Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

I have no obligation to cater to men's desires.

Just say hello back and move on. You don’t have to turn it into a conversation.

Also I think it’s odd that you describe him as old-ish and then go on to say that he’s maybe mid 60s. That’s not really old. I had thought perhaps from your title that he could have dementia (which yes obviously even mid 60s he could have, but it’s less likely).

What normal person STANDS in their doorway for this long??

What normal person doesn’t say hello when greeted by someone!

Does he feel threatening in any way? Cause its all well and good saying trust your instincts etc but that only makes sense if you feel threatened by him? Otherwise its no harm to say hello, even if you don’t want to say hello theres really no need to be completely ignorant is there?

This mans not a beggar. He is standing on his own doorstep saying hello to passers by.

Women hang about and say hello too.

Okay, thanks for your input.

You must lead a very strange existence to think returning a cheery hello is “catering to a man’s desire”.
Who hurt you?

How do you know? I didn't know this man was a nut until I started to recognise and realise who he was and what he did all day. Youd be ok with your child saying hello to a weirdly persistent man would you?

Oh dear.

Could you get a bike and cycle the long way, to the shops.
Invest in headphones, play podcasts when passing his front door.
Cross the road.

I don’t find anything strange in this - quite a few elderly people do this and engage with others where I live. Why haven’t you said hello back? I find that rather unfriendly. There’s a retired lady in our village who walks up and down the street all day saying hello and waving as cars go by. Lots of people stop and have a chat. She’s clearly rather lonely since her mother died and feels better engaging with people rather than being stuck inside her house. If you come from a big city where people don’t know their neighbours it might seem odd I suppose.

What on earth are you on about?

I love people saying hello and chatting to me. Not old, no SEN. I fact most of my peers are the same. Why assume people don’t want a friendly happy person to pass through the day? Better than a face like a slapped arse from someone offended by a “hello”

Cannot STAND competitive misery. What a miserable life some people must lead

If he stands and says hello To everyone, surely he has enough idiots to respond to him and say hello back. Why insist on a woman who isn't replying to him?

Talk and walk honey, talk and walk

You might a cheery wave too

But you said you suspect he has MH problems. Years ago in my village there was a young guy called Sam with downs syndrome who used to "paint" the bridge with water. Out all hours painting the bridge. You could not meet a friendlier chap and he spoke to everyone passing and everyone had a cheery chat with him him in responese. Nothing sinister in this at all

OP you are old enough to know better and your attitude is really concerning. Have some compassion. A cheery hello never killed anyone. If he does have MH problems then shame on you

Sorry to disappoint you, @RogueFemale, but an old man standing on his doorstep (all day, every day) and waving at you (and presumably everyone else - all day, every day - does not mean that he desires you.

He’s being friendly\possibly lonely.

OP, trust your instincts. I used to say hello back to men if they said hello, but quite a few times it just lead to more talk that I just didn’t want.

Feel free to ignore him. You don’t want to get into a daily chitchat situation.

I’m sad to see people still tell women to ignore their boundaries.

So many people who have never come across a weirdo who at the first sign of dialogue has then approached or escalated to following, or other ways of (intentional or perhaps unintentionally) making OP feel uncomfortable.

Absolutely crazy so many 'be kind' people on here guilting OP.

Maybe it is where I live or have worked but the people who sit/stand outside their houses all day, walk aimlessly around the towns and villages, are usually the local weirdos, I've got one in the village where I work, she talks to everyone, usually very amicably in fairness, but I could smell the crazy on her a mile away so I mostly ignored her, she seems harmless enough and she happens to live next door to the local shop, but in the three years that I've been there, I've seen her have screaming matches, calling people names, being aggressive, following strangers shouting at them, police being called because she is out in the street ranting, her dog has bitten a few people at bus stop in front of her house, she comes into my unit occasionally and demands to use my phone, check my cctv.. I have to bluntly say no or just tell her to leave, if you are in any way polite and accommodating it just goes on and on in a bizarre spiral of nonsense and she doesn't get the hint, so won't leave of her own according.

This chap may be a perfectly well adjusted man who just likes to talk to people, nothing wrong with that, but OP is within her rights to not engage with him if she doesn't want to!! Sometimes the nicer and more accommodating you are the harder it is to then get away without 'seeming rude'.. especially if you are a woman who has been well trained in the 'be kind' mantra!

I'd probably say a quick hello back with no real eye contact, but I wouldn't hang around or engage otherwise.

Who hurt you OP?
Is wanting polite “hello” a desire?

Donyou also refuse to pay for your shopping when you get to the Co op OP if a man is serving you? Wouldn’t want to find yourself catering to his desire?

@RogueFemale you haven't answered if you would say hello is this was a female.

Context?

where did this come from? i’m a bit confused now :D what’s this got to do with the greeting bandit

Well thank fuck I used to say hello and chat to the bloke down the road who was always in his garden saying hello.

When I had a flood in the early hours of Christmas morning - so no electricity or water on Christmas Day - he offered to host me and my son (we declined) and he let us use his shower and get buckets of water.

It's not necessarily creepy, It's community.