Can he take my children?

[Whatinthedoopla]

Hello,

My partner and I (not married) are having relationship issues, and he wants to take the kids to his parent's house to live in for a while.

I have told him I don't want the kids going, his mum has been nasty to the children, looking at them weirdly and not being very kind to them, so I really don't want them with them while I'm not there. Also, I don't want my children away from me.

I have told my partner I don't want him to take the children.

As we are not married, but he is their dad, can he do this? Or can I legally keep my children with me?

I'm just not sure on my rights

Get some proper advice. And stop referring to them as 'my' children - you don't own them, they have a father too.

I would work on the basis that you are already separated and apply to the court for a contact order setting out the arrangements for each of you to see the children. That way if he keeps them for longer than he is supposed to, you have the right to have them returned to you.

As he's named on the birth certificate, he has parental responsibility OP, the same as you. Here's some info' that may help your understanding: https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities
You should probably consult a solicitor with a view to having a Child Arrangements Order put in place, but you may not be able to stop him taking your children to visit his own parents - in fact, the family court may well view your children having a relationship with their grand-parents as a positive (even though grand-parents have no automatic right of access to their grand-children).

As your partner is on the children's birth certificate, then he has Parental Responsibility, as do you. Just because you are the Mother, it doesn't mean your Parental Responsibility trumps his. You are both equal parents in the eyes of the law, with equal Parental Responsibility. If you think there is a real danger your partner could leave you, taking the children to his Mum's 8 hours away, and not returning, then you need urgent legal advice. You can then get a Court order that states where the children's main residence is, and contact arrangements with the other parent. Without the Court order, the children's Dad can legally take them to his parents, and not return. Just as you could, take them 8 hours away from their Dad and not return. Of course, it could all be hot air, and he's trying to frighten you. However, it's no way to live, being terrified he might take them, so I suggest if you are separating you seek legal advice now.

Please for your own sanity and peace of mind make an appointment with a solicitor who practices in family law. Situations like this is their bread & butter. Most offer a free initial appointment.

She wouldn't be able to stop him taking them to visit their grandparents during his contact time, but she would be able to stop him taking them to live with their grandparents.

The danger she's in right now, as you correctly point out, is that he has parental responsibility and with no child arrangements order in place he can just take his kids away and the police will not intervene to get them back because the OP has no more right to them than he does. Whereas with a court order he will only be entitled to keep them for a certain amount of time and if he fails to return them at the end of his contact time he will be in breach of the court order.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom "She wouldn't be able to stop him taking them to visit their grandparents during his contact time, but she would be able to stop him taking them to live with their grandparents." Obviously, which is why I wrote "visit" in my post and not "live".

Yes but the point is that without a court order he can do either, and there is very little she can do about it. She could have to go to court to get them back.

As someone who left my ex during pregnancy and he was threatening to take my baby away from me - I just know the pain and suffering you’re going through. The fact that he is so adamant and possessive and not allowing you to even contribute your side because he is going to do it regardless, I would say this is a form of abuse and I would get advice from a woman’s abuse charity for support on what to do in this situation.

the thing is, I assume he’s on the birth certificate so if he did take the children and not give them back, the police would do nothing as he also has parental responsibility.

you haven’t said much else, but from his behaviour it seems like he is very controlling and potentially abusive - so I would maybe seek therapy for yourself to unpack things. When I was in the relationship and still after leaving I had no comprehension that I had been abused but after therapy and just years of understanding things, I realised that it was abuse but done in a way to manipulate and make me feel like everything was my fault so I never saw fault in him. Please just seek mental health support as dealing with someone who will control your life with kids just to hurt you, is a long road and it takes a toll on you

Yes, which is why I posted a link to reliable information and suggested she get a Child Arrangements Order from the Family Court via a solicitor. I'm not sure what you think I missed in my post, unless you just didn't read it carefully enough.

In which case why can't the OP just kick him out and change the locks, and make him go to court to get access like he would do to her?

We have no idea what OP's housing situation is. If she and her DP are renting and they're both named on the tenancy agreement she has no legal right to "just kick him out and change the locks" - the same applies if they jointly own their home. Even if she is the sole-named tenant, if she makes him homeless she would give him little option than to go and live with his parents eight hours away, so that really wouldn't help her as he might take the children with him and without a CAO in place she would have to go to court to get them back. In any case, why would OP want to escalate any enmity between them? They both need to act like the adults (and co-parents!) that they are and come to an agreement that is in the best interests of their children. Co-operation, mediation and agreement is what's needed now for the sanity and peace of all involved.

You need to seek legal advice asap. When he says to live with him. That means permanently. Fathers these days can take the children and don’t need to return them. It’s not right but it’s what can happen. You need to seek legal advice. Sooner rather than later. Because if he takes those children. He may not return them.

Get legal advise immediately but do not let him take the children to hus parents. Citizens Advice can point in the right direction.

OP I don’t want to scare you but my lawyer told me (when my eldest was a toddler) that if my ex took our daughter and refused to return her, if he could spin it out re court eg say he didn’t think I was safe parent, then children would stay with him until it had been investigated and even if it was proven to be lies, by then the status quo would be that they lived with him. I’d be saying no and taking legal advice asap

This.

He has equal parental rights. Unless there is clear evidence of criminal behaviour or a safeguarding issue that the council would step in to protect the children, you can't really do much about it in the same way as a mum taking the kids away from the father.

I would suggest family mediation services. This is why you SHOULD have married! Marriage makes the law stronger and care more clearly defined.

That is simply untrue. The court isn’t going to instruct the children to move tiny children eight hours away from their mother and home! He will be expected to move closer to them, so he can facilitate proper arrangements.

Nor will this happen if you are breastfeeding or they are very young. The decisions are made in the best interests of the children, not the parents. I would get an emergency hearing op, and a very good solicitor.

Whilst this is true, in the absence of a court order setting out the children's residency arrangements, he can just take them away and not give them back, and she'll need to go to court to get them back.

As you say, an emergency court hearing and ideally a decent lawyer are what the OP needs right now. Or, failing that, an emergency court hearing and a sensible friend who stays cool under pressure.

Tiny children not mentioned but still, they probably are not breastfeeding {which would help her case}. Rights of the father are the exact same for women. Unless they're a safeguarding issue, he has equal rights.

Agreed. The parents ‘rights’ are secondary. The primary consideration of the courts is the children’s rights and best interests. Often - not always - with small children, this in effect favours the primary carer - very often the mother as the court will prioritises their stability and well being.

How’s it going OP?