To think not giving kids a phone is now seen as neglectful

[cadburyegg]

My y6 has started to go to the park after school with friends sometimes. He has a Nokia brick phone but doesn’t want to take it to school so he goes without a phone. I don’t track him with the likes of an AirTag either. Met up with my friend last week who tracks her kids when they go to all their clubs and friends houses - they are younger so obviously supervised by an adult 24/7 and she clearly disagrees with me not having any device on my DS. She kept saying but what if something happens.

He has his school residential coming up and parents are shocked that phones are not allowed and as such they can’t contact their kids for 2 days.

My colleagues all track their adult children (well into their 20s) and last week my colleague panicked because she couldn’t see where her 23 year old son was.

I feel like this is just becoming the norm now and kids not having smartphones is now seen as downright neglectful?? AIBU?

I think you are ahead of the curve and that most parents/schools will be discouraging phones for under 16s soon enough. There are a lot of campaigns in this direction.

When I went on a residential over 20 years ago we were expected to use the phone at the facility to check in with our parents. We sort of had slots of time to do it. 2 days is quite a long time to be out of contact with your parent/child at that age so I can see why there's a bit of a fuss. But it doesn't have to be smart phones or nothing.

I think that many people are coming away from smartphones, especially for children.

I don’t track any of my children although I do have an AirTag for my car keys.

I think the tide is turning and people are hopefully becoming more aware of the harm being done to children by being tracked.

Wow, the school are actually banning phones for a couple of days? Good on them. Wouldn't have occurred to me they would even try. Because, yes, a lot of people these days seem to think not letting kids have phones is a form of abuse. Madness.

What sort of wet lettuce of a twentysomething lets their parents track them? What normal young adult wouldn't just laugh their arse off if they even suggested it? This is exactly what this sort of ludicrous helicoptering leads to. We've got adults who have been absolutely emotionally stunted by this nonsense.

YANBU. I agree with other posters as well. My child is currently abroad on their residential and no contact for three nights. They don’t have a phone so couldn’t contact me even if they were allowed!

It’s very hard but it’s part of life. We’ve become completely obsessed with 24/7 contact and tracking. We’ve lost touch on reality.

Your colleagues track their adult children?! I’d say that’s the concern. Your DC sounds resilient and sensible, will be able to manage in life without the umbilical cord still attached.

That's not my experience, but I think a big social class divide is opening up on this issue. In my area the lefty, upper middle class families are all giving their kids brick phones and delaying smartphones until well into secondary. Those that do give smartphones (because they're needed for the bus or something), are giving ones without social media.

Most schools here ban smartphones and watches altogether until Y9 and upwards. Dumb phones have to be handed in each day.

I had never even thought about tracking my teenage child and was shocked when a friend told me about her tracking of her child at university. Then I found out that loads of people I know track the whole family. I just can't get my head round all of this, but it seems that around people I know I am weird for not tracking all my family members.

Oh God, people have gone bloody mad. What's wrong with everyone?
It's totally abnormal to be tracking their movements. For Christ sake.
What message does that send out to these kids? It teaches them that they're not safe and need to be monitired/tracked/contacted wherever they go and whatever they do.
Bloody ridiculous and unhealthy.
OP they're mad.
You're normal.
Let that sink in.
And as for PGL, my DD went in May this year, end of year 6 celebrations. Nobody was allowed to take a phone for a 3 day 2 night trip. Phones are banned at PGL/residential trips by the companies themselves. Not the schools' decision. Good. Quite right too.
DD went. And survived 3 days without contact with me at the age of 10 and it was fine. They were all fine without their phones.
Kids are fine without phones.

Judging by a recent long thread on this, adults tracking other adults is completely normal, even desirable for many people.

Totally agree. I’m struggling at the moment as my 8 year old wants one because most of her friends have one but I think I they’re really dangerous and that she’s far too young.

Lol-ing at fitting the description of “lefty upper middle class” for the first time in my life (thanks @Stewberman) while also fitting the description of ‘neglectful’ as per the OP. DC’s old school and new one banned phones entirely for juniors including on the yr4 residential and yr6 residential.
I have no plans to track as they get older either, DH and I don’t location share, I find it a bit intrusive tbh

How can a child under adult supervision be neglected by not having a phone? Tracking on school trips and at clubs is ridiculous and intrusive. I do think if they’re out in public alone it’s helpful for them to be able to call for help - thinking of the time my DC was with a mate who split his head open and had no idea what to do next - but if you personally don’t want to give them a smart phone give them a brick.

My kid has a smartphone - no social media, only approved apps, switched off at school and handed to me from 9pm until after breakfast. They have a smartphone rather than brick for when they catch a bus alone (ticket on phone, timetable is on an app) and so I can track them cycling 4 miles to school. I could argue that the parents who won’t let their secondary school aged kid cycle or have a phone but drive them to school and never let them out of adult supervision are neglectful in another way…

I will not be tracking my kids as adults, that’s just weird.

Look up the smartphonefreechildhood page on Instagram/web. Lots of good, positive useful info giving parents the confidence to not giving their child a smartphone.

There's a black mirror episode about this.

My 9 year old doesn't have a phone but also doesn't go anywhere by himself yet. I will get him a phone for when he's out and about by himself but not planning on tracking him.

My 12yo recently had phone issues which left him unable to catch the bus using his phone app with pass linked in (and had lost his emergency £5) and was unable to phone me. He had to walk 3 miles home. Not a critical incident, but not an ideal situation either. There is nowhere in that walk where it's possible to make an emergency phone call and the world has changed from when I was his age in the early 90s.

Smart phones are useful tools with access to maps, timetables etc and increasingly the world is assuming that people have access to them by default. They have their pitfalls too and do need treating with caution.

When my DCs are away on school/ scouting trips, the leaders will be in touch if any issues arrive. I trust those leaders and all the organisational protocols they've gone through to organise the trip so I don't need the DCs to be directly contactable. No news is good news.

I don't routinely track my DCs. I won't say never, but it hasn't been needed yet. I have used tracking features when I've been running so the DCs can check where I am if they want... they don't.

Setting my two up with phones at Christmas y6 was at the late end of their classes. Many had phones by y5. I saw no need for it until they were building independence and preparing for secondary school.

It's difficult to balance online safety with the realities of life in 2025.

Goodness, when I was a child we survived just fine and our parents trusted our common sense and the adults in charge of us to look after us. Went camping with guides on Dartmoor age 10 for a week - no phone. Travelled by coach between Devon and Dorset, with a loo and snack stop, and a later change of coach age 11 alone...
There are children, and there are infants. Most children age 7 and over have a fair amount of common sense IMO and should be given increasing chance to take responsibility for looking after themselves.

smartphones are so so so bad for children

I would say its the exact opposite. Its seen as far more neglectful to give them a smartphone.

I would say the opposite. 5 years ago phones were ubiquitous. Now, more and more parents are not giving in.

Adults in their TWENTIES being tracked?? Surely not? Unless it’s some sort of family thing where they can also see their spouse and each other? If not then that’s ridiculous.

I have a sort of love/hate relationship with smartphones. They are useful in so many ways. They are an integral part of modern life now. But they are also addictive, can cause no end of problems with teens, social media is full of brain rot. Too many secondary schools also insist on homework/timetables/bus passes being on apps as well.

And quite right that they shouldn't. They should be experiencing all the residential has to offer, not on the phone to mummy and daddy all day.
If you have an emergency you can contact the school and they will contact the leaders. And likewise, if there is an emergency their end, you will be contacted.

YANBU. No dc here yet but we've already discussed keeping kids on brick phones unless absolutely necessary until some point in senior school. I hate the idea of tracking too. I have a weak ankle and have had falls so I can see scenarios where I'd use it, but not as a standard.

I had such a free childhood. My parents weren't soft touches but they weren't too strict, I had a lot of privacy. In this regard it saddens me how much stricter and less free we know we would have to be as a baseline, due to technology.

I’ve never tracked my kids, I just never felt the need. I’d have absolutely despised my parents tracking me. I see parents on the University facebook group (that’s largely for parents) posting saying they can’t sleep until they’ve checked their DC is home or watching their tracking for ages, wondering why they are at such and such a place. It’s unhealthy. My kids came home from school on the bus at 11 and they just sent me a text when they arrived home. Later I had a ring so could see they’d arrived home. That was sufficient for me.