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Original poster

To think he’s perhaps financially abusive? Or just does care about me?

61 replies

fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:28

There’s a long history of this stuff, but I’ll stick with the past 48 hours.

He calls me yesterday mid morning and asks me what I’m up to. He suggests I meet him in town. We meet at Wetherspoons and as I know him so very well, when he asks me what I’d like I ask for the muffin deal. It’s £3 and I also get a can of drink which I can take home and give to my son.

I eat my muffin and he goes to get himself a drink. I ask if I can have one too and he kicks off. I know I have the canned drink, but really? I’m a mother of five, the youngest being 15 months. Can he not let me have a drink of if I ask for one?

Last week he was at work and I sold his bike for him in his absence. I was struggling to feed the kids whilst he was away all week, but I made do. I didn’t dip in to the cash. Today I was asked to pay someone £300 out of said cash. I did that. Then he came home and counted the other £1300 remaining and found it to be £20 down. He accused me of helping myself.

I literally had £60 in my bank account and immediately sent him £20, but I’m gutted. What am I actually dealing with here? I never touched his cash, only to pay what was owed to someone else. I feel like I despise him right now.

OP posts:
DoubtfulCat · 15/09/2025 20:30

Red flags 🚩. His kids too?

Comedycook · 15/09/2025 20:31

Is he your husband, partner, boyfriend or just a guy you're dating...its not clear? Is he the father of your children?

UghFletcher · 15/09/2025 20:33

Sack him off, life’s too short to waste time with this red flag

SallySuperTrooper · 15/09/2025 20:34

Comedycook · 15/09/2025 20:31

Is he your husband, partner, boyfriend or just a guy you're dating...its not clear? Is he the father of your children?

Edited

Hopefully not!!

Original poster
fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:35

He’s the father of my children. He’s always been tight. He won’t marry me. I pays his two mortgages and I pay the bills. We buy food equally but he will insist that he’s ’supporting us all’ and even tells his friends that I’m a leech basically. I’m done with him I think. How can you be so tight that you accuse your partner of stealing £20 from you when she has £60 in the bank and you have thousands?
I was so horrified to be accused of theft I immediately transferred him £20, but what the fuck?!

OP posts:
Lollytea655 · 15/09/2025 20:35

Comedycook · 15/09/2025 20:31

Is he your husband, partner, boyfriend or just a guy you're dating...its not clear? Is he the father of your children?

Edited

This! Not enough info to comment really.

SallySuperTrooper · 15/09/2025 20:35

I eat my muffin and he goes to get himself a drink. I ask if I can have one too and he kicks off. I know I have the canned drink, but really? I’m a mother of five, the youngest being 15 months. Can he not let me have a drink of if I ask for one
I'm not getting this, he got you a can which you put in your bag, then asked for another drink?

Original poster
fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:37

He pays, sorry. He pays his mortgages and I pay the bills.

OP posts:
RealEagle · 15/09/2025 20:37

Why the fuck do you pay his two mortgages?

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 15/09/2025 20:37

Good god, when I first read your post I assumed this was more of a casual boyfriend situation.

Why on earth are you paying 2 mortgages and bills and letting him get away with this?

Original poster
fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:38

@SallySuperTrooperYes, we were there for an hour or so. Doing life admin and talking about something upcoming that’s important. In that time he had two or three drinks.

OP posts:
Enigma54 · 15/09/2025 20:40

Bloody hell. He’s happy for HIS kids to go hungry? Is that true? If so, I’m speechless. Why are you paying two mortgages?

SallySuperTrooper · 15/09/2025 20:40

fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:38

@SallySuperTrooperYes, we were there for an hour or so. Doing life admin and talking about something upcoming that’s important. In that time he had two or three drinks.

But you didn't even open the first drink?
And why is there 2 mortgages?

Shoxfordian · 15/09/2025 20:40

Why didn't you buy his second drink and one for yourself then? Can you not get a multipack of cans on your weekly shop? He sounds shit but I don't get the wetherspoons thing

Enigma54 · 15/09/2025 20:41

fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:37

He pays, sorry. He pays his mortgages and I pay the bills.

Whose property are you all living in?

dontmalbeconme · 15/09/2025 20:41

I must admit, I'd be raising an eyebrow, if I bought someone a drink, they put in it their bag to take home, and expected me to buy them another!

It really depends whether this is your husband, shared lives, shared children as to how unreasonable hes being. If you're just dating, with separate finances, then you take in turns to buy rounds, surely, and hes not responsible for your finances. If, however, you're at home looking after his 5 kids while he goes away, he should be making sure his children are adequately provided for.

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:42

I never ever have said this here.

But if you share children and he essentially is kicking off over buying one a can of pop and then you a drink.

Run home and change the locks. If you can prove you've been paying the mortgages you have rights to the properties. You will have a better and more peaceful life for you and your children without living with such a miserly suspicious fucker.

You don't mention if you are married or not, but whichever way, go and get those ducks lined up. Keep quiet for the meantime...

But plan your exit and plan to live your life where you can enjoy it with yoir children and not live in fear and under his reign of financial abuse.

Sixtimesnow · 15/09/2025 20:43

He'll end up with the houses and you'll end up with nothing. Even though you've contributed by buying the food and paying the bills.

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:44

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:42

I never ever have said this here.

But if you share children and he essentially is kicking off over buying one a can of pop and then you a drink.

Run home and change the locks. If you can prove you've been paying the mortgages you have rights to the properties. You will have a better and more peaceful life for you and your children without living with such a miserly suspicious fucker.

You don't mention if you are married or not, but whichever way, go and get those ducks lined up. Keep quiet for the meantime...

But plan your exit and plan to live your life where you can enjoy it with yoir children and not live in fear and under his reign of financial abuse.

This is not true. If she’s not on the deeds she has no claim to the property.

MellowPinkDeer · 15/09/2025 20:44

This sounds so fucked up. Why are you with this moron?

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:46

I hope you work OP. Because if you are not married and not in the deeds to the house you are financially in a very poor position.

The only entitlement you have is to maintenance for the children

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:47

Ah sorry I thought you could prove you had been paying the bills, which would have put you in a stronger position.

But there is still hope.

Stay quiet get legal/financial advice ASAP

You know this is no way to live

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:47

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:47

Ah sorry I thought you could prove you had been paying the bills, which would have put you in a stronger position.

But there is still hope.

Stay quiet get legal/financial advice ASAP

You know this is no way to live

No. It would not.

Original poster
fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:48

Just to clarify, because I’ve made some typos and been a bit vague, unintentionally.

He owns two houses. One in which we live. I own nothing. He pays his mortgages and his car. I pay all the bills like council tax and utilities. Although he insists he does it all, we pay about £800 a month each on groceries.

The muffin deal is £3 and includes a Monster drink if that’s what you choose. He won’t let me buy these for my teenage son usually, so if I feel I can get a ‘free’ one I’ll take it and give it to my son. He was going to the bar to get himself another drink, so I thought it was ok to ask for one too.

OP posts:
LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:49

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:44

This is not true. If she’s not on the deeds she has no claim to the property.

Edited
Show quote history

She might have been entitled if she was able to prove she was solely paying the mortgage without his help.
But OP changed from stating she was paying the mortgages to bills

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