are you saying your children at risk under his care?

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/09/2025 11:10

What country are you in and why does he want to take them away from you? You have parental responsibility by virtue of being their mother. Is he on their birth certificates?

Lavender14 · 18/09/2025 11:10

I think if the kids are big enough to lift and put in a car I'd be seeking legal advice now in advance so you know what you can do to protect yourself.

Has he ever been abusive towards you or to the children? If you feel he's unfit to parent because of his mental health then you need to contact social services and get them involved so they can assess his capacity to parent. Unless there are significant issues with your own parenting I don't see any court or social worker thinking it's a good idea to move two toddlers 8hrs away from their primary caregiver by an unwell parent.

LIZS · 18/09/2025 11:12

If he is on the birth certificate he has parental responsibility so he can remove them. You might need to get an urgent court order for residency if you think it unreasonable or unsafe.

HoskinsChoice · 18/09/2025 11:12

Poor kids!

He is of course as entitled as you are to fight for custody. You need to put your children's needs at the centre of your agreement. One of you is probably going to have to move as I can't see a true co-parenting relationship working when you are 8 hours apart.

BettysRoasties · 18/09/2025 11:14

Without a court order in place he has just as much right as you do to take the children to visit family within the same country.

What you need is a court order that states who in the resident parent that the children reside with and so.

Otherwise either of you could take the children, refuse to return them. The police won’t get involved. You’d have to go to court.

Woompund · 18/09/2025 11:16

Neither of you have more or less right than the other to keep the kids in your care. Who does most of the care currently? Do either of you work? What's the situation with the house - are either of you planning to move out?

CinnamonBuns67 · 18/09/2025 11:17

If he's on the birth certificate yes as he has same rights as you. If he's not then no not without a court order. Assuming you are in UK of course I appreciate things may be different elsewhere.

peterwabbit · 18/09/2025 11:17

As others have said, go to court for a CAO.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 18/09/2025 11:18

What’s your current living situation? Does he have parental responsibility? Are the children registered at nursery? Is his depression being treated by his GP, is he on any medication?

Reading between the lines of your posts the fact that he wants to remove the young children from your care and take them eight hours away is not a normal, well adjusted thing to suggest. It’s a red flag. I would assume this relationship has been unhealthy. Has he been emotionally or physically abusive to you?

MolluscMonday · 18/09/2025 11:20

You need a solicitor. Today.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 18/09/2025 11:22

You need legal advice.

As their parent he has the same rights as you do and can take them to see his parents in the salt country if he wants to.

Squishydishy · 18/09/2025 11:24

Is this for a visit or to move house?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/09/2025 11:25

You need to get legal advice. You may be able to get a prohibited steps order but no way can strangers on the internet advise you re this.

Tiswa · 18/09/2025 11:29

It is tricky as you both have rights but I would say don’t let him go and take them once you do it is harder.

the 8 hours away is too much so seek legal advice now and start the process

yiu have equal rights remember and the status quo tends to be preferred to him moving if that makes sense

Thisistyresome · 18/09/2025 11:32

If he is discussing separating assume that is where you are going. Seek legal advice. Get custody settled immediately. Moving them is a bad idea, if he is thinking it is not he is not making rational decisions.

ACR7 · 18/09/2025 11:33

From a legal standpoint if you’re in the uk and he is on the birth certificate he can take them aslong as he isn’t leaving the country. I’d get some proper legal advice

Teachingagain · 18/09/2025 11:35

HoskinsChoice · 18/09/2025 11:12

Poor kids!

He is of course as entitled as you are to fight for custody. You need to put your children's needs at the centre of your agreement. One of you is probably going to have to move as I can't see a true co-parenting relationship working when you are 8 hours apart.

Nope. The kids are entitled to a relationship with people but adults are entitled to anything.

Muffinmam · 18/09/2025 11:42

Whatinthedoopla · 18/09/2025 11:07

His parents live about 8 hours away.

Kids are toddlers

Show quote history

I have a background in family law.

You make an appointment with a family law solicitor immediately. If he takes your children it will be very hard and very expensive to get them back.

You need to get a Court order with primary custody based on your partner trying to take your toddler children away from you.

You need to do this immediately- he’s trying to take your children away from you. Don’t tell him you’re doing this.

Is your mother in law outside of your country?

Muffinmam · 18/09/2025 11:43

Whatinthedoopla · 18/09/2025 11:08

He suffers a lot with depression, and not able to look after the children 50%, let alone 100%.

Show quote history

Then you need to go for full custody with supervised visitation.

A good parent does not take toddler children away from their mother who loves and cares for them.

Achanceto · 18/09/2025 11:47

Thread title should be ‘our children’ not ‘my children’.
The children have a right to a relationship and time with both of their parents. (unless unsafe).

You need legal advice including mediation together (unless unsafe) to work through what are the best interests of your children.

Where is he going, within (I'm assuming England and Wales) that is eight hours from you? Where are you (roughly) @Whatinthedoopla