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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His daughter's behaviour....

85 replies

Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 17:28

Partner has one daughter 19, lives with him but now at uni so home some of the time. Just been home for summer.
Was her birthday 10 days ago. Saw lots of lovely gifts lying around one of which was a beautiful m&s bouquet.

Partner works away. Left a week ago. She left for uni yesterday. Called in to house today to do some jobs and when putting rubbush out noticed the bouquet still in cellophane unopened in the bin.

I didnt buy them but im pretty sure whoever did would be pretty devastated to see them chucked in the bin.. I just can't fathom this behaviour and find it hard to be around. Im actually sad i bought her a gift because she clearly doesnt value other people's money and i certainly don't have money to waste.

I wish i could park it but i find it hard to not let it affect how i feel about my partner. How has he raised a human that thinks this is ok.

Aibu or would you feel remotely similar?

Fwiw id absolutely go through my dc if it was them. I'd be gutted.

OP posts:
titchy · 15/09/2025 17:30

Maybe they were from a stalker ex?

outerspacepotato · 15/09/2025 17:31

So what? Maybe she doesn't like the giver or doesn't want to see any of their gifts. It's a gift to her and she can do whatever with it.

This is none of your business. You sure are judgey about your partner's daughter. It sounds like you don't like her and are looking for reasons to complain about her.

Skybluepinky · 15/09/2025 17:33

Probably from someone she doesn’t like, unless you know the full story don’t judge.

FunMum2019 · 15/09/2025 17:33

They’re 10 days old and no one will be home? Nice to bin them rather than come home to dead flowers. Could also be an allergy issue, I’ve had to give away a bouquet before because I couldn’t sit in the same room without sneezing

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 15/09/2025 17:34

It's very clear you don't like her at all.

I'm very appreciative of any gift anyone gives me, however an ex of mine who assaulted me started sending flowers and balloons after his bail conditions were lifted and each and every one got thrown in the bin. You have no idea of the back story, just looking for an excuse to bitch about her and centre yourself.

Rosesfornoses · 15/09/2025 17:34

They were presents to her. It is her house. it sounds as if you don't live there. It is her decision what to do with her present.
She probably thought cut flowers were a right faff. I don't know many students who love cut flowers. They were a present for her Dad really. She couldn't take them to Uni.

SunshineAndFizz · 15/09/2025 17:35

She’s going back to uni, a bouquet of flowers isn’t a practical present.

I don’t know many 19 year olds would want flowers tbh.

littlebosleepy · 15/09/2025 17:35

Maybe she wanted to travel light and flowers weren’t a priority for her to take.
I wouldn’t still be thinking about this.

Zempy · 15/09/2025 17:38

The smell of lilies makes me feel nauseous. I would have to bin them.

You have no idea why she did this. Could be from someone she dislikes, could be allergic, could just not be interested in flowers.

It sounds like you really haven’t warmed to her…

Original poster
Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 17:38

I actually want to like her but she makes it hard
She's spoiled and there's a history of selfish behaviour.
Definitely not from someone she doesnt like.

I dont really like flowers as a gift myself but i wouldn't just throw a gift in the bin but i see im in the minority here so I'll try harder to get over it 🤣🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
TheTealGoose · 15/09/2025 17:41

Others have mentioned your feeling towards her but at the end of the post you say it actually affects how you feel about your partner. It sounds to me like you have some doubts about him as you are asking about how he raises children. That's what this is pointing to it's not about the flowers or the daughter from what I've read. If it was me, that is what I would be examining and reflecting on. I like to journal privately to figure out my thoughts as well as conscious and unconscious beliefs and what is actually true to me.

Also, her behaviour is out of your control. It is in your control to decide not to buy her a gift if you choose to. What else is in your control to change how this affects you?

Original poster
Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 17:53

@TheTealGoose thanks for looking past the assumption that i just dont like his daughter, which just isn't true. She is difficult to be around.
I cant control her behaviour but it does disturb me that my partner who i feel shares the same fundamental beliefs as me has managed to raise a child who is almost the opposite of what he claims to stand for. I have also journaled in the past. I will revisit this. I want to seperate how i feel about her and his parenting from how i feel about him as a partner.

