Football parents - what’s more important to you?

[katiecustard2]

Attitude or ability? Ds is 14 and has been playing grassroots football for our local club for many years. We’ve seen lots of boys come and go as is the case but I would say ds has always been a committed and valuable member of the team. He is a good footballer and a good sportsman - respectful and courteous to the ref and opposition but not afraid to get stuck in.

However there a couple of his teammates who are very gifted ability wise but absolute little shits on the pitch. They swear, they put in questionable tackles, throw themselves on the floor and cry like babies over the smallest thing, they are abusive to the ref and think nothing of trying to injure others. Just this weekend I’ve seen one of them hurt a member of the opposition quite badly (he needed to be helped off the pitch) and our player was smirking about it. The parents are as bad, never admit any wrongdoing and encourage their kids in this behaviour. Because football is such a big deal to them they often miss training sessions because they play for multiple teams and have clashes.

However they always get loads of game time at the expense of my son and some of the other regulars, and the coaches never admonish their attitude presumably because they are the better players and win games for us. I’m honestly sick of it. I know at this age it is a competitive sport but if you were a coach would you let this sort of thing go even though it gives the team as a whole a poor image? Or would you accept it’s just life when it comes to grassroots?

Bump

Sounds like those kisds have a typical football mentality to me. Try rugby if you want sportsmanship.

Apart from that, I'm a best players on the pitch type of person. There's usually a team for everyone. Some more competitive, some more inclusive. Are the coaches new?

It's not parents you need to ask this question to it's coaches. And the coach of your sons team has shown you the answer. If your son isn't happy or you are not happy with him being around that behaviour then time to find a new team as you will never change the attitude or the coach, the kids or the parents.

Honestly at that age? Ability. It's a competitive sport. And it's not going to get any easier now as they progress.

Maybe switch him to to a team playing in a different division or league? My DH coaches and quite often some of the boys will "drop down" to a lower division and it's much better for them.

ability unfortunately. look at premier league footballers - they abuse the ref, they dive regularly, they fight with other players and they still get picked. nobody is going to pick a player because ‘they’re a nice guy’, they pick the players who are going to win them matches. nothing you can do about it

I agree with everyone else. This is one of the many reasons I will never respect football as a sport. I watch all this go on every weekend and have to bite my tongue as the DC enjoy and benefit from playing, and that's what matters. If I ever do voice an opinion it's generally wrong according to DH 🙄

I have two sons who play grass roots, one who is very able and his team is picked on talent and ability - however, all the lads are really lovely (touch wood, this may change as they get older).

My other son who doesn't have much skill plays for a very mediocre team and although they rarely win they are all lovely kids and they just enjoy playing football together. This son used to play for a better team but he was one of the least skilled on the pitch and so understandably he got less play time (he probably played for about 50% of the game, maybe a little less) and so he opted to drop down a level. He knew he couldn't compete with the other boys on his current team and football to him was about being able to play and have fun, and the only way he was going to achieve that was by leaving his current team and playing for another one that didn't have the same level of talent.

There will always be coaches who think each child should have a fair amount of play time regardless of their ability, but I think this generally only happens in teams where the children are aged about 8 and below. I think when children pass that age the teams naturally start being picked on ability which is fair enough as football is a competitive sport and coaches want to do well in the leagues. For most football teams where the players are 14 years old, its the results that matter, not equality or fairness.

So he’s under 15s now? At that age it’s a lot more about ability. You’d expect most players to have “found their level” and be in a team that’s reflective of that by now. DS is a mid/lower level player and plays for a mid level team. The equal playing time thing starts to drift off around under 13s I’d say. To be fair, DS’s coaches don’t accept really bad behaviour and do take players off at times.

Yes it would be best player on the pitch at this age, so of your son is getting less playing time because he’s not a good, I’d advise he find a team that’s more his level. He should be enjoying his football and just sitting on the sidelines is no fun at all.
But, the coaches should absolutely not be accepting bad behaviour and poor sportsmanship from the other players. However good they are, they need to play with respect and within the rules. We’ve had some pretty poor experiences with teams where behaviour like this from kids and parents were tolerated and it’s horrible. Thankfully now we’re involved in teams where it’s not.

Its an awkward age as most coaches are looking the talented players and willing to put up with crappy behaviour.

