Can he take my children?

[Whatinthedoopla]

Hello,

My partner and I (not married) are having relationship issues, and he wants to take the kids to his parent's house to live in for a while.

I have told him I don't want the kids going, his mum has been nasty to the children, looking at them weirdly and not being very kind to them, so I really don't want them with them while I'm not there. Also, I don't want my children away from me.

I have told my partner I don't want him to take the children.

As we are not married, but he is their dad, can he do this? Or can I legally keep my children with me?

I'm just not sure on my rights

You make an appointment with a family law solicitor immediately. If he takes your children it will be very hard and very expensive to get them back.

This.

Though it's less being married more about him being on birth certificate and having parental rights that impact what he can or can't do but either way* *you need proper legal advice as soon as possible.

This. It will depend on the circumstances but it will be much easier to stop him taking them in advance than to get them back once he's already taken them.

But you need legal advice.

Go visit a solicitor.

How is it so easy for one parent to take children away but so difficult for another to take them back? It seems insane.

You can’t afford to delay getting legal advice. Maybe you could get a prohibited steps order or something to prevent him removing the children from your home and your custody as primary carer.

In the meantime maybe hide/ lose his car keys / play for time.

I would imagine the issue is that op is reasonable and doesn't want to do it in a way that may cause distress to the children. In theory anyone could just pick a small child up and leave but any decent parent will know that's detrimental to the child unless they're removing them from abuse or other risk of harm.

Well until there is court order i presume one owner doesn't own the children over another perhaps?

OP, his parents living 8 hours away… is that in another country?

Is this a situation where a Prohibited Steps Order could help?

Where are you living if they are 8 hours away? Which country are you in and are the parents in the same country?
You do need to be more specific on here because the majority of posters are from the UK and will give advice based on a UK law perspective, but if you're in the US or Australia then the law will be different.

If he is on BC he can take them and you would need to go to court to get them back.

Do not allow him to take the children to his parents. It’s a very long way away and would disrupt them.

I would apply for a child arrangment order (put it as an urgent one, they may reject it but worth a try) and a prohibited steps order. You will be expected to attend MIAM (unless safeguarding concerns). If I remember correctly, you can bypass MIAM if an urgent child arrangements order is accepted. I’m sure the solicitor told me you could get an urgent one within a few days where as the usual wait is months.

Self represent if money is an issue. It should cost around £250 for the court order (not including MIAM sessions).

I highly doubt a judge would grant him to move 8 hours away especially if he has mental health problems. It wouldn’t be in the best interest of the children.

Forgot to add, if his parents are in another country, check that the country is a member of The Hague convention. If it isn’t, a CAO or Prohibited steps order will not stop him getting them out of the country. If you have concerns he would take them abroad without your consent you need to contact the police and get them to put a port alert on their passports.

Please ignore all the people here telling you what you/he can or can't do. Go get legal advice immediately.

Without knowing even the country you're in, there's no way anyone here can advise you, even if they were qualified to, which let's face it, 99% of us aren't.

If you're in the UK and you're not married to the father, things like whether he's listed as the father on the children's birth certificates will make a big difference, because it will determine whether he has parental responsibility or not. Which is why you need legal advice. In the UK, Citizen's Advice may be able to point you in the right direction. Do it now - if you wait and he takes the kids, that will be a much harder thing to undo.

Is he on the birth certificate?

It sounds as though his DM would be looking after them. If it would be residence at here's rather than his own place then a court would not be happy. Also, they generally want very young children to stay with their mother.

Get a residence order for them to stay with you and he can visit. You need a lawyer.

I think it would probably help if you say where you are OP

You need to be sure of what you are saying here and there needs to be actual evidence of this. It cannot just be your view, and it cannot be based on 'looks.'

Family court will punish you if you refuse contact with a parent who is not a proven direct risk to them.

Standard shared care will be Friday school pickup and Monday drop off. One night in the week and half the holidays.

I suggest that you get a court order. File a C100 and write a position statement which asks for the above to be set out and rubber stamped in court.

He will file what he wants and it should be what I set out there as that is standard. If he asks for more than that he won't get it.

But if you go into court saying 'his mum looks at me weird and he can't look after our kids' then they will ask you 1, why if that's the case you haven't removed them from him sooner, and 2, what evidence you even have of this.

Do not let him take the kids to your parents though because it seems he wants to keep them away from you and then tell court that they are settled in a routine that will not include you so that he can use that to ask for more time and for you to be the non-resident parent.

You have to take emotions out of this. A C100 is free of charge or free of charge if you are on a certain income. Let him know you will file it and want the access set out clearly so you are both accountable.

Since he has PR if he decided not to return the children then you would only be able to get them back via a court order. So get it done now instead. Then you are both accountable to the order and if he didn't return them you would have more chance of police helping you to get them back.

not clear at all if he intends to go wih the children or just send them there? Either way probably technically yes. Obviously that's not acceptable, you need legal advice I think

8 hours away probably means a different country even if a different part of the UK so whatever is the law where you are possibly doesnt apply where they are

He is.

We are in the UK, and his parents live in the UK

go seek legal advice ASAP

you have a gut feeling .............. go with it

8hrs your havin a massive laugh at your and your kids expense.

The safety of the children is paramount. Apply for an urgent court order via a solicitor stating he is unfit to care for them. In the meantime change the locks, ring doorbell and stay with them at all times. If they attend nursery advise them immediately of the court proceedings and don’t allow him to be named as an authorised person to collect them.

Call a solicitor today op. Hide their passports and take his threats seriously, he doesn’t sound well.

Yes

I think it’s unlikely he will be granted custody with serious mental health problems as you describe and be based 8 hours away. The children will be expected by the courts to be kept close to home, with as little disruption to their normal routine as possible.

I echo other posters about seeking immediate legal advice.
As he is on the birth certificate, he has the same parental responsibility as you so if he took them and would not bring them back - you would need to go to court. So best to do it now, and hopefully prevent it happening at all or at least knowing that if it did you have started the process already.

My ex now lives 12 hours from me and our daughter - his choice, but we are in the UK. It's definitely not ideal and has really messed up his relationship with our daughter. I hope your partner/ex partner will rethink what he is considering.
I know you mentioned depression - could he be in a crisis? As I feel like it's not very rational to think about moving the kids 8 hours away from you. He isn't considering their needs.

However in terms of whether he can look after them, I think you do need to be careful how you phrase it unless you have genuine safeguarding concerns. I have mental health issues but I also am a single parent to two children and whilst it can be incredibly hard, I can push through so much for my children. So I think it can be difficult to be saying he can't look after the children because it might be that he just doesn't right now as you are there as well to look after them, so he essentially does not have to. Potentially weaponised incompetence type thing. (As I say though minus any safeguarding concerns)

I am sorry you are going through this and your children too. You must be extremely worried right now. I know I would be and I hope you can get good legal support.

If he has serious mental health problems that made him a danger to the children she would have removed them already.

If he doesn't then they will not preclude him from having regular meaningful contact with his children.

I missed out mediation in my reply sorry. You need to apply for that. Whilst there note your differences. Go armed with your position statement and schedule that you would like to have. It has to be as close to shared time as is possible. Ask the mediator to iron out gaps.

If they cannot be ironed out file the C100. I meant to say it's about £250 or free if you are less than about 2K/month.

Calling him unfit won't wash and will go against you, unless he's a proven direct risk to THOSE children.