Husband not been paying tax for years

[Shitsinthepost77]

I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

Has any of the tax been paid back since last year?
Was that a typo or do you have an 8 bed apartment? If so, the solution is to sell and downsize. Tbh i don't understand your or his reaction, for the amount he earns and the assets you have, it's not really a huge sum and can be paid back.
With your DH's reaction I would be very concerned there is more dept you are not aware of.

@Shitsinthepost77 you are where you are.

You say you’ve got equity in the house, so the practical issue of dealing with the debt is sorted. You are ‘lucky’ that you can remortgage.

Next you need to put all domestic finances in your name and manage them, including the house. If your husband has an issue with money then you need to protect your remaining assets. I’d tell your husband that you want a forensic accountant to look into your financial affairs as his lying means you can’t trust there isn’t more to come.

Then you need a plan to make sure this doesn’t happen again. What is he going to do to address his issues? What are you going to do to ensure you’ve got a grip on financial matters?

Good to see you are looking for work…that will help give you some financial independence.

As for your son… stop telling him everything, you are burdening him with your marital issues and that is not fair.

Edited to add, if your husband has a pension, I’d check he hasn’t blown that as well…

I think the problem is that OP isn’t very responsible with money. The fact they have 300k minimum equity and yet she put asking family as an option

Does your mum know that you spent her money on rehab.

No but he did. If you're willing to now stay with him that makes you just as bad particularly as it's obvious he'll never change.

Why the heck are you prioritising getting a watch back when you need to prioritise getting the house on the market and leaving the prick. With an 8 bed house sold you'd presumably have enough to pay off the debts and each buy a small house/flat post divorce.

I don't understand why you haven't worked for 20+ years.

If that was me I'd leave this marriage ASAP. Your husband is a compulsive liar. He has ripped his family's future away and is incapable of telling the truth. That would be a deal breaker for me. You need to get back your share of the house and get a job or you will retire with nothing. The debt collectors will have the whole house if you stay with him.

This 100% and always be aware of the family finances. Being a kept woman and being left in the dark is massively naive.

I have a suspicion that OP will never work. She will be particular about what work she will do and turn her nose down at most minimum wage jobs. I don’t think the drive is there.

Are you sure he's not using prostitute -or any other addictions - you really need to see all his bank statements from him - you would be naive not too given the crisis you are in - he's clearly very capable of lying straight to your face.

Leave him. You can't stay with someone this untrustworthy. Even your son can see that. You’ll never have peace of mind again if you stay.

But can’t you say the same of OP who hid a drug addiction for a long time and led to financial issues

if it is a strong marriage and they have both been untrustworthy then aren’t they the best to support each other!!

I’ve not read all the thread but was he a sole trader or a limited company? The numbers aren’t adding up at all and if it was a limited company that went into liquidation, the tax debt would be in that entity. He needs some proper advice.

Hmm, sounds like a shocking situation to be in OP. If I were you I’d set up a cleaning business and get advertising locally. Where I live any new cleaner who is good gets a full list within a matter of weeks. You at least have experience with that and wouldn’t have to wait for someone else to hire you when you , by your own admission, have a scant CV. I’m not being flippant, I have done this in a time when we were skint and it saved our bacon. It would certainly pay more than a TA job and you could get it going in a matter of days. Time to take back control of your own earning potential. Regarding the other stuff - there are lots of previous posters with great advice about the legal / accountancy side of things. The real problem is that you can’t trust anything he says right now and full disclosure is the only option. Gone are the days of taking his word for it. And no matter how much you love him, these lies may be beyond what any relationship can survive.

IF any of this is true, the drug habit was not quite as some people imagine.

I assume OP was addicted to morphine type drugs because she took something prescribed after an injury and couldn't get off it.

This is very common and it's well documented that too many people get addicted to opiates, prescribed initially within the NHS but allowed to continue too long- then they buy it on the black market.

Having said that she says she was spending up to £1500 a month on drugs which if her H was running a successful business is not going to break the bank.

I don't find much of what she says credible anyway but the thread is still here.

Let's just have an evening recap shall we? The OP and her H owe about £150k. They also need to repay their son. They have a large house to sell or remortgage. There are many painless changes they can make to sort themselves out which is great - money gives you those options doesn't it - and despite OP's protestations she can get some sort of job if needs be.

Both H and OP have done things that have risked their relationship and no doubt affected their son. But seems they can salvage their lives together which the OP clearly wants to do and try to repair their relationship with their son (which I think will be a lot harder - we're not hearing much about him in all this).

They have money, albeit invested in their house. They can stop the drama and sort this out. I think there's absolutely nothing to see here.

If your H made it look as if had resigned from the company that if fraud.
Companies House has a chain of any changes to a company. YOU would have to resign from being the CS.

The other thing is that anyone running a business usually has an accountant to sign of annual accounts and oversee the legal side of what needs filing to HMRC.

Did your H never employ an accountant?

what kind of business was it?

Was it an actual business or was it just him setting up a LTD company for tax reasons and protection if it all went pear shaped?

You don't appear to know the basics, but if you google his name and the name of the company you should find it all online on companies house @Shitsinthepost77

I don't know who suggested that TA jobs were easy to come by but where I live they are like gold dust. So many parents want that job to fit in with school hours.
They often go to parents with young children or to parents who have volunteered in schools.
I doubt very much someone mid 50s who's not set foot in a school for decades would even be considered.

Exactly this!! Living in a 8 bedroom house driving a flash car! You must have lots of other “ valuables “ lying around get them sold! Downsize, sell everything, sod your husbands watch that’s his problem buy an 3 bed house buy a normal car, get a job! Even then you’d have more than most of us!

I'm wondering how your H accessed your son's money that was a child trust fund when your son is now 21.

OP, if you're for real, then as people have said, something isn't adding up here. I'd be open to the possibilities that either you've misunderstood or your husband hasn't told you everything.

None of this really adds up. You need to stop being melodramatic and get to work finding out actual facts. Who owes the tax? Your H or the company? The fact the debt collectors came to the house would suggest it's your H.

Make him (or his accountant) tell you exactly what the debts are, and who they're owed to.

Then go to a solicitor and get advice. Your half of the house is at risk (although actually if you're tenants in common, maybe you'll be ok? Someone with more expertise than me can advise).

fwiw my exH failed to pay his taxes (he was a self employed contractor) and is facing bankruptcy. Luckily for me we were divorced so my house isn't at risk, but my credit record has been affected (and his ability to pay for his children has been too....).

How much was the OP spending though she says she never overspent which I take as she never went overdrawn but any surplus she happily spent (and @ScarletVelvetSlippers 1500 a month on prescription drugs is a lot).

I suspect the business stopped doing quite so well with a recession hit the OP spending was still a lot and rather than saving money to spent it on a tax bill he simply stopped doing it.

I disagree that this is all the husbands fault I think there is enough in the posts to make inferences as to exactly how it happened and I suspect the OP spending and lifestyle was a factor

honesty is needed now and a reigning in of the lifestyle

You both need to face up to this. He needs to be totally honest and allow you full access to all accounts and to employ an accountant (surely he has one, possibly completely incompetent?!) There’s no hiding from this.

Check to make sure there is not a charge against the house with land registry.
Hmrc do not hang around for years where there are large sums and assets

I love how you're in dire straits and you say you wish you had a part-time job. What about a full-time job?

What about selling up your house and car and getting something cheaper and reimbursing your son?

Your husband is as daft as you are - you've been living massively above your means and haven't had the sense to question your finances. He's the one who's lied etc but come on, his salary isn't in Porsche territory, particularly as he has to support you and your son.