AIBU to just split the house 50/50, even though I will walk away with debt & him with savings?

[miserableaboutmoney]

In the process of separating from DH. We have DS19 and DD16, both in full-time education.

DH and I earn the same when working FT, but I went PT for 10years to be with the kids, save on childcare and also assist his elderly parents.

We own a house together. When we first met, I had about £25k of personal debt. I was later made redundant and had a payout, which I was planning to use to clear that debt. Instead, we used £15k of it for a house deposit and the rest for living expenses while I wasn’t working for 6months. During that time we lived with his parents rent-free and he was adding to the deposit pot from his earnings. By the time we bought the house, there was nearly £30k altogether.

Since then, we’ve split general household costs 50/50. I paid the debt repayments from my PT salary and often had nothing spare, sometimes resorting to credit cards just to get through the month. He, on the other hand, has been able to save. For big costs (holidays, house maintenance etc.) he’s generally covered them for the whole family.

I also homeschooled DD for 3 years (due to a mental health crisis), costing around £10k. I put that on a credit card (with DH’s agreement). The plan was to repay it from her higher education ISA in a few years (with her knowledge and consent), but in the meantime the debt is in my name and I’m paying the interest.

Money has been a big factor in our marriage and now we’re separating. For ease (and to keep things amicable), I’m leaning towards just splitting the house 50/50. I’d use my share to clear the debts and then we’d both go our separate ways.

But am I doing myself an injustice by not pushing for something like a 60/40 split, given that I’ll be leaving with debt while he has savings?

Worth saying: my debt is a mix of home-related stuff and, admittedly, my long-standing poor attitude to debt (it’s been part of my life since student days). I am really trying to get a grip on it now, but it feels unfair that I walk away with nothing while he walks away with savings.

Has anyone been in a similar position? What’s fair here?

“Debts acquired before the marriage, I would be inclined to say are yours. And I think legally they are anyway.”

Whilst I would usually agree with this in most scenarios, I disagree in this situation. The OP has worked p/t during the marriage, looking after the children, whilst still contributing 50% of the household costs. All whilst her husband has been able to build up savings. Had he been fairer in splitting the household and children’s costs, the OP would have been able to pay off her debt.

Everything is split 50/50 including debt, savings, and equity in the house. He also can’t expect to be paid back for things he spent on you while married - the usual thing to do for the car is to return it and split the liability.

Don't sell yourself short.
The man you divorce is never the man you married.
Forget the past.
You added value and deserve your fair share.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/

Read the Divorce and Separation guides on here to understand the legal starting point for a divorce, then get as much documentation for the pair of you as you can. Payslips, employment contracts, bank statements, pensions documents, ISAs, investments, loans, mortgage paperwork, etc.

Then get yourself to a decent solicitor.

Your posts reads as though your and your "D"H have separate finances, and like you don't actually know what you're entitled to. At least figure this out before you start giving stuff away, otherwise you'll be mad at yourself for years.

As a general rule in the UK, in absence of any specific legal documents e.g. a deed of trust for uneven house deposits, marriage makes everything 50/50.

He had a house before you married? Tough, that's now 50/50.
You had an inheritance from your mum? That's also now probably 50/50.
He has a pension because you facilitated him working FT? That too is 50/50.
You won the lottery? Unfortunately, on the balance sheet it will also be 50/50.

Other PP will tell you everything you need to know about how your PT work and your work in the home DOES have a value - and I fully agree. I'm here to tell you that you are legally entitled to 50% of all marital assets as a starting point, probably more if the kids are school age/in HE and living with you.

This is not about the path of least resistance, nor is it about gouging him. It is about getting what is fair and leaving with what you and the kids can reasonably survive and thrive on.

I’m hearing you all loud and clear.
Thank you for the reality check.

Just remember his attitude when it comes to CMS and making sure he pays his way. You need to make sure he pays for his children

@miserableaboutmoney the extra details don’t change anything. The debt/car/pensions are all marital assets. The £1000 loan to you I’m not sure.
You 100% do not take the debt as yours and split the assets, even from your own post you can see this makes no logical sense

Minor point - please remember that the property assets will probably be passed down to your DC so provided you have enough for a decent home for you, it’s kind of less important than monthly CMS income.
Best wishes, it can be a tough process to get a fair deal.