Husband not been paying tax for years

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I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

A lot of set up don't pay tax in the 1st year but if you underestimate your earnings in the second year you get hammered. That's where a lot of the problems start snowballing.

Your son is right. Get a lawyer. Leave.

I don't think the son really has a trust fund. That's just a term they have called it to make it sound middle class. Think it's just a savings account they were paying into from the sounds of it. Lots of parents set up savings accounts for their children with dreams of being able to present them with thousands when they are older. Generally life gets in the way though. The mistake they made was telling the son about it before they could actually give it to him

Also depends on what the director has used to secure loans for the business. Most businesses need seed money and the bank will secure it against your house.

All of this ^

Plus this from an earlier poster:

” I can't understand women who absolve themselves of that simple adult responsibility.”

Your excuses for behaving with child-like ignorance ran out the day you were appointed company secretary and the FIRST time the debt collectors came to call.

You knew your DH had got himself in a mess with money and you didn’t step up.

You should have been insisting on getting across everything and doing everything together. Why weren’t you saying “never again”?????

Instead you have been content to leave him with the burden of it all and now you are moaning it has happened again. Whilst living n an 8 bed apartment and driving a Porsche!!!

This isn’t even that insurmountable. A household income of £150k is hardly the Wolf of Wall Street territory. Neither is a debt of £150k .

I’m no doubt boring and pedantic, but OP describes her house as “eight apartment” which doesn’t mean eight bedrooms. It’s how estate agents might describe a house with eight rooms eg five bedrooms and three reception rooms.

I think that gives it a slightly different perspective. A similarly sized house where I live would be around 300k.-350 asking price.

She confirmed it was 8 bedroom though.

Basically, OP, you put your head in the sand.
You believed what your H had told you, after the first tax claim.
You never followed up and he lied.
It sounded odd to me that a tax bill by HMRC for £500K was somehow reduced to £64k by tax accountants. That's one massive reduction- and it turns out the real bill was £150K.

You've shown almost childish disregard for your responsibility and joint finances.

You're equally in the mire with all of this because claiming ignorance is no defence.

You're an adult woman in your 50s who has lived (by all accounts) a pretty cushy life, based on fraud.

If you're honest with yourself, I think you should admit you turned a blind eye to what was happening.

The only way out is to come up with a plan to repay the tax, which may mean you get a job, or sell your house and downsize, or both.

There is a difference between LOSSES of a LTD company and outstanding tax.
If he owes £150K in tax, the company has been making a profit it would seem.

You have an 8 bedroom house and a Porsche and your husband is using your son’s money and pawning off rings to pay his debt?? How utterly bizarre and no wonder your son is pissed off.

You have such an easy solution here (relatively- I know selling up and uprooting isn’t a walk in the park). The fact that you didn’t do this immediately when the debts first came up but rather dipped into your savings for you son makes it very clear that as a couple, you are not accepting the position you’re in: you need to scale down your lifestyle.

Look at it this way - had your husband been paying taxes, you would have had a slightly less luxurious lifestyle over the years anyway. Your current level of living was never rightfully ‘yours’ to begin with. Sell the car, sell the house, pay off your debts, live within your actual means.

Insist on full access to the company accounts as a condition of your marriage remaining intact.

Give your son the savings you’d been putting aside for him back once you’ve downsized. Your husband is clearly irresponsible financially and that money will be in better hands with your son.

You’re in a shit position and a part of me feels for you but be an adult and sort it out. Stop leaving it to your husband, who is clearly either an idiot or a fraud.

I genuinely cannot fathom the level of naivety it takes to think a salary of £130k a year would afford that lifestyle. Fair enough the OP’s husband is a liar and potentially a fraudster but how can a grown woman living in the world think £130k a year would buy an 8 bed house and a Porsche? It’s bizarre. My household income is just over half that amount and we’re in a three bed and don’t even have a car!

Yes that's why I think she is complicit in this whole thing. At best she closed her ears, at worst knew exactly what was going on and was living the high life thinking they'd never get caught and is now panicking because they have been

It’s not unusual at all to negotiate tax debt down. How much would it cost the revenue to take a lawyered up individual to court for the £500k? It’s worth the negotiation. Plus, they often throw out wild debts initially to cause panic stress and drama to get engagement.

so? It’s done now. It’s not uncommon to close your ears over the years when life is so nice. Why are you admonishing her about it? It’s just part of the story that got them here

That's a strange response. OP has literally said she's spent years cleaning and running the home and looking after the family so why wouldn't cleaning and care jobs be a fair suggestion, as well as the fact that they're the jobs that are often available and with a low bar to entry, necessary as the OP is getting nowhere with jobs that have a higher bar. I agree with PP that TA jobs are harder to get, but it's not a mad suggestion for most mums who want a part-time gig, and it's not the big insult or shaming move you seem to be framing it as.

Because there's a difference between ' my husband lied to me' and ' I knew what he was telling me couldn't possibly be true but I thought we could get away with it's.

OP says: "8 apartment house does indeed mean 8 bedrooms". Even she admits it's excessive!

It's not just murderers, rapists, and paedophiles who need to be locked up for good; it's people like these who quite simply destroy lives and leave pain and misery in their wake.

And it’s you who gives that truth to OP is it? She needs to reflect herself on her role in this situation. It might take years, it might never happen. But what won’t help is a compete stranger admonishing her

It’s worth bearing in mind that that’s unlikely to be the whole story before.

That's all conjecture from you @Bambamhoohoo
You clearly have no idea how debts are collected , courts, or the fact they may throw out 'wild sums'.

I doubt they used a lawyer- more likely an accountant.

5 years of outstanding tax don't appear overnight. The H would have had reminders constantly and chose to ignore.

But I don’t think the OP will fit those either.she clearly hasn’t had an involvement in the business or she would know it no longer exists - and being on hand for your parents is very different to dealing intimately with strangers. Actually what OP might like and be good at is something like Home instead - which is less physical caring and more a helping hand. I most certainly don’t think these jobs are ‘shaming’ but you do see it on here a lot as the first reaction when people need to get a job ‘quick’ and don’t have obvious skills, so presumably other people think they have a low barrier to entry too - whereas I personally feel it might serve OP better if she spends a short bit of time being up to date on a PC and getting the house ready for sale -

She says the house was modest but had been extended (not sure if it was by them or former owners.)
And as it's up north it may not be worth that much depending on the area.

Everyone's saying sell the house, no one (except maybe OP) would disagree with that, and sure it makes sense to get better with the tech, but I don't understand what this means: Actually what OP might like and be good at is something like Home instead - which is less physical caring and more a helping hand. Is it a typo? Not sure what job your suggesting but either way, she needs a job and as the ones she's tried haven't happened, the net needs to widen one way or another.

I don't know why everyone is fixating on what kind of job she can do.

She's not said she really wants a job.

She said they could remortgage.
You can get mortgages right through to your 70s now, so £150K over another 20 years is doable depending on their current mortgage outgoings.

Otherwise, size down a bit.