Sorry this is going to be long and all over the place because I can’t think straight and every time I think I’ve got the full story something else comes up.
My DS is 16 and last week there was a fight after college, in town by the bus stops. DS and another boy from his rugby team who is also at his college, they’re on the same course, sometimes in the same classes, anyway it all kicked off. Now it’s all blown up way bigger than I ever thought it would.
The boy and his mum are saying DS and a group of mates jumped him, shoved him to the ground, kicked him and DS was shouting homophobic slurs at him. Words I don’t even want to type but you can imagine. DS is adamant that is not what happened. He says it was just him and the boy, no gang, they’ve had beef for ages, the boy shoved him first, DS lashed out and it was punches both ways and they both walked off. DS swears blind he never said anything homophobic, says he just shouted random angry stuff like “shut up” and “don’t push me” but not slurs.
Now it’s gone to rugby and they’ve basically said DS is out. He’s played since he was 7, it’s his whole life, he’s devastated. College are saying safeguarding meetings, governors, they’re using words like hate crime, assault, police referral. Someone told me even if it doesn’t go to court it can stay on record as a hate incident and show up later on DBS checks which has absolutely floored me because he wanted to do coaching and now that’s in jeopardy. I worry he could actually be arrested. We’ve not had police at the house but I’ve had one missed call from a number I didn’t recognise and now I’m panicking it was them.
The worst bit is this is not new. DS and this lad have been clashing for months if not years. There was that incident in training when they nearly came to blows, coaches had to pull them apart. DS’s boots went missing in the changing rooms once and he always swore it was this lad. They’ve been sniping on Snapchat, calling each other names, DS says he was constantly winding him up calling him thick and useless. So this didn’t come out of nowhere.
I even went into college last week to ask if DS could be moved out of classes with him because I thought at least that would separate them. But today I got home from work and nearly screamed because the SAME lad was sat in my kitchen with DS like they were best mates again. So if he’s so scared and traumatised like his mum is saying then why is he laughing on my sofa with DS? DS says it’s “all sorted now” and that they’ve made up. But how can it be sorted if rugby are still kicking him off and college are threatening governors meetings and safeguarding?
I’m so confused. On one hand DS is no angel, he’s got a temper, he’s been in detentions for backchat and being lippy but he’s never been violent before, never been in trouble with the law. On the other hand I don’t believe he’s homophobic. He’s got gay friends, he doesn’t care, he keeps saying “mum it’s personal between me and him not that.”
But now I feel like people have already decided he’s guilty. The boy’s mum is telling everyone he’s dangerous, rugby don’t want him, college are treating him like a safeguarding risk. I keep coming back to the fact the boy clearly isn’t scared of DS if he’s sat in my kitchen today.
AIBU to think this has been blown totally out of proportion, that it was just teenage lads fighting and it should’ve been dealt with as such? Or do I need to accept he’s properly messed his life up and this could follow him forever?