Personally I wont tolerate that crap from my kids and they made them have missed matches and practise as wont tolerate it. Other parents have mocked me for it as my kids are 'missing out' but id rather have well rounded young people than little toads

This is why my 3 play rugby.

If you want a better class of people for your children to play sport with then unfortunately football is not for you. As other posters have said - try rugby. Or hockey.

WHY do these things have to be mutually exclusive? Why can’t they be good footballers and also good sports people?
It’s so depressing reading so many comments on here that basically just say ‘you have to just accept them being little twats because they’re ok at football’…. You can be good at football and still not be abusive to referees or injure opponents!
My DD plays football, she’s good. I still expect her to be respectful of others and not to throw tantrums when she’s not winning.

Won’t be trying other sports as football has always been ds’s sport. He’s tried rugby and cricket and never shown the same passion. He isn’t a bad player, he’s one of the top 5 in the team I’d say. But there’s a big squad and he will sometimes get subbed for short periods of that game. Others spend most of the game on the bench even though they religiously turn up for weekly training sessions while the other ones swan in and out as they please.

If anything I just get sick of this shitty behaviour not just being tolerated but celebrated by the parents. I know someone likened it to professional football but this isn’t that level and while they’re still kids I do believe the parents should do more to instill good sportsmanship or just basic manners and decency in their kids. The coaches just want to win which is understandable but still annoying.

This is my son. I’ve never even had to have the chat with him about being respectful he just always has been.

On the rare occasion he’s ever hurt anyone he’s checked their ok and helped them up. Not laughed about it.

From my experience and observations of teenage football teams, if any of the skilled and talented footballers also act like entitled and bullying twats it's usually because their parents encourage it.

I have been horrified in the past by the behaviour of some pitch-side parents in relation to the kind of violent play and dangerous techniques they encourage their sons to use in order to try and win the ball.

I'm also a rugby mum, but I have lots of football mum friends. I suspect unfortunately it's ability as I understand the better teams attract the better players which overall is better for the club. I would agree good sportsmanship is a much nicer trait to have over a bad attitude but not sure it works like that in the world of football.

I also think that your reputation in football does stay with you especially if you keep playing as an adult for under 21s etc. Even if you don’t people still remember the really obnoxious ones as being just that. Rude brats with bad attitudes. So it’s not really worth encouraging in kids imo. It won’t get them anywhere, the ones who are actually going to make a career out of it are not playing for grassroots much at this age, they are with academies. Nothing that’s worth tarnishing them.

I was a rugby parent but it’s probably the same. Some of the parents took it far too seriously and were roaring from the sidelines. We also had parent coaches who favoured their children. The coaches were also frustrated players and pinning their hopes on their own kids. DS went on a tour once and barely got to play despite it costing £££. I’m glad he stopped.

Laughing at try rugby instead. It’s worse in my opinion for cliques- particularly amongst the dads. And I say that as a rugby centric family growing up.

also ‘talent’ is generally overrated for me at the level we’re talking about- these are kids playing for fun. Yes they want to win but it’s more important they keen about good sportsmanship and teams, none of them will end up at arsenal. I red something Gary linekar said that he’d watched thousands of kids football matches with his three sons and he had not once seen a child with any real talent.

his message was let the kids enjoy the football and don’t screech at them from the sidelines - it will make zero difference

You need to find a nicer coach. First, work out the right level for your DS then look around for a team at that level that has a coach who is hot on sportsmanship and good behaviour. I appreciate this might be difficult in areas with fewer teams (we’re London so masses to choose from) but coaches always set the tone…

It's a tale as old as time OP, ability is always first in football sadly. I always struggled watching the unfairness of it all, especially as parents we are teaching our children that turning up, being respectful & fair is the right way to live & then grass roots football is the exact opposite! We also had another layer of the 'best' players going in & out of football academy's & the bat shit mental parents pushing their kid's to be the next Ronaldo, I could write a book! Just let the kids play x

Drop down the divisions. He might find it more suitable.

There’s nothing wrong with his ability. He is in the right division and the right team. We had a couple of new kids join last season and it’s them who have brought the tone down a lot with their attitudes. Coach (who in general is very supportive and fair) seems to want them because they are good footballers. I can’t really blame him but it’s the parents who need a reality check imo.

Now I'm confused. The reason for the post is?

"He's in the right division and in the right team"