To think not giving kids a phone is now seen as neglectful

[cadburyegg]

My y6 has started to go to the park after school with friends sometimes. He has a Nokia brick phone but doesn’t want to take it to school so he goes without a phone. I don’t track him with the likes of an AirTag either. Met up with my friend last week who tracks her kids when they go to all their clubs and friends houses - they are younger so obviously supervised by an adult 24/7 and she clearly disagrees with me not having any device on my DS. She kept saying but what if something happens.

He has his school residential coming up and parents are shocked that phones are not allowed and as such they can’t contact their kids for 2 days.

My colleagues all track their adult children (well into their 20s) and last week my colleague panicked because she couldn’t see where her 23 year old son was.

I feel like this is just becoming the norm now and kids not having smartphones is now seen as downright neglectful?? AIBU?

it was great when mine went on a residential with no phones although many parents didn’t agree.
My daughter has a phone and has done since end of year 5. As soon as she started walking home from school we wanted her to have one. Maybe yes weird we teach her but it gives us peace of mind although we expect her to check with us about where she can go.
She uses it to contact and keep in contact with friends. We limit it and have rules like not at the table, not when we’re out, away at a certain time.

Residential in the early 90s involved no phones at all. We didn’t contact our parents at all and everyone survived.

The world has gone mad.

You do need to remember when we where kids there where phone boxes now there isn't i do think a mobile is a necessity for children when they are out and about

It’s quite normal for people to track their adult children. If you don’t have adult children you won’t understand, but worry for their safety doesn’t end the day they turn 18.
I don’t track my children everyday but when they on a night out or on holiday I do. Also their boyfriends/girlfriends track them so if I wanted to know where they are I would be able to.

I’m in between the two. For school residentials I think it’s absolutely fine that phones aren’t allowed, but if my DC are walking somewhere on their own then I do like to track them so I know they have arrived. Mine didn’t get phones until they started secondary.

I don’t know how it’s perceived but my children won’t be having smart phones. Also I think by the time they are old enough for this to be a question social media will have heavier restrictions for under 16’s in the UK.

No phones on a residential is normal and v important. You stick with your phone policy OP.

It is completely crazy. Some friends of ours tracked their children on school trips etc from Reception age with air tags on their backpacks.
My oldest (year 5) is incessantly asking for a mobile phone, she has clearly been told by us that she won't get one until secondary school in 2 years time, gave seen that several of her friends have them. I can see it's a social divide as someone mentioned above - the children of professional/higher income families don't have them, many of the lower income families children do have them.

I think your way will be the more common. I also think when you have younger children it’s difficult to imagine the next step so what they say now might not be what they do.

I do track my year 5 DD but she is more vunerable due to SEN and walks to school and back with friends.

He can call or text in an emergency, which is the actual purpose of a phone.
Tracking apps don’t prevent anything bad from happening; they just give parents more peace of mind.

DS got a phone in year 6. He didn't really 'play out' at that time so I haven't bothered with a tracker as yet. Its been useful for him to have it starting year 7 when picking up and a club was cancelled. He's not addicted to his phone though but I think I'm just lucky on this.

Completely agree on no phones for primary trips.

They are allowed phones at secondary...switched off in bag all day and strict on this rule. I think this is at the lenient end of the scale but I'm fine with this.

I didn't have a phone growing up but I did have a charge card you could use in a phone box and I remember using it to call my Mum so I assume it must have been at least useful even if not a necessity. There are no phone boxes now.

Clearly obsessive checking of an adult's location isnt healthy but I think the concept of general tracking through life 360 and the like needs to be viewed in terms of the current time. It's become a cultural norm to link phones for convenience...it doesnt mean obsessive tracking and I think it's hard for an older generation who've never used it to 'get' this.

If DS wants to check his school emails or timetable for the following day, it's easier to use the app than log in to the website.

My DD age 16 has had a phone for years, she first got one early in Year 6, but I have certainly never used it to track her. In primary school she couldn’t use it to contact me during the day. Now in high school she does use it to contact me sometimes, but she knows she is not supposed to, and phone use is banned in school. It’s unhealthy - back in my day if there was a problem at school, I had to figure it out for myself e.g. just manage without something if I’d forgotten to bring it.

As for people who track young adults like those in their 20s, that’s just weird. I can’t imagine why the young adults would consent to that.