OP posts:
outingouting · 15/09/2025 17:55

That’s exactly the sort of thing I would have done at 19. It’s not that deep. No different to not wearing a top someone got you cos you didn’t like it.

pinkyredrose · 15/09/2025 17:57

outingouting · 15/09/2025 17:55

That’s exactly the sort of thing I would have done at 19. It’s not that deep. No different to not wearing a top someone got you cos you didn’t like it.

Not that deep? Binning a lovely bouquet is ok then?

MsCactus · 15/09/2025 17:57

Why does that bother you? I had a teen boyfriend who bought me flowers once because he behaved like an arse - I put the flowers straight in the bin.

Also as pp said, it's better in the bin than leaving them to wilt and die in a vase while she's away.

outingouting · 15/09/2025 17:59

It’s charmless for sure. But the OP has reacted really strongly to it, including doubting her relationship. So yes, I don’t think the act of binning some flowers when you’re 19 and going back to uni is that deep.

FuzzyWolf · 15/09/2025 18:00

pinkyredrose · 15/09/2025 17:57

Not that deep? Binning a lovely bouquet is ok then?

Show quote history

They are almost a fortnight old.

friskery · 15/09/2025 18:01

What else is she supposed to do with a 10 day old bunch of flowers when she's going back to uni?

Not sure many teenagers appreciate flowers as a given anyway!

JLou08 · 15/09/2025 18:05

Her birthday was 10 days ago, were they not on the way out anyway? Even if they were still fresh I wouldn't be transporting a bouquet back to uni. It's not the easiest gift to travel with is it? Not something you can pack in your suitcase.

BauhausOfEliott · 15/09/2025 18:05

Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 17:38

I actually want to like her but she makes it hard
She's spoiled and there's a history of selfish behaviour.
Definitely not from someone she doesnt like.

I dont really like flowers as a gift myself but i wouldn't just throw a gift in the bin but i see im in the minority here so I'll try harder to get over it 🤣🤦‍♀️

You're being ridiculous about the flowers. It was an unwanted gift, regardless of who they were from. She'd be selfish and unpleasant if she called up the person who sent them and said 'Those flowers were shit, I put them in the bin' but quietly getting rid of a gift you don't want without the giver's knowledge harms literally nobody.

My mum - who I adore - recently bought me a mug. It was a lovely thought, but I really don't like it, will never use it and already have a cupboard overflowing with more mugs than I could ever want or need. Consequently, I thanked her for the gift, gave her a hug, and then without her knowledge gave it straight to a charity shop. She is none the wiser and is happy that she gave me a gift, and I don't have to hoard something I don't want and will never use. Nobody has been hurt or offended.

Arguably, I could have said 'Sorry, I can't use this, can I have the receipt?' but clearly your partner's daughter couldn't do that for a bunch of flowers so why shouldn't she just bin them if they're not something she likes?!

You obviously have huge issues with your partner's daughter anyway, but your reaction is really OTT here.

JLou08 · 15/09/2025 18:08

pinkyredrose · 15/09/2025 17:57

Not that deep? Binning a lovely bouquet is ok then?

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Am I missing something here? They are 10 days old and she has gone back to uni. Would people really be carrying a 10 day old bouquet when they need to travel back to uni? It doesn't seem practical to me.

FlockofSquirrels · 15/09/2025 18:14

Maybe there are all sorts of other awful things she does that make it reasonable for you to dislike her.

This simply isn't one of them. Her birthday was 10 days ago and not enjoying someone's gift in the way you would in the privacy of her own home is not a character flaw. Her not unwrapping the flowers sent by someone who presumably wasn't there to see hurt absolutely no one, and cut flowers are expected to be thrown out a week or so later anyways.

If you've reached a place where you're determined (even unconsciously) to attach malice and poor character to things like this then you're going to find excuses to do so everywhere. Nothing will improve in your feelings or relationship until you can find your way out of that place.

twattydogshavetwattypeople · 15/09/2025 18:21

It's none of your business what she, or any other person, does with her own property.

pinkyredrose · 15/09/2025 18:23

JLou08 · 15/09/2025 18:08

Am I missing something here? They are 10 days old and she has gone back to uni. Would people really be carrying a 10 day old bouquet when they need to travel back to uni? It doesn't seem practical to me.

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Oh I must've read it wrong, I thought she'd binned them v soon after getting them!

pinkyredrose · 15/09/2025 18:24

FuzzyWolf · 15/09/2025 18:00

They are almost a fortnight old.

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I didn't realise when I replied, I misread the Op!

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