To think not giving kids a phone is now seen as neglectful

[cadburyegg]

My y6 has started to go to the park after school with friends sometimes. He has a Nokia brick phone but doesn’t want to take it to school so he goes without a phone. I don’t track him with the likes of an AirTag either. Met up with my friend last week who tracks her kids when they go to all their clubs and friends houses - they are younger so obviously supervised by an adult 24/7 and she clearly disagrees with me not having any device on my DS. She kept saying but what if something happens.

He has his school residential coming up and parents are shocked that phones are not allowed and as such they can’t contact their kids for 2 days.

My colleagues all track their adult children (well into their 20s) and last week my colleague panicked because she couldn’t see where her 23 year old son was.

I feel like this is just becoming the norm now and kids not having smartphones is now seen as downright neglectful?? AIBU?

I've never given any of my DC a phone until they are 16. Instead of spending hours on SM they did a lot of Sports, musical instruments, and volunteering. I dropped them off at clubs and collected them afterwards. If they went somewhere late at night we let them borrow a brick phone to text they needed collecting. I'd certainly never have let them take a phone into school.

Because 18 year olds don't instantly turn into completely independent beings overnight, its a gradual process and for many(most) they rely on some support from parents while at uni. Meanwhile parents can discuss with other parents how to negotiate this new stage of life.

In answer to the original question, absolutely no need for phones on school residentials when kids are supervised by staff at all times. Our schools banned phones on such trips. On the other hand, Year 8+ school trips abroad when they are allowed to go off in small groups unsupervised fir a couple of hours, phones were required by school.

I wouldn't be happy with a child walking places alone without a phone but any child too young to do that absolutely doesn't need one.

My friend gives her kids brick phones. I see the reasoning. I gave mine smartphones but heavily locked down and restricted both by software and house rules eg no social media, no phones overnight, at the table, time limits on anything non essential. I found the benefits of a smartphone eg tracking/train apps etc outweighed the disadvantages.

Re tracking, our whole family including adults can see each other on life 360. We never sit there watching it. Ocassionally glance to see if someone is where they should be, or use it if someone is delayed, not answering their phone or similar. My 19 year old at uni has no issue with still being on it and it gives some peace of mind for me with no intrusion for her. Also I stand by Life360 as a useful tool, I got my stolen bag and phone back by using it once. (Phoned DH from friend's phone and he could see where the thieves had gone with it).

Yes this is a good point. My friend whose kids have brick phones has ocassionally asked me to check where my kid is on life360 to see if their train is delayed because her kid wasn't answering her phone.

Tracking your children when they're in their twenties is nuts. They're adults and they should be capable of standing on their own two feet.

Because 18 year olds don't instantly turn into completely independent beings overnight, its a gradual process and for many(most) they rely on some support from parents while at uni. Meanwhile parents can discuss with other parents how to negotiate this new stage of life.

If parents had raised their children properly, there wouldn't be a need for such ridiculous group.

What's next?

If you still need a hand hold at Uni (and not just a washing machine to do your laundry if you come home at the weekend, and a full fridge to empty while you are there), then you shouldn't even be at uni 😂

I completed a workshop session recently that was about children and smartphones. We were shown more than a dozen different ways that the parental controls can be bypassed and how parents will never be able to tell. Suffice to say, any parent giving their child a smartphone might as well accept that they are giving to them without any restrictions because they are so easily overridden, no matter what you use or how well you think you’ve done it. You’re being naive if you think otherwise.

I commented on some Facebook thread about tracking kids. Didn’t expect it to get so much attention. Someone told me “they’re only little once, do your job”. What, because I don’t track a 10 year old??

Yes, my 10 year old gets around the parental controls on iPads. Not on purpose, just because they are glitchy and don’t work properly!