Of course it's not ''normal" to track your adult"children ",my oldest DD was 55 last week, should I be tracking her! Twenty years ago at work I caused a ferror , because my colleagues all said children by the age of 8 should have a mobile phone, because they might get grabbed by someone and would need to contact you. I said I didn't think a potential kidnapper would let them say "hang on a minute, I just need to ring my mum, and that you would be more likely to be attacked for the phone. Course, when we had landlines our kids were on sleepovers or at friends houses,you could check, then with mobiles,you asked them where they were, they could tell you anything. One particular woman did track every movement of her daughter in her late twenties. I wonder if she managed to cut the apron strings

We have life360 but, generally, it’s my teenagers tracking me not the other way around! I don’t actually look at it unless they are very late or I hear about a traffic issue when they’re due home. They use it to monitor which supermarket I’m going to and to send me loud alerts so I notice their text requests for specific food items 🙄

My youngest is 11, she wasn’t going to have a phone but I relented when I was recommended an app to lock everything down on it and limit the time she can spend on it (Qustudio). She’s got it so she can call me if she’s going to be late back or there is a change of plan with friends (and there’s always a change of plan!} She doesn’t have access to social media and won’t until she’s 14 at least.

Same around here, brick phone + air tag for the majority of the children I know.
The private secondaries near us also lock the kids smartphones during the school day. And encourage not sending them with one at all.

DS is on a Y7 residential: devices allowed on the coach but locked away for the stay there. Not an
issue, there is a landline if needed.

Tracking adult children is insane.

DS15 has a mobile phone, has had one since 10yo but still hardly uses the thing. He often forgets about it. I am pleased that he is this way. He has many outside interests so doesn't obsess over it. The XBox however 🙄😂

DS10 has one to play games via WiFi in the house. There's no SIM on it. DS8 is the same. No SIM. No social media. They are not allowed to watch YT unsupervised.

18yo DS said he has found it difficult to put his phone down at times and said he doesn't like the way the world is now. He got a phone aged 12. None of us could have predicted how bad they are.

Yes indeed. Nobody bats an eyelid when my colleagues talk about tracking their adult kids.

I think people are more aware of the dangers of social media more but the tide is certainly not turning fast enough round where I live. I’m definitely in the minority for not giving my child a smartphone nor an AirTag.

My DS took his brick phone round the summer fete and one of his friends laughed at it and said “I wouldn’t want to take that out with me”. He left it at a different friend’s house over the summer and when the parent returned it she said she thought it was a toy phone.

The secondary he will go to insist phones are off during the school day at least.

When I went on my residential at primary school we didn't contact home at all. I didn't speak to my parents all week. I wouldn't expect my daughter to have a phone with her on hers or to use a phone there to phone us either tbh. Not that I would actively discourage it, I just would expect it.

I don't doubt many parents find the idea of taking phones from kids somehow a bad thing, you only need to look at some of the mental excuses for pushing back against school bans. I think many more are becoming supporting of it and it's brilliant when your kid is in a friend group where the other parents also minimise phone use.

My daughter (y5) has an airtag in her school bag.
School don’t allow phones/smart watches either in school or on residential.
She has a kids smartwatch for weekends when she walks to her friends or the park.
She’ll get a phone when she goes to secondary school.

My 8yo just came back from several days at PGL (on his own, no accomoanying friends, no phone). He bloody loved it. I'm very proud he's confident enough to go and do scary things independently-make friends, try new activities, different food, sleep in a strange place. In my opinion, to be a successful parent you should be aiming for independence and competence in your DC (as well as being kind, a good friend etc etc and excepting where these things aren't possible due to additional needs).

He knew he could ring using the centre phone at any time if he asked an instructor.

No way is he having a phone until mid secondary.

The amount of shocked faces I got from friends, along with a few who outright questioned my parenting was 😱🤣

Why do parents need a university Facebook group?

I have a year 6 child and I don’t recognise that at all. DS has a smart watch he can call and text us (only) from and I feel quite neglectful/reckless even giving him that. Some of the girls in his class have iPhones and the general consensus around other parents is that that’s outrageous. Vast majority of parents I know are anti phone and when they go to secondary next year most people are thinking brick phones until they’re 16. The Smart Phone Free Childhood movement has really taken off around here and phoneless kids are definitely not in the minority.

Depends how they use their phone. Tracking adults is ridiculous, but having a phone gives freedom.

What I hate is hypocritical parents, who boast about not giving a phone, but rely on everyone else!

No, they don't need contact during residential at all. However, parents are quite happy to get a text or to look at the tracker to know when to pick them up - and whatsapp group with "my son doesn't have a phone, what time do they arrive" expecting to use the information given by those who HAVE a phone.. pathetic.

(No, the school doesn't update every 5mn, there's a scheduled arrival time, but when there's delays etc, the school office is shut and parents wait. Or don't, because they have a phone.

Kids messaging asking if they can bring friends or stay with friends after school is freedom.

The ones without a phone miss on social life, not willingly but I know some kids who are basically excluded of everything because they don't